Because nobody likes spending an hour reading a movie review, I bring you Quick Horror Movie Reviews, a site offering to the point reviews of horror films from a guy who has seen thousands of them. From the classics to the hidden gems, the slashers to the creatures, the multi-million dollar blockbusters to the direct to video awfulness, it's all here! Read, enjoy, and for the best experience, go old school and view the desktop version!
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- PUBLISHED: "From the Black Chair: 365 Horror Movie Reviews"
- TOP 13: THE HORROR MOVIES OF 2010 - 2019
- HALLOWEEN HORROR NIGHTS 2019 REVIEW
- HALLOWEEN HORROR NIGHTS 2018 REVIEW
- HALLOWEEN HORROR NIGHTS 2014 + A LOOK AT HHN 2015
- MICKEY'S NOT-SO-SCARY HALLOWEEN PARTY 2018 REVIEW
- UNIVERSAL'S DARK UNIVERSE
Sunday, October 9, 2022
SWEET SIXTEEN (AKA SWEET 16)
Friday, April 15, 2022
SLASHER (Season One)
It's Halloween 1988, and a maniac enters a couple's home, murders them, and removes the baby from the wife's body. Fast forward to present time, and the baby, Sarah (Katie McGrath), is grown, and with her husband Dylan (Brandon Jay McLaren), purchases and moves into the house where her parents were killed--because that sounds like a wonderful idea. No word on where Sarah was for thirty years, but judging by her accent, I'd say she spent some time in Ireland.
Slasher was a series on the now-defunct Chiller...
..and in 2016, this is the season that kicked it all off. The series ran four seasons, with each season consisting of eight episodes. This first season was titled The Executioner, and it doesn't take long to learn why. With Sarah's return to Waterbury (before you start watching, I'll save you the time--it's a fictional place in Canada), there also comes another wave of the murders, with the killer dressing identically to the original killer--this is no spoiler, as we learn early the original killer is in prison. As the executions continue, Sarah visits her parents' killer, Tom Winston (Patrick Garrow), in prison, seeking advice on how to capture the new assassin. This all very much has a Silence of the Lambs vibe to it, which brings me to the primary drawback of this season--so much of what is happening feels stolen from established films. Another glaring example of this is the killer bases his (or her?) murders on the seven deadly sins.
We see that immoral acts have taken place for decades in the small town, and it seems nobody is innocent. There is a decent story underneath it all, and several twists and turns are added along the way to attempt to justify eight episodes. Had they cut away some of the subplots and shortened this down to four episodes it would have been much stronger...or, if you were going to have so many subplots, fill in the gaps for all (what did Robin ever do about that huge debt?). Much of the acting leaves plenty to be desired, as the cast is certainly a case of taking the bad with the good. These setbacks aside, there is plenty to enjoy as well. This is a horror series, and when you have a killer wearing some sort of mask and/or costume, you want it to look cool, and this one looks...
There is a good amount of blood and guts for the gorehounds out there, and it's fun trying to figure out who the killer is (my girlfriend called it four episodes in). Some of the death scenes are unique, and the small town setting and scenery are visually pleasing. This is the only season I've watched at this time, but I have read the series was similar to American Horror Story in that several actors appear throughout as different characters--unfortunately, The Executioner, while fun at times, doesn't give the viewer the excitement of looking forward to the next season.
On A Scale Of One To Ten: 5
Tuesday, February 22, 2022
THE POUGHKEEPSIE TAPES
After discovering hundreds of VHS tapes showing the torture and murder of various people, the police do what they can to piece together the clues to capture a serial killer. This 2007 film, which saw a huge delay in its release (more on that in a bit), is shot like a documentary, and contrary to what many may believe, is neither real, nor based on a true story--that said, for being a mockumentary, this one looks as real as any such film you will come across. If you are a fan of true crime shows, this movie is right up your alley. We see interviews with people involved in the case, such as police, FBI agents, the guy who had to watch all the tapes, family and friends of the victims--you get the idea--intertwined with clips from the found tapes--and this is where things get weird.
Tuesday, June 15, 2021
CAVEAT
Tuesday, April 13, 2021
GRANDMOTHER’S HOUSE (aka Grandma's House)
David (Eric Foster) and Lynn (Kim Valentine) lose their father and have to go live with their grandparents. Once there, they find them to not only be a little weird, but also potentially psychotic. This movie was released in 1988, seemed to be everywhere in the late 1980's and early 1990's, and I must have watched it about a two dozen times over those years...I'm not going to say it was primarily because I had a crush on Kim Valentine.
Aside from my infatuation, I did always find this to be an interesting film. About midway through the 1990's, however, the movie seemed to just vanish, from both my mind and the actual world. Occasionally throughout the 21st Century, I would think of the movie and search it out on eBay. On the rare occasion I could find it listed, it was rather expensive, so I passed, fully confident I would come across it again some day. One can imagine my delight when I saw it had arrived on my new favorite source for horror movies, Tubi. With great excitement, I hit the play button, but would the movie hold up after having not seen it for probably 25 years?
Okay, so it's not the horror masterpiece I may have believed it was for so long, but that's not to say this is a bad movie; it's not that, but it is certainly an odd one. Director Peter Rader hits us with some unconventional camera angles--the fact that he only directed two other films may say something about this approach. The movie seems far too wrapped up in itself, as it goes for twist after twist, but fails to maintain a cohesive story while doing so. Some of the dialogue is equally baffling. The acting is surprisingly adequate, with both Valentine and Foster doing a decent job, and Len Lesser bringing the creepiness as the grandfather. The cinematography is also impressive, and seeing the kids exploring the farm took me back to when I was a child and loved such exploration. Anyway, the ending of the movie is just as surreal as the rest of it, and the bizarre feel of the film is what will stick with you more than anything else. No, Grandmother's House is not quite the movie I remember, but the 14 year old in me still enjoyed it. I'm happy I watched it again, and even happier I didn't drop fifty bucks to buy the DVD.
On A Scale Of One To Ten: 5
Saturday, January 16, 2021
GOTHIKA
Psychiatrist Miranda Grey (Halle Berry) is involved in a car accident on her way home from work. When she awakens from the incident, she finds herself a patient in the same mental institution she works in, having been accused of killing her husband, Douglas (Charles S. Dutton of Roc...yes, I used to watch that show). Miranda's problems don't end there, as she finds herself being haunted by a spirit as well. I recall seeing this one in the theater in 2003 and loving it. I watched it a few times over the years, but prior to watching it earlier today, I had not seen the movie in maybe ten years or so. Would I still love it as much as I did back then?
Tuesday, June 16, 2020
ALICE, SWEET ALICE
Young Karen Spages (Brooke Shields) is murdered in a Catholic church, and all fingers point to her older sister, Alice (Paula E. Sheppard), as the killer. Alice proclaims her innocence, but as events unfold, this comes into serious doubt.
That is the general story of this 1976 horror/crime thriller that has picked up quite a cult following over the years. This is one of those movies that reminds me of being in video stores back in the day, as I always thought the cover looked interesting, but for whatever reason, I never rented it. More than anything else, the film is known for being Shields' movie debut, but if you seek it out for that reason alone, be warned--despite having her name appear on many covers and advertisements for the movie in the years that followed, Shields is not in it very long. Sheppard, on the other hand, is wonderfully creepy as the title character--I was surprised to learn she turned 19 during shooting (she plays a 12-year-old) and that, to date, she has only been in one other movie. The rest of the performances vary from decent (Rudolph Willrich as Father Tom) to atrocious (Alphonso DeNoble as Alphonso), with everybody else falling somewhere between. The church settings and symbolism used add to the uneasy feeling of the film, and some have claimed the movie is nothing more than an assault against the Catholic church--I will let you make your own judgement on this, but if it is, would that be any different than any of the other hundreds of movies that do the same thing? The death scenes are brutal, and often look rather realistic. The movie does suffer from a very slow pace, and at 107 minutes, runs longer than it should have. The directing is different, but not necessarily in a good way (way too many close-up shots of actors mugging it up for my taste). The reveal in the third act will take all the air out of whatever was left by the time you get to it--at that point, I was just ready for the movie to be over. That said, the closing scene is one for the ages. I don't know if it was a case of the movie being over-hyped and me expecting too much out of it, or if it really is as bland as it seemed, but to me, there's nothing spectacular about Alice, Sweet Alice.
On A Scale Of One To Ten: 5
Friday, October 26, 2018
THE HOUSE ON SORORITY ROW
Tired of living under their house mother’s iron fist, seven sorority girls decide to pull a prank on her. Things go south, however, when the woman dies as a result. Now, the girls are being killed off one by one as they attempt to cover up her death. Coming out during the slasher craze of the early 1980s, this film brings pretty much what you would expect from the genre at this time. The premise of the film isn't entirely original, and not much else throughout the movie is either. Except for Katherine McNeil as good girl Katey and Eileen Davidson as mean girl Vicki, the sorority girls are rather interchangeable.
McNeil and Davidson each do a decent job, but the rest of the acting in this film is rather awful--when do we ever watch slasher movies for the acting though? There is an impressive body count, with very mixed results--a lot of the violence is off screen or shown as shadows, with little to no blood, but we also get some brutality, including a severed head in a toilet.
You will likely know how this one is going to unfold, but there is a surprise or two thrown in as well. What this movie lacks is anything really scary or tense, save for a brief moment near the end of the film. This movie actually has garnered a following, and lead to a remake, the title shortened to Sorority Row, years later. If you are a fan of 1980s slasher flicks, you will likely enjoy The House On Sorority Row--I was hoping for a bit more from it, but you can certainly do worse.
On A Scale Of One To Ten: 6
Sunday, April 24, 2016
MURDERS IN THE ZOO
Eric Gorman (Lionel Atwill) is a zoologist intent on bringing the world its greatest zoo, filled with all the exotic animals he has rounded up from around the world--unfortunately, his hussy of a wife, Evelyn (Kathleen Burke), can't keep her eyes (or hands) off other men, driving Eric to a raging jealousy he cannot control. How ever will Eric seek his revenge on the objects of Evelyn's desires?
This 1933 movie is known as a "Pre-Code" film--simply put, it is a movie that was released before a bunch of people got together and said "Hey, there's a lot of stuff we ought not allow in widely released motion pictures!" and thus created a code, followed by ratings, and so forth (thanks college degree!). This is why, in this film, we see things such as Evelyn whoring around (though her portrayal is beyond tame by today's standard), animals used as murder weapons, and real animals having real fights with other real animals, something that REALLY turned me off to this film. The acting is fair enough--Atwill actually does a really good job as the psychopath, and Burke is effective as Evelyn.
We even get a look at western movie superstar Randolph Scott much earlier in his career. Though this movie has its fair share of horror and darkness, it, most unfortunately, is also filled with really, really bad humor, primarily at the hands of Charles Ruggles as drunkard Peter Yates.
Monday, January 25, 2016
DEAD MAN'S EYES
Artist David Stuart (Lon Chaney Jr.) accidently rubs acid into eyes, rendering him completely blind--however, Stuart's fiancé's father, Dr. Stanley Hayden, offers to donate his eyes to Stuart after his death. Soon after, the man with the generous offer is found killed, and all fingers at pointed at Stuart as the culprit. For being such a short movie (just over an hour long), there's a lot going on here--we have the question of who killed Hayden? Did model Tanya Czoraki (Acquanetta of Captive Wild Woman, Jungle Woman and Tarzan and the Leopard Woman fame) intentionally cause Stuart to lose his sight? Was the surgery successful? Who stole the eyes? Throw in a web of lies and loves and it's enough to make your head spin.
Sunday, December 13, 2015
HELLRAISER: INFERNO (aka Hellraiser 5)
Detective Joseph Thorne, a crooked cop with few, if any, redeeming qualities, is assigned the case of the mysterious "Engineer" killer. While investigating he comes across some strange, disturbing incidents, and all fingers point to him being behind it all. The fifth installment of the Hellraiser series feels like anything but a Hellraiser film--and for good reason. But more on that in a moment. This film, other than not feeling like a Hellraiser movie, is filled with things to dislike, and it starts with our lead character.
Off the top of my head, I cannot think of a lead character in any film I have cared so little about. There is literally nothing to like about this character, thus no reason to be concerned for his well being. When he meets his inevitable fate, you likely will find yourself cheering. The story is somewhat interesting, but not as a part of this film franchise. Now for the story of this film--the reason it doesn't feel like a Hellraiser film is because it wasn't supposed to be one. This was a stand alone thriller that Dimension turned into a Hellraiser film last minute. Thus, the box is vaguely brought into the story, Cenobite-esque creatures are seen throughout, but ultimately have little to do with the story, and Pinhead doesn't show up until about an hour and twenty minutes into the film. This plays out as more a crime mystery, and a below average one at that, though it is shot wonderfully. The false finishes near the end assume that by this point you even still care about the ending--I didn't.
On A Scale Of One To Ten: 4
Saturday, October 24, 2015
THE RAVEN (2012)
Inspired by the writings of Edgar Allan Poe, a killer terrorizes Baltimore, leading police to turn to the foremost expert on the inspirational stories--Poe himself. This film builds on fact--the final few days of Poe's life remain a mystery. From this a fictional story is created. That is a simple premise that seemed to elude many when this film was released, as people, I guess, expected the ENTIRE film to be historically accurate--again, it was never intended to be. With that in mind, what we have here is a really, really good film that sees Poe assisting the police in finding a serial killer that has also kidnapped the love of Poe's life, Emily Hamilton (Alice Eve, ATM). John Cusack (2012, 1408) plays Poe, and, as is typical, delivers a fantastic performance. The supporting cast, particularly Brendan Gleeson, also turn in impressive performances. This movie does a really impressive job bringing some of the words of Poe's work to life...often to bloody consequences.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
HOT FUZZ
London policeman officer Nick Angel (Simon Pegg) is so good at what he does that he is making the rest of the force look bad, so they have him transferred to a small country town; there, he joins an incompetent force, including his new partner Danny (Nick Frost), the police chief’s bumbling son. This is the second in the “Blood and Ice Cream” trilogy to feature Pegg, Frost, and director Edgar Wright, the first being Shaun Of The Dead.
While Shaun was a nod to zombie flicks, Hot Fuzz is dedicated to cop-buddy action films. Like Shaun, this one packs tons of action, gore, and comedy into a fantastic film. This movie hits every cliché known to action movies without missing a beat, and it gets funnier every time you watch it. Pegg and Frost, of course, are fantastic in this movie, and the supporting cast is really good as well. The story actually has an interesting plot to boot. The humor will not be for everybody as it is very British, but I absolutely love it, and love this film...and I will forever repeat "The greater good" every time I hear somebody say it.
On A Scale Of One To Ten: 9
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
SORORITY ROW
A group of sorority sisters decide to play a prank on a frat guy by convincing him his girlfriend is dead, but the prank goes wrong when he actually kills her. They all dump the body and agree to tell nobody what happened, but now somebody is killing them off one by one. This is a remake of the 1983 movie The House On Sorority Row, and like many remakes of the past few years, it is fairly weak. This movie feels a lot more like I Know What You Did Last Summer than The House On Sorority Row. The sorority girls are all pretty much interchangeable and unlikable, making them pretty close to real life sorority girls. I enjoyed watching them get knocked off, but unfortunately, we don’t get enough of that. One standout among the girls is Leah Pipes as Jessica, the meanest of them all. She was so good at playing that character that you wonder if she is actually like that in real life or if she was just THAT good in the role. I was surprised to see she was just 21 at the time of this film, however, as she looks at least 30.
On A Scale Of One To Ten: 5
Thursday, November 18, 2010
DEMENTIA 13
This movie starts abruptly with John Haloran (Peter Read) telling his wife Louise (Luana Anders) that she will not get any of his mothers inheritance if he is dead. Of course he dies almost instantly, so now Louise has to arrive at his mother’s house pretending John is still alive and on an assignment in New York. Louise arrives at the Haloran mansion, which is also occupied by John’s mother, two brothers, the fiancé of one brother, a doctor, and various servants. They are all mourning the passing of Kathleen, the younger sister of the Haloran boys, when suddenly an ax-wielding killer starts whacking the guests. If that sounds like a lot for a plot, it is, as this film tries to balance everything going on and deliver something cohesive—and surprisingly, it works.
This 1963 film, written and directed by Francis Ford Coppola (The Godfather Trilogy, Apocalypse Now)—his first directing job, and produced by B-Movie legend Roger Corman--is creepy at times, shocking at others, and wonderfully shot (the boom mike cameo notwithstanding). Yes, it obviously borrows a lot from Hitchcock films, but most good movies around this time did. The acting is pretty solid for the most part, with Anders and Bart Patton as Billy Haloran being the standouts. Unfortunately, the ending of the movie is anticlimactic and comes on as abruptly as the film starts. Still, this is a good, classic horror-suspense film worth a watch.
On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7
Sunday, July 25, 2010
THE BETRAYED
Jamie Taylor (Melissa George, 30 Days Of Night, Lie To Me) is captured by a mysterious group, headed by Alek (Oded Fehr, The Mummy, Resident Evil series), that is trying to track down her husband to get back money he owes them. Jamie is kept in a room in a warehouse, where she must go through tapes and figure out where her husband, who has been leading a double life she was not aware of, would keep the money, or the group will kill her and her son.
This is a pretty typical crime-drama movie that sort of plods along, has a predictable storyline, and doesn’t execute in the end. George and Fehr both give pretty good performances, which you expect if you have seen these two before. However, those performances are almost offset by the irritating kid in the movie. It’s not really a bad movie at all and it will keep your attention for the most part. There is even a tense moment or two, but this is not a good movie either. It’s just sort of there and, unless you are a fan of George, I would recommend skipping it.
On A Scale Of One To Ten: 5































