Friday, December 16, 2016

THE VATICAN TAPES

The Vatican Tapes Movie Review

Imagine you have watched every possession movie ever made and decide to take the most over used scenes and ridiculous clichés from said movies and cram them into a Bugs Bunny people cooking pot. You then gather up some of the worst actors you can find and throw them in as well. You top it off with a dash of really bad CGI and a pinch (or punch) of found footage scenes, stir it all up, dump it into a machine that transforms it all to film, and run it through a projector (or turns it digital...whatever)--the result would be The Vatican Tapes. There's a woman, played by Olivia Taylor Dudley--

No relation to these guys...I don't think

--she gets possessed. She makes strange sounds, weird faces, and kills people around her. She has a dad, played by Dougray Scott, the worst actor in a sea of many in this film--he will annoy you every time he appears. She has a boyfriend, played by John Patrick Amedori--he's just sort of there. We have our Ahab, the Cardinal Bruun, and we have soldier turned Priest, Father Oscar Lozano, played by this guy...

Questionable...

Oh yeah, and this guy...


Mbonga!

...is also here, but for a tragically brief time. Notwithstanding a fairly decent opening scene, little to nothing happens for the first hour--we then get the obligatory exorcism, which is either interesting, or the hour leading up to it is so dull it seems interesting by comparison. We then fall back into sleep-inducing mediocrity before arriving at the ending, which is mildly entertaining but, unfortunately, promises a sequel. While borrowing from many films, the most obvious ripoff here is from Stigmata...this, dear readers, is no Stigmata. The world offers an endless supply of fun things to do on a Friday evening--alas, I spent mine watching this movie.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 3

The Vatican Tapes Movie Trailer

Sunday, December 11, 2016

THE THING (1982)

The Thing Movie Review

A Norwegian helicopter lands at an American research base in Antarctica--the pilot accidentally blows himself up, and his passenger is determined to kill a dog they have been chasing. Unfortunately, the gunman speaks no English and is killed by one of the Americans before having the opportunity to explain why he is trying to kill the dog. The Americans soon discover the dog isn't quite what it appears to be. I revisited this classic for the first time in years after watching the 2011 prequel and it is actually pretty cool watching them in this order--the bonus scene during the credits of the 2011 film leads nicely into the opening scene of the 1982 film. John Carpenter directed this film and, much like the prequel, this one under-performed at the box office, but that is by no means a measuring stick to the awesomeness of the movie.  What this film is known for first and foremost, and rightfully so, is the special effects.

Like This

And This

The effects seen in this film are light years ahead of their time, and would be an inspiration for many movies to follow in the 80s. To me, stuff like this is far scarier than the CGI infested movies we are subjected to in most films of the past twenty-plus years, and it really doesn't get any better than what we see here. With the exception of Kurt Russell, the acting leaves a bit to be desired, but it is by no means bad enough to distract away from the focus of the film. At 109 minutes the film does run a bit longer than it needed to. Still, the story is a good one (based on the 1938 Who Goes There by John W. Campbell Jr.), the action is edge of your seat stuff, there's plenty of suspense, the scares are often, and the ending is one that has been the subject of debate since the film was released. The Thing is often touted as one of the all time horror greats, a title the movie certainly deserves.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 8

The Thing Movie Trailer

Friday, December 9, 2016

THE SHALLOWS

The Shallows Movie Review

Surfer girl Nancy (Blake Lively) heads for a remote beach in Mexico to catch a wave in memory of her late Mom, who herself once visited the beach. This paper-thin story is really just a way of getting us to the inevitable--despite warnings, Nancy surfs the waters too long, gets attacked by a shark, stranded on a rock, and stalked by said shark. There's also a dead whale, some Mexicans who neither rape nor murder Nancy (though one does rob her, so there's that), and the most likable character in the film, our true hero...

Wilson?

The trailer and television spots advertised this as the next Jaws, but the CGI and absolute ridiculousness of it makes it less Jaws, more Jaws: The Revenge. One could also compare this to Sharknado, but that would bee too obvious--and insulting to Sharknado. Nothing about this film really makes you feel for the lead character, and her suffering, save for the initial bite, seems underwhelming. To make matters worse, the music is some of the most irritating you can imagine, and there are many, many...many insert shots. There is practically no suspense in the film, and it gets to the point when the only thing stopping you from turning the movie off is awaiting the next absurd scene (and there are plenty)--the jellyfish scene is must-see.

Jumpin' Jellyfish!

The Shallows is not the movie you think it is--it's not scary, heart-pounding, or even particularly gory, but it does border on being so bad it's good.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 4

The Shallows Movie Trailer

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

LIGHTS OUT

Lights Out Movie Review

After killing a man named Paul, a mysterious spirit, visible only when the lights are turned off, haunts Paul's mentally unstable wife and her kids. This much-heralded horror film truly starts off with a bang--the opening sequence is memorable, effective in setting up the rest of the film, and genuinely creepy. Unfortunately, the film doesn't deliver on the promise of the first ten minutes--but let's not get ahead of ourselves here.

We don't want to make her mad

The story is a very intriguing one, albeit one filled with several holes. The connection between the spirit and the family is creative, and the resolution, while one you may see coming, is still somewhat jolting. Where the movie falls apart is overwhelming the viewer with one horror movie cliché after the next. For a film that separates itself from the pack initially, it seems to do everything it can from that point on to fall back in line with a thousand other similar films. The acting is split down the middle--Maria Bello turns in an impressive performance as Sophie, the mom, and Alexander DiPersia is surprisingly likable as Bret the boyfriend; on the flip side, Teresa Palmer is disappointing as lead character Rebecca, and Gabriel Bateman is borderline unbearable as Rebecca's little brother Martin. The film's opening and some impressive visuals allow this film to stand just above a run of the mill ghost flick--but just barely.

On A Scale On One To Ten: 6

Lights Out Movie Trailer

THE THING (2011)

The Thing (2011) Movie Review

A team of Norweigian researchers discover an alien spacecraft buried deep in the ice of Antarctica. After bringing in a team of specialists, including American paleontologist Kate Lloyd (horror vet Mary Elizabeth Winstead, 10 Cloverfield Lane, Final Destination 3), they discover the creature inside is still alive--and very deadly. This prequel to John Carpenter's 1982 film of the same name was released in 2011 and was a major disappointment in the box office--I saw it on a three story screen when it was released, and after picking it up on DVD for a couple dollars a few days ago, I watched it for the first time since--I liked the movie when I saw it in the theater, and I liked it just as much the second time around. While not a terribly scary film, it is filled with unsettling visuals.

She looks unsettled

Winstead makes a likable and believable hero, and Ulrich Thomsen turns in a very good supporting performance. This movie is somewhat rare in that it has "big budget popcorn flick" written all over it, yet maintains enough blood and carnage to keep the gorehound satisfied. Many of the death scenes are violent and quite unexpected, which only adds to this appeal. As someone who hates being cold, I would have liked to have seen them play more on how deadly simply being outside in that environment could be--this seemed like an obvious addition, yet it is not explored nearly enough--fortunately, there is more than enough going on in the film to make up for that. The filmmakers did an outstanding job in making this a fitting prequel to the 1982 film--fans of that movie will delight in seeing the groundwork laid out for many scenes we see in the John Carpenter classic. No, The Thing is not a great horror movie, but it is one I enjoy watching and recommend.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 8

The Thing Red Band Movie Trailer

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

THE GALLOWS

The Gallows Movie Review

The date: October 29, 1993. The location: Beatrice High School, Beatrice, Nebraska. The event: Beatrice High School's performance of The Gallows. The unfortunate circumstance: A student named Charlie is accidently hung and killed during the play. Fast forward to 2013, when we find the school is performing the play once more. When a few students break into the school the night before the first act, they are haunted by the ghost of, who else, Charlie.

Not THIS Charlie

Right out of the box there are a lot of things to not like about this film, and a lot of stuff is obvious from the get go--one has to believe there is absolutely no chance any high school would allow the performance of a play after a student was killed during a previous performance of said play, much less allow a prop identical to the one that killed the student to be used again. To call this movie predictable would be a gross understatement. The identity of Charlie is no surprise whatsoever, and I bet before he died, Charlie had a girlfriend--and I bet that if you are paying even a little bit of attention to this movie you will identify her the moment you see her. What are the chances one of the students is the offspring of said girlfriend? Think maybe it might be the student who really doesn't fit with the others? Anybody want to guess what the primary weapon is? Odds of there being jump scares, including the killer/ghost getting right in your face just before going to the credits?

Scared yet?

This movie does earn a few points along the way--though the cast is pretty much all teenagers, the characters aren't terribly dumbed down with an excessive use of profanity and/or nonsensical dialogue. What the crew manages to pull off with such a low budget is fairly impressive, and the set does present itself as a creepy one. You can imagine yourself in there with the kids, and forgetting the uninspired plot, you can feel the uneasiness of the setting. No money was spent on needless CGI, so the film does have a realistic feel in that sense. Unfortunately, the shortcomings of the movie far outweigh these few bright spots, and The Gallows will go down as a lazy, unimaginative, albeit highly profitable, horror film.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 4

 
The Gallows Movie Trailer

Monday, November 28, 2016

THE PURGE: ELECTION YEAR (aka The Purge 3)

The Purge: Election Year (The Purge 3) Movie Review

Another year, another Purge night, another politically overbearing Purge film. Just as in the first two movies of this franchise, those dastardly, rich, white Republicans are out to kill all minorities and liberals. There's lots of violence. Lots of blood. Lots of people in masks acting "crazy". Lots of scenes thrown in to make the audience go "Ooooh!". There's Bubba from Forrest Gump.

"Hey Marcos. Have you ever been on a real shrimp boat?"

What separates this from the other two films is how completely ridiculous it is. Our lead mercenary, a guy who looks like a demented Anthony Michael Hall, has a Rebel flag patch on his jacket--another has a "white power" patch. Yeah, the political message here is even less subtle than in the second movie. If you are a fan of slow motion action, you will love this one--I personally hate it, and it gave the movie a very cheesy 80s action movie vibe. The actions of our heroes are absolutely inexplicably stupid at times. The ending is predictable, as boring as one could imagine, and complete with, yes, slow motion. The acting is more brutal than the violence throughout, and the theme truly becomes a parody of itself. The movie is a classic example of all sight, no substance, and the ending hints at this being the final chapter of this franchise--though we all know there are enough rich white people getting richer off this series to kill it now.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 3

The Purge: Election Year Movie Trailer

THE PURGE: ANARCHY (aka The Purge 2)

The Purge: Anarchy (The Purge 2) Movie Review

It's that time of year again--"The Purge" night is here, and in this sequel, we follow a few different groups: some try to hide, some take to the streets in the name of justice, and others just want to watch the world burn. There's a lot of blood and graphic death scenes, just as in the first film. Much like the first film, this is largely poor vs rich, only the political point is shoved even further down your throat in this outing. A lot of people wear masks and try to look menacing, just like in the first one...getting the picture yet?

The Lost Boys they're not

And much like The Purge, The Purge:Anarchy is a fairly avaerage horror flick that made buckets of money for the antogonists of the films--the rich. Irony is, in fact, not dead.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 5

The Purge: Anarchy (The Purge 2) Movie Trailer

THE PURGE

The Purge Movie Review

One night a year, for twelve hours, the United States has "The Purge", an event in which emergency services are suspended, and (almost) all crime becomes legal. The result? Unemployment is down to one percent, the economy is rocking and rolling Reagan style, and crime is almost non-existent. We follow a family lead by James Sandin (Ethan Hawke, Sinister) as they attempt to hide from (and fight off) a group of people invading their home. So I know what you're thinking--if you legalize crime, including home robbery, rape, and murder, the crimes will be primarily carried out by low income folks in less than stellar neighborhoods because, you know, that's who commits most of those crimes, and where most of those crimes take place in real life. But let us not forget, avid readers, that this is Hollywood, and in Hollywood, there is one group that is more evil, murderous, and heinous than any other...

Rich white people

Not long into the movie we discover the rich white people are there to kill a poor black man, and it's up to the Sandins (more rich white people) to protect him. If you can breathe with all the political nonsense shoved down your throat, the movie will keep you interested with graphic, bloody, and, at times, unpredictable death scenes. The terror feels forced, and the suspense, when it's actually there, is brief, traded in for scenes that are shot for no other purpose than to make the film seem hipper than it is. The Purge isn't a movie one would expect to be a box office hit, and without the political slant, it probably would have been a limited release (at best) film. However, this movie did well at the box office and, to date, spurned two follow ups. Watch it for the death scenes and if you're an Ethan Hawke fan.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 6

The Purge Movie Trailer

Saturday, November 19, 2016

KRAMPUS

Krampus Movie Review

Faced with having to spend the Christmas with his extended family, seeing his parents fight too often, losing his friendship with his sister, and starting to wonder if Santa is real, young Max (Emjay Anthony) loses the Christmas spirit and tears up his letter to Santa, resulting in Krampus and his minions coming to terrorize the family. Let's begin with Krampus--he is a European figure dating back centuries--a half goat, half demon monster who punishes misbehaving children around Christmas time.

There he is...on the right

Among the familiar faces in the family are Adam Scott (The Secret Life of Walter Mitty), Toni Collette (Fright Night, the remake), David Koechner (Todd Packer), and my personal favorite, and childhood friend of my Dad, Conchata Ferrell (Edward Scissorhands)--given the cast, you have likely figured out this horror film leans toward the comedic side, so don't come here looking for any genuine scares. Though we don't really get a good look at Krampus himself, we do get very familiar with his team of misfits, including...

An angel...

Jack In The Box...

Flaming gingerbread men and...

Mr. Bear?

So obviously there will be comparisons to older movies such as Demonic Toys, Puppet Master, and Gingerdead Man, and those comparisons are certainly warranted, but this film does a good job separating itself from those. The Christmas sentiment seems real, which is a nice touch. While this movie is meant to be over the top (and in many ways, it is), where it really falls flat is in its resistance to go WAY over the top, which is something a movie like this is made for. There is little gore or blood, the death scenes (as they were) are far too tame, and, again, there are virtually no scares. When you go far enough to have the villains pictured above, go the extra step and make it a gore fest, much like Dead Alive. This is what kills me about the movie industry--I can say with almost absolute certainty that the reason the makers of this film held back was to attain a PG-13 rating. The result is a movie that, while fun to watch, instead of twenty years from now being looked upon as a cult classic in the vain of The Evil Dead, will be remembered as a horror comedy that is, unfortunately, neither scary nor particularly funny.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 6

Krampus Movie Trailer

AS ABOVE, SO BELOW

As Above, So Below Movie Review

Alchemy student Scarlett (Perdita Weeks) enlists the help of a group of people to assist her into the Catacombs of Paris in search of the philosopher's stone. Once down there, however, the group notices things aren't quite as they seem. At various times the team appears to enter Hell, is reminded of mistakes they have made in their lives, comes across monsters, discover hidden treasures, and, of course, gets killed off one by one. This movie is some sort of strange combination of genres that, at various times, will remind you of The Mummy, National Treasure, The Descent, and Triangle, only not as good as any of those films. Oh yeah, and it's a found footage film. The cast is actually somewhat likable, and one of them, in a reference I enjoyed, is named Siouxsie.

aaaand her nickname is Banshee

The film does set up and interesting premise, but fails in the delivery. We see a bunch of weird stuff happening simply for the sake of having weird stuff happen--the result is a bunch of distractions that do nothing to move the story along. As we get near the end of the film the story switches to supernatural vs superhuman, and the twists and turns get more absurd with each passing scene. For being a found footage film this is shot fairly well, and a lot of credit has to be given to the movie for having actually been shot in the Catacombs--given this, As Above, So Below had potential to be a truly terrifying film, but it turned out a slightly above average movie.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 6

As Above, So Below Movie Trailer

THE LOVES OF COUNT LORGA, VAMPIRE (aka Count Yorga, Vampire)

The Loves of Count Lorga, Vampire Movie Review

Count Yorga (or Lorga--keep reading) performs a séance on a handful of friends, but unbeknownst to them, the Count is also a vampire. As he begins turning the women into vampires and/or controlling their minds, the gents have to find a way to stop him. Probably more interesting than the movie itself is the story of the title--the film was originally intended to be a skin flick titled The Loves of Count Lorga, Vampire. Some time later the producers had a change of heart and decided to make a regular (or mundane, whatever you want to say) vampire horror film, did that, and changed the title to Count Yorga, Vampire. The original title was restored in the 1990s, but is the same film that aired in the 1970s as Count Yorga, Vampire, complete with a little sensuality and no nudity or sex.

Good thing they are only craving blood

Lets add a little to this story--as I scrolled through the guide on my overpriced Time Warner Cable, the movie listing for Epix Drive-In stated Count Yorga, Vampire, but the opening credits were The Loves of Count Lorga, Vampire. Back to the film--not a whole lot happens, neither good nor terrible. Donna Anders turns in a good performance and the confrontation between Dr. Hayes and the Count (Roger Perry and Robert Quarry, respectively) is fairly suspenseful, but otherwise your mind will likely wander whilst watching this snooze fest. If you want a boring vampire film from this era, grab a Hammer movie--unlike The Loves of Count Lorga, Vampire, those films at least typically deliver a good ending.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 4

The Loves of Count Lorga, Vampire Movie Trailer

THE CONJURING 2

The Conjuring 2 Movie Review

Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga reprise their roles as Ed and Lorraine Warren, and this time they're off to England to investigate the strange occurrences in the Hodgson household. Much like the first film, the sequel is based on a true story--in fact, it's kind of based on two, as the movie starts off, as promised in the first film, in the infamous Amityville house, but quickly redirects to the famed Enfield haunting, one of the most well-known (and controversial) real-life stories of demon possession. That story surrounds the Hodgson family, most notably daughter Janet, played wonderfully here by Madison Wolfe.

Don't look at me like that, dammit, Janet

The Warrens, with the assistance of several other expert types, try to determine what is causing the commotion at the house, and if this is all simply a hoax. Much like the first film, this one is Rated R based solely on being scary--there's no blood, gore, swearing, or nudity, but to me, this film isn't nearly as scary as the original...that's not to say there are no scary scenes, however. Unfortunately, for every scary scene (the voice of the old man coming out of Janet) you get jump scares or a dream sequence of Ed getting killed, complete with CGI of something going through his body. You get a terrifying monster (Crooked Man) but then you get a demon nun who looks less scary and more....

Marilyn Manson?

At 134 minutes the movie does run a bit long, but the pace is good enough to keep you interested for the duration. The acting is decent across the board, though Wilson seems less interested here. James Wan fails to create the disturbing atmosphere he set in the first film, and many of the scares in this film seem too forced--that said, The Conjuring 2 is still a good horror film that should not be missed.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

The Conjuring 2 Movie Trailer

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

THE CONJURING

The Conjuring Movie Review

After experiencing strange happenings in their recently purchased house, the Perron family calls upon Ed and Lorraine Warren (Patrick Wilson, Insidious and Vera Farmiga, Bates Motel), two experienced paranormal investigators, to check things out. Modern day horror legend James Wan (Saw, Insidious) directs this nightmare-inducing film, and does a wonderful job at it. There is an impressive balance between focus on the Perron family (headed by Ron Livingston from Office Space and Lili Taylor from High Fidelity) and the Warrens leading up to the two families meeting. The scares in this movie are genuine and start early on.

If you want to scare Mrs. Perron and you know it clap your hands

Wan does a fantastic job setting an uneasy mood throughout the film, and, being based in 1971, he brings a look to the movie that makes it seem as though it could have actually been released in 1971. The acting is very good here--all four of the above named actors bring their A-game to the table here. Back to the scares--this movie has very little profanity (no F bombs are dropped), little blood, no gore, no sex--yet it received an R rating based on just how frightening the movie is. Forget jump scares--they go for pure terror in this movie, and everybody involved pulls it off nicely.

Witch scene is your favorite?

The back story is very layered and impressive, opening up numerous doors and directions for the movie to go in. Speaking of the story--it is very strongly based on actual events, up to and including using the real names of the actual people involved in the case, as well as having some of said actual people on set to assist. There are a couple setbacks to the movie, however--while the acting is strong throughout, it seems to fall apart at the worst time--the end. I read the movie was shot in chronological order, and perhaps the actors were worn out by then, I don't know, but when the ultimate time to step it up came, the cast, particularly Wilson and Livingston, drops the ball. A couple of the kids (there are six total) struggle, but mercifully the weaker ones have minimal roles. My main complaint, however, is the involvement of the police officer and the audio/video guy brought in for the investigation--this is done approximately two thirds of the way into the movie, and these two bring a bumbling comedy element that is way out of place in this film. These complaints, however, are not enough to ruin the movie. The Conjuring is not a perfect horror film, but it is a very good one, and one of the scariest movies you will see.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 8

The Conjuring Movie Trailer

Monday, November 14, 2016

SINISTER 2

Sinister 2 Movie Review

Following the events of the first film, Courtney Collins (Shannyn Sossamon of Wayward Pines fame) moves into the former Oswalt family house. Deputy So & So from the first film (now ex-Deputy So & So) returns and is determined to burn all the houses connected to Bughuul and end the curse once and for all. You rarely expect a sequel to live up to the original, but Sinister 2 really falls short of the original. While it's nice that Bughuul returns...

Mr. Boogeyman is back

...the focus is more on the kids of his flock, which is unfortunate in many ways. Absolutely none of the kids (dead or alive) are even remotely scary, and they come off as a ripoff of the kids from Children of the Corn...only far less intimidating, interesting, or entertaining.

And they're ugly too

As in the first film, we see a bunch a death scenes via old found footage tapes, and while satisfying, the scenes in the sequel are far less creative and scary. The story is not nearly as attention grabbing as in the first film either, though it is passable. Sossamon and James Ransone (the deputy) both turn in good performances and make their characters likable, but the atrocious acting of every child in the movie more than cancels that out. The ex husband character seems there only to give us somebody to hate so much we cheer his inevitable demise--while you will likely cheer out loud when he finally bites the dust, one can't help but observe this makes our villain a bit counter-productive--how can we completely root against a guy who just killed THAT guy?! To top it all off, the transition to the climax is one of the most rushed I have ever seen. I was somewhat excited for this sequel, but in the end, Sinister 2 is a run of the mill horror flick.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 5

Sinister 2 Movie Trailer

SINISTER

Sinister Movie Review

True crime author Ellison Oswalt (Ethan Hawke, Alive, The Purge) moves his family into the house the subjects of his work in progress lived in when they were killed; it's there he discovers a bunch of old reels that reveal the family may have fallen victim to a serial killer that has been around since the 1960s, but it turns out the truth is much more...malevolent.

What, you expected me to say sinister?

This 2012 horror film plays out like many films of the past ten or so years--it tells a creepy ghost or possession story, builds the story somewhat slowly, throws in scares here and there, and culminates with a big ending. There are a couple things that separate this one from the pack, however, starting with the film's lead--Ethan Hawke turns in a performance that outshines practically every other actor in a similar role. Vincent D'Onofrio stops by for a brief, uncredited appearance, and is his usual awesome self. The death scenes are some of the most brutal and imaginative ones in recent memory. Take away the obligatory jump scares and the the movie is scarier than most similar films.

Bughuul is a scary dude

The story, while not entirely original, is an interesting one that will keep you hooked, and to say the ending is memorable would be an understatement. On the down side, a lot of the supporting performances are a bit weak, the movie plays out a bit long, and some of the aesthetics need to be taken with a grain of salt. Sinister stands as one of the finer horror films of the last five years, and certainly one of the better ones to hit theaters in that time.

On A Scale Of One To Ten:7

Sinister Movie Trailer

Sunday, November 13, 2016

ATTACK OF THE GIANT LEECHES

Attack of the Giant Leeches Movie Review

Giant leeches are killing people in a Florida swamp. The game warden and a doctor can't convince the police this is happening, so the duo team with the locals in an attempt to stop the monsters. I am a big fan of 1950s science fiction/creature features, but unfortunately, this 1959 B movie doesn't have much going for it--that said, when we finally get to the leeches, we see they are guys in plastic suits with large mouths sewn on, and yes, they are just as wonderfully bad as you would expect.

These things really suck

Other than Yvette Vickers (of Attack of the 50 Foot Woman fame), who does a decent job (and isn't bad on the eyes either) as the unfaithful wife Liz, the acting is so bad it's laughable. There is a very uninteresting story involving Liz, her husband, and her lover, leading us up to the point when we see the leeches--this is odd in that none of those three characters end up being the primary characters in the end. For having such huge mouths, the wounds the leeches leave on the victims are rather small.

Look at her face, not there

The dialogue is as mind numbing as you can imagine, and the movie absolutely crawls--the film is only 62 minutes long, and maybe it's because I watched it on Macabre Theatre and had to tolerate Ivonna Cadaver going into and coming out of commercials, but the movie seemed to go on for four or five hours. When we finally do get to the end it is...well...underwhelming. There are a lot of fantastic films from this genre and time, and some so bad they're good and a blast to watch--Attack of the Giant Leeches qualifies as neither.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 3

Attack of the Giant Leeches Movie Trailer

Thursday, November 10, 2016

YONGARY, MONSTER FROM THE DEEP (aka Taekoesu Yonggary)

Yongary, Monster From The Deep Movie Review

Previously believed to be mythical, Yongary emerges from below the ground to feed on gasoline and oil, of course destroying everything in his path. This 1967 South Korean monster movie is clearly a Godzilla ripoff, but lets look beyond that.

If we can

Yongary does have a horn on his nose, so...that makes him different. Though we don't see a whole lot we haven't seen before, this is still a very enjoyable film. The cast is likable and, other than the obligatory child, don't do anything too terribly stupid. Yongary spends a great deal of time in this film just destroying stuff.

Like this bridge

In fact, Yongary probably gets more screen time in this film than Godzilla does in any of his films, so your attention won't stray too far from the screen. The miniatures we see throughout the film are pretty awesome, Yongary destroys tons of buildings, and he also breathes fire.

Not unlike you know who

A closer look at the fire breathing dragon reveals something that really makes you wonder how it got past the editing process...

See it?

The best part of this is that we don't see this just once, but twice! Unfortunately, in an even bigger "What the hell?" moment, near the end of the film we get a scene that shows this machine of destruction turn into...a happy, dancing dinosaur?! This was either done to appeal to children so he could end up with his own line of toys and pillow cases, or to force at least some sympathy on the poor guy when he meets his fate at the end of the movie--probably the latter. Speaking of his demise, his slow, torturous death is one of the more unique you will see in a monster movie. If you're a fan of giant monster films, Yongary, Monster of the Deep is certainly a film worth checking out.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

Yongary, Monster From The Deep Movie Trailer