Wednesday, November 28, 2018

CURSE OF THE WOLF

Curse of the Wolf Movie Review

A group of werewolves, lead by Michael (martial artist Todd Humes), attempt to hunt down Dakota (Renee Porada), another werewolf, to bring her back into the group. Dakota, however, doesn't want to be a werewolf any longer, and is taking drugs to stop her from turning. Think about when you are sitting around with your friends, having all night conversations, and movies comes up--people will begin to mention their favorites, make suggestions of ones you should watch (and you never do), and, finally, the talk turns to the worst movies you have ever seen, and this is when the discussion gets really fun. If anybody in the circle has ever had the misfortune of having seen Curse of the Wolf, they will likely mention it. This direct-to-video flick from 2006 has everything that would qualify it for the aforementioned chat--the lighting is awful, and the sound is almost as bad. The story could have been written by a roided-out 15 year old. The dialogue is mind-numbing. The film looks like it was shot on somebody's cell phone--keep in mind the year it was released. Seemingly everybody in the city knows martial arts...somewhat. The fight scenes look like the walk through instead of the action shots, and my God, are there ever a lot of fight scenes in this movie. We also have appearances by two pro wrestlers, The Blue Meanie...

Blue World Order founding member

and The Genius, Leapin' Lanny Poffo.

Sans curls...and poetry.

For everything that is wrong with this movie, the acting may be the worst part of it. I have seen my fair share of bad acting in movies, but I cannot recall a single movie that contained SO MANY different bad actors all gathered in one place. It is no exaggeration to say that Humes may be the worst actor I have ever seen in a film. I would select a best actor for this film, but that would imply somebody in this movie had any acting ability to begin with. The wolves are often the actors with cheap masks on. The music is some of the worst metal you will ever come across, and that says a lot too. The only minor saving grace with this film is the amount of blood, and some of the wounds actually border on being...good. Some movies are so bad they're good...this is not one of those. Believe it or not, Curse of the Wolf is not the worst movie I have ever seen, but it's not far off.

Om A Scale Of One To Ten: 2


Curse of the Wolf Movie Trailer

Saturday, November 17, 2018

NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD (1990)

Night of the Living Dead Movie Review

Back in 1968, George A. Romero directed one of the all-time great horror films, Night of the Living Dead. The film was ground-breaking, putting zombie movies at the forefront and creating the blueprint for the genre that has been followed since. In 1989, a group of movie people decided to remake this classic, and brought in special effects wizard Tom Savini to direct, making this his feature film directorial debut. They also brought in relative unknown, but soon to be horror icon, Tony Todd (Final Destination, Candyman) to play Ben, the lead character...and it worked. Released in 1990, this film was one that was seemingly on cable channels all the time by the mid 1990s--during the decade of the nineties, I must have watched this movie about a hundred times. This version was much more accessible at the time than the original, making many think of THIS movie, not the original, when they heard Night of the Living Dead--and that is not as tragic as it initially sounds. 


"Wait...what did you just say?"

Seeing Todd as a sympathetic hero is kind of weird, but he pulls it off well. Patricia Tallman is memorable as Barbara--the performance isn't great, but something about it will leave an impression. Tom Towles (House of 1000 Corpses) really steals the show as Cooper, the villain you will want to reach through the television and choke. Towles truly makes you hate this character. The rest of the cast is hit or miss, with some of the acting bordering on unbearable, though Heather Mazur is creepy in her brief appearance as Zombie Sarah, pictured above. Savini and company pretty much stick to what we know from the original film, with more gore, and with the moral of the story intact, albeit more in your face. Imagine a world where rednecks are running things...I shudder to think. Is this movie as good as the original? Of course not. Is it a really, really good remake? Yes...yes it is. 

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7


Night of the Living Dead Movie Trailer

Friday, November 16, 2018

THE TINGLER

The Tingler Movie Review

Pathologist Dr. Warren Chapin (horror legend Vincent Price) is obsessed with the idea that something comes alive inside the human body when a person gets scared, and he will do whatever it takes to prove this theory. One of my favorite directors of all time, William Castle (Mr. Sardonicus, The Night Walker) brings us this one, and the gimmick king sure got creative here--when the movie ran in theaters in 1959, Castle had buzzers rigged to random seats to send shocks at various time to the person sitting in them. The screen also goes black a couple times near the end of the movie, with a couple characters in the film telling the audience not to panic--the scene in the movie was actually set in a theater, but you know this was done primarily to scare the dickens out of the people actually watching this movie. These are the things I love about Castle, and if time travel is ever possible, I will certainly go back to attend the initial showings of some of Castle's films. When you combine this with the awesomeness that is Vincent Price, you know you are in for a treat. The premise of the movie is...interesting. The idea is that when you are scared, a monster begins to grow in your back, and can eventually kill you, but it can be stopped by screaming, and this is why we have the natural instinct to scream when we are scared.

The tingler...tingling

While trying to study his theory, the good doctor tries to scare himself...by dropping acid, making this the first movie to ever show the effects of that drug, and Price pulls it off wonderfully. The acting is pretty good across the board here, with Patricia Cutts doing a particularly good job as the doctor's devious wife. The characters are actually pretty well developed, and as the story unfolds, you don't know who are the heroes and who are the villains, and you may still wonder even after the credits roll. The movie offers some very interesting visuals...the film is in black and white, but there are two scenes where we see some color, and it is striking.

And bloody affective

The movie moves along at a good pace, and really keeps you guessing. The ending of the film will leave you scratching your head, as will some of the stuff you see leading up to it, but that can be overlooked. While not a great film by any stretch, The Tingler is a really fun movie to watch. Now somebody create that time machine! 

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7


The Tingler Movie Trailer

Saturday, November 10, 2018

CAMP DEATH III IN 2D!

Camp Death III In 2D! Movie Review

Camp Crystal Meph, the location of hundreds of murders in the past, reopens for violent, clinically insane, and profoundly stupid adults. Soon after, serial killer Johann Van Damme returns to claim even more victims. As you can likely tell by the title, this is a spoof of Friday the 13th Part 3, which was famously in 3D. I came across this one in an interesting way--I was honored to have director/writer/one man band Matt Frame reach out to me to offer a special screening of the film, and I was more than happy to jump at the opportunity. As of this writing, the movie is making its rounds at various film festivals, and recently won for the award for Best Horror Comedy Feature at the Nightmare Film Festival in my hometown of Columbus, Ohio.

Good job, C-Bus

Let me first offer you a warning: if you are easily offended, do not watch this film! It throws political correctness out the window, and I love that part of it. This movie is light on the horror and very heavy on the comedy, and not all people will either get the humor or like it. Let's be honest--this movie is beyond ridiculous.

This says a lot about this film

You will know this fact right off the bat, so do not put any effort into taking this film seriously or anticipate any scares. The humor is very hit or miss--some of it you will see coming a mile away and will roll your eyes at, but much of it is so out of left field, it will keep you glued to the screen and laughing out loud. The absolute randomness of it all is the most entertaining element--from a killer squirrel to a dismembered head with propellers flying about to a musical score in the middle, the lunacy of this film is on display, shouting loud and proud and daring you to look away--one can only imagine how much fun it must have been to be a part of the production. The acting is hard to judge--with a movie such as this, one wonders if the acting is intentionally awful, or if it's just...awful. One thing is for certain--Dave Peniuk is gold as Todd Boogjumper, the dimwitted lead counselor at the camp.

He deserves a hand for this performance

There is a bit of gore in this movie--actually, there's a lot of gore in this movie. The body count is extremely high, which is nice, and some of the death scenes are very memorable--the head spinning on the weed wacker may be my personal favorite. The nod here goes beyond Friday The 13th--more subtle shout-outs are made to films such as The Burning and Creepshow as well. If you are looking for the next horror classic, this isn't it. If you are looking for a totally bizarre riot fest, give Camp Death III in 2D! a shot, and thank me later.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

Camp Death III In 2D! Movie Review


UPDATE!

In a shameless attempt to conjure up more attention for this film, our friend Matt and his crew broke two world records--one for the shortest movie trailer ever, and one for the longest movie trailer of all time. As a fan of such ridiculousness, I am happy to share them!  


The shortest

The longest