V/H/S/99

V/H/S/99 Movie Review

The year is 1999, and the fear is Y2K--actually, that's kind of mentioned a bit in passing in this film, but isn't a major concern--I just like how the year is 1999, and the fear is Y2K sounds. A Shudder Original, V/H/S/99 marks the fifth entry in the V/H/S series, and the sixth in the franchise (Siren, a spin-off of the original V/H/S, is in the mix as well). As with the others, the premise is a series of horrors caught on VHS and presented as an anthology. We are missing the usual wraparound story, however--instead, we get a bit of an interlude between them. These feature stop-motion action starring toy soldiers, shot by a character we will see in one of the stories later on. 

The Germans didn't fare well

Our first segment is titled "Shredding". An irritating, self-titled "punk" band (their music doesn't sound punk at all, but don't get me started on that) enjoys skateboarding, making bad music, and pulling pranks--to build a fan base, they record all this and put it on something fairly new called the World Wide Web.

"Pretend we're dead"

Their latest stunt is breaking into an abandoned music venue that once caught fire, killing a somewhat less annoying, somewhat more punk band a few years prior.

They're no L7 either

The results are predictable, but man, you have to love the practical effects used here. The characters in the band are just unlikable enough that you cheer for their demise, though you may feel for the poor drummer. We're not off to a great start, but once the band made it underground, this one got exciting.

Next up is "Suicide Bid". Would you let a group of really annoying women bury you alive overnight so you can join their group? A seemingly smart college student name Lily proves her bulb doesn't glow so bright after all when she agrees to do just that. The group is the most evil of all--a sorority. I could live hundreds of lifetimes and never understand why people subject themselves to the things they do to join college fraternities and sororities, but that's not what we're here to talk about. The reason for the burial also has something to do with a local urban legend, and you know that's going to come into play. While it's hard to feel sorry for Lily (she did voluntarily put herself in this situation), you can certainly understand her fear, and the terror creeps up in this segment, leading to a wonderful ending. 

Looks wonderful to me!

Wanna play a game? If so, our next segment, "Ozzy's Dungeon", might be for you! Ozzy's Dungeon is a children's game show--picture Double Dare in The Upside Down, with the Fly Girls from In Living Color, and hosted by Wayne Newton on cocaine.

"Can this be real?"

The gameshow has an unbeatable obstacle course, and when one contestant gets seriously injured during the course, her family is out for revenge. They capture the host (actually Steven Ogg of The Walking Dead fame) and force him to go through a homemade version of the course. This segment starts off strong, but really drops off once it gets to the revenge part. From there, it kind of drags to the point of becoming boring. Stick with it though--the ending is beyond bizarre, and has a fun little twist. 

It made me grin too

The toy soldiers story takes an unexpected turn, then transitions into the next segment, "The Gawkers". A group of teen boys with a video camera go around the neighborhood recording themselves doing stupid stuff and spying on girls. When a woman moves across the street, they all go full obsessed and, from one of the boy's bedroom, watch her every move. When they convince the little brother to secretly install a camera on her computer, however, the boys have gone too far--and the woman knows it. What they want is to see her naked; what they get is...well, half that, but so much more. I really liked this segment. The boys, for as annoying as they could be, were somewhat likable in their innocent idiocy. They were like a group of guys who have never had a girl even talk to them, and their interactions actually felt very real. The reveal of the woman was awesome, and the resulting onslaught was both classic and original. This was the best of the installments. 

What's Gorgon on here?

A couple buddies are hired to document a ritual performed by a coven of witches. Their purpose? Summon a demon to take over the body of Kirsten, a woman who has volunteered to be there (what's up with these people volunteering for these things?). An uninvited demon arrives, however, and as the witches cast it back to hell, it drags the two videographers with it. The guys must now find a way back home. That's what's happening in "To Hell and Back", the final segment of the movie. This one looks absolutely stunning, and, in many ways, may be exactly what you picture hell to look like. The practical effects are fantastic, and the creatures look frightening. You may recognize a couple people in this story--Joseph Winter and Melanie Stone of Deadstream are both here--in fact, if you look close enough, you may recognize at least one other character from that movie too. As was the case with that film, this one is heavy on comedy--unfortunately, there's more miss than hit this time, and, with such a wonderful set, you wish they would have focused more on the horror. While still a fine segment, ending the movie with this one makes it feel like it went out with a whimper. 

That's no reason to turn your back on it!

As is always the case with anthology movies, some segments are better than others--"The Gawkers" stands above the rest for sure. "Suicide Bid" is also very solid from start to finish. The remaining three are a bit unbalanced--there's a lot to sit through with "Shredding" to get to a decent ending; "Ozzy's Dungeon", the weakest overall, starts off on fire, goes ice cold, then picks back up for the closing minutes; "To Hell and Back" looks phenomenal, but otherwise is nothing great. I believe an anthology film should be like a rock concert--start off hot and finish hot. With that in mind, I would have kicked this movie off with "Suicide Bid" and ended it with "The Gawkers", which they kind of, sort of did, but not really. That aside, V/H/S/99 was a fun movie. More often than not, practical effects were used, and they looked great. The stories were interesting, and there were some genuinely creepy moments. Stay tuned for the credits to enjoy a post-credits scene, and some Danzig awesomeness while the credits roll. When I reviewed V/H/S/94, I said it was the best of the series since the original film--this one is even better, and is just as good as the first movie. 

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

V/H/S/99 Movie Trailer

FEAR STREET PART THREE: 1666

 

Fear Street Part 3: 1666 Movie Review

For the conclusion of the trilogy, we journey back to where it all started--Union, in 1666. As I believe the only proper way to truly review this movie is to dive into the deep end with it, I will warn you now--there will be spoilers ahead, and despite the name of this blog, this review won't be real quick. I repeat...THERE WILL BE SPOILERS!

At the conclusion of Part Two, we saw Deena (Kiana Madeira) sort of jump into the body of Sarah Fier, all Dr. Sam Beckett style. 

Minus the awesome blue lighting

Deena realized that stopping the curse wasn't as easy as they suspected, so we start Part Three off in 1666, where Deena is living the life of Sarah. We discover that Sarah, much like Deena, has a secret girlfriend--her name is Hannah, and she is played by Olivia Scott Welch, the same actress who plays Samantha, Deena's girlfriend, in 1994. We also see many of the other actors from both 1994 and 1978 appearing as different characters in 1666, which is cool and makes sense for some of the characters, but seems gratuitous for others. I am not a huge fan of most films with a colonial setting, and this flick did nothing to change my mind. The movie makers did a nice job with the look, but the acting was certainly a struggle here, as most of the talent had difficulty with the accent and slip in and out of it often. The violence is there, but scaled back a bit from what we saw in 1994 and 1978. 

Tommy...less violent, more insane

There's not a lot happening in 1666, but it is rather fast paced, and that will make sense soon. What we need to know is this--as expected, Sarah Fier is not really a witch. Though it has been believed for hundreds of years (and a few hours, from the viewer's perspective) that Sarah put the hex on Shadyside and made a pact with the devil, the movie delivered what most of us probably expected and few of us wanted--the tried and true tale of a falsely accused witch. No, the true maker of the pact with Satan was Solomon, a fella whose bloodline eventually leads to somebody we know from 1994 and 1978.

He doesn't seem so Goode now, does he?

I was really, really hoping that when we got to 1666 we would see Sarah as a true evil, chaos-causing witch, and they actually tease this at one point when Sarah declares something along the lines of "If it's a witch they want, then a witch they will get", and I prepared for all Hell to be unleashed upon the ignorant--alas, once Sarah arrives in the tunnels, she discovers Solomon has already made the aforementioned pact with the evil one, and is appalled...by him doing pretty much precisely what she was going to do! Solomon's deal was to deliver sacrifices in exchange for wealth and success, and this was passed on for generations--hence Goode being sheriff, and his brother the mayor of Sunnyvale. So they get into a fight, she loses her hand, and Solomon delivers Sarah to the pitchfork and torch-wielding simpletons who have been hunting her down to hang her and Hannah for being witches. At the tree, to save Hannah, Sarah falsely admits to being a witch, further stating she corrupted Hannah and that Hannah was innocent--this works, and just prior to being hung, Sarah promises revenge on Solomon. This all happens over the span of about an hour, and once Sarah hangs, the movie transitions brilliantly back to 1994. 

So

Cool

Back to the present, Deena knows Sheriff Goode is behind all the evil, and she rounds up the remaining troops in an effort to take him down. They end up at the mall where it all started (well, the mall that is built on top of where it all started) and come up with the most convoluted plan ever to kill one person--why they couldn't just hide and shoot Goode once he arrived is beyond me, but hey, we got some cool neon and black light stuff going on, and another Carrie reference, so I guess that makes it acceptable. 

Groovy

The demon ghost killer people show up, and in a cool scene, they fight and (temporarily) kill each other. It is teased that Ruby is making her way there to unleash the terror, but once she finally arrives, she does little. Naturally, Deena ends up in the tunnel with Goode (and Samantha, who, I guess, never went full demon?) and we see the sheriff's demise--to say it's anticlimactic is an understatement. Everything that happens from there is dreadfully bad (did they get lost in the tunnel?), and a sequel, or continuance of the story, or another trilogy, or something else, is teased. 

Can we just leave that here?

After really enjoying the first two films of this trilogy, I was very much disappointed with the final one. Visually, the movie was wonderful, and it still had a couple surprising developments, but sadly, they were not where we wanted them, and that's in the story itself--the final stretch develops pretty much as you expect it to, and there's really nothing satisfying about this. Obviously, if you watched the first two films, you will want to view this one to finish it off...maybe a better idea is to imagine the third film in your head. 

On A Scale Of One Ten: 5

Fear Street Part 3: 1666 Movie Trailer

FEAR STREET PART TWO: 1978

Fear Street Part 2: 1978 Movie Review

The survivors of Fear Street Part 1 break into the home of C. Berman (Gillian Jacobs), who then tells the tale of her time at Camp Nightwing in, you guessed it, 1978. We flashback to this disco-tastic time and place, where we meet sisters Cindy (Emily Rudd) and Ziggy Berman (Sadie Sink of Stranger Things fame), a young Nick Goode (Ted Sutherland), a bunch of campers and counselors, and a masked maniac killing them--yes, the second movie in the Fear Street trilogy is a not-so-subtle nod to the slasher genre, and more specifically, the Friday the 13th films. 

The fourth Tommy?

C. Berman tells the teens her sister was killed in 1978, so a large part of this movie is trying to figure out which sister survives--this may leave you guessing right up until the end. Clues are dropped along the way, and references to David Bowie will either help or confuse (I personally thought it was a stretch that C named her cat Major Tom when the guy who killed her sister was named Tommy, but I got past it). We also get more of the history of the rivalry between Shadyside and Sunnyvale, and see that little has changed between 1978 and 1994.

Hatred turned up to the max

 The first film started the trilogy off strong, and the second outing kicks it up from there. As I mentioned when reviewing 1994, there wasn't a great deal of 90's nostalgia with that movie, but with 1978, this changes--this movie comes really close to capturing the look and feel of films from that time. The music is what you would expect from the era, and ranges from the aforementioned Bowie to The Runaways to The Velvet Underground to disco. The acting is decent--Sink and Sutherland are likable, McCabe Slye is creepy as Tommy, and Jacqi Vene nails the pot-smoking, free love chick character--Ryan Simpkins is a bit of a struggle as Alice, and the rest of the cast is just sort of there, the result of minimal character development, but certainly acceptable as inevitable victims. The carnage is unrelenting, and some of the death scenes are brutal and graphic. We even have child campers being offed, though they don't go so far as to actually show this happening like they do with the older victims. Without giving away too much of the central plot of the trilogy, we learn how to end the curse in this one, but the final scene (back in 1994) shows this may not be as easy as it seems, and we get a tease of what is to come in the final film. Fear Street Part 2: 1978 does a wonderful job of carrying the story laid out in the first film. It also feels more like a Friday the 13th movie than some of the films from the actual franchise do--even if the movie had nothing else at all going for it, that alone makes it worth watching, but fortunately, there is a lot to like in 1978.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

Fear Street Part 2: 1978 Movie Trailer

FEAR STREET PART ONE: 1994

Fear Street Part 1: 1994 Movie Review

Shadyside has quite a history of violence, tragedy, and bizarre events--the most recent is a slasher killing teens in a mall...and a curse...and a witch...and ghosts...and, well, yeah, there's a lot going on in this Netflix original, but I will try to present it to you with minimal spoilage. The title should tell you two things right off--this is the beginning of a series of films (a trilogy, to be exact), and it's set in 1994...oh, the stories I could tell about 1994...but you are not here for that, and I don't have all week, so let's stay focused on this movie. Fans of R.L. Stine may also recognize the title, and yes, these movies are based on the author's books, but if you are expecting something geared toward the younger audience, you are not quite ready for this flick, as the blood is plenty and the f-bombs are excessive. Coming out of the gate, you will get the overwhelming feeling you have seen all this before--if you think to yourself "this is some odd combination of Scream, Stranger Things, and The Outsiders", know you are not alone. 

Children of the Socs?

This one starts off strong, with a scene that will make even the most cynical of us miss the mallrat days just a bit--the black lights effect in one store is particularly cool. 

Killer

After a promising (albeit heavily borrowed) opening sequence, the movie slows considerably, as we find out about love interests, the early days of the internet and chat rooms (I had no idea of the existence of either in 1994), and the rivalry between Shadyside and Sunnyvale. We also get to hear a lot of cool music from those days (though being a music geek as well as a movie one, I noticed a few songs used had not yet been released in 1994), and meet the main characters--I could have done without Simon (Fred Hechinger), but the rest are fine. If you are wanting that nostalgic feeling for the 1990's that movies such as It brought for the 1980's, you won't get much of it here--between the opening sequence and the showdown at the grocery store near the end, the nods to the time the story is set in are subtle (the band posters and stickers were my personal favorites). Once the murkiness of the plot clears up a bit, the remainder of the movie is a wonderfully fun ride, with slick flashbacks, villains that may remind you of 2001's Thirteen Ghosts, and a few twists. The ride lasts right up until the end, which leaves us eager for the next film--and we don't have to wait long! All three movies are shot, and Part 2 will be released July 8, followed by the third film July 16--and my reviews will appear soon after! 

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

Fear Street Part 1: 1994 Movie Trailer

HALLOWEEN III: SEASON OF THE WITCH

Halloween III: Season of the Witch Movie Review

Silver Shamrock masks are all the rage, and on Halloween night, any kid wearing one of them, and watching a particular television spot, will be killed. 

Watch...if you dare!

Yes, this is technically a part of the Halloween franchise, but more than anything else, it's known as "the one Michael Myers isn't in", and thus is considered by many to not even be a part of the series. Let's address this first--it's true that Michael (or any other character from the first two movies, for that matter) is not a character in this movie, though he does appear in it briefly. In the universe in which this film takes place, Halloween is a movie--the same movie it is in reality, so we get a couple clips from the first Halloween film throughout. That's it--nothing else happening on screen ties this movie into Halloween, Halloween II, or any of the movies that followed. Does that in and of itself, as many have argued, automatically make this the worst movie from the Halloween franchise? Read on.

"I'm listening"

If you have heard die hard Halloween fans talk about this movie, there's a good chance you may be picturing the worst movie ever made--it's not that...at all. Yes, this movie is bad. The plot revolves around a madman distributing Halloween masks for the purpose of sacrificing children in the name of witchcraft. The plan involves becoming the most trusted maker of Halloween masks and toys in the United States. It also includes a pirate attack of every television station in the country (thankfully, this was 1982, so there was really only three networks he had to get). This is to be executed at nine at night in California, which means every kid in Eastern Standard Time has to be watching at midnight...on a school night. The plan includes removing the massive rocks from Stonehenge and bringing them stateside...seriously. There are laser beams, for some reason. The masks not only kill you, but also make bugs and snakes emerge from your head...don't ask. There also has to be an entire fleet of robots who look human but bleed orange juice to help make all this happen. The number of years and amount of money it would have taken to pull this all off? Your guess is as good as mine. 

"No more, please!"

We do have heroes--Ellie (Stacey Nelkin) has just lost her father, and seemingly replaces him with Daniel Challis (Tom Atkins from Creepshow), the doctor who saw her dad die. We think Ellie may have had some Daddy issues here, as before you can say "trick or treat", she and the doc are in the sack together. 

Father & Daughter Heroic Couple

Oh yeah, there's lots of nonsense going on here, but as I watched this movie on a chilly Florida evening, suffering from a serious headache but enjoying my new couch while completely disconnected from technology (my phone and all computers were elsewhere), this film somehow took me back in time, to when I was a child in the 1980's--from the new televisions displayed in the store window to the old Coke machines to the silhouettes of the trick or treating children, there was something very warm and familiar about what I was seeing in this movie, and I felt...happy. The acting, dialogue, visual effects...really just about everything about this movie is awful, but in an enjoyable sort of way.

Including the ending!

Now let us circle back--Michael Myers was considered dead when this movie was made, so the idea was to create a new Halloween (the holiday) themed movie every year, starting with this one--the backlash was such that Michael was brought back, and the idea of a new, disconnected movie every year was nixed. Is this the worst movie in the Halloween franchise? No, and if anybody tells you it is simply because Michael is not in it, remind them of two things--Jason Vorhees is not the killer in the original Friday the 13th, or in the fifth film in that series, and neither of those are the worst of that franchise, so the iconic killer (or the lack of him) does not always make or break the film. If that doesn't convince them, remind the person Halloween: Resurrection exists. 

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 5

Halloween III: Season of the Witch Movie Trailer

TALES OF HALLOWEEN

Tales of Halloween Movie Review

 It's Halloween Night in the 'burbs, and there's madness around every corner. Adrienne Barbeau seemingly reprises her DJ role from The Fog, and she's with us for this ride, introducing many of the stories we are about to see. Ten segments make up this 2015 horror anthology, so let's get right into it. 

Sweet Tooth

Our first story shows a couple teens picking on a kid, letting him know that if he doesn't leave some of his candy for local legend Sweet Tooth, the creature will seek revenge. 

"Make it a full-sized Snickers"

We get a ton of gore to start us off, and a fairly interesting story to boot. The acting is shaky (that's being nice), and the flashback scene is more irritating than anything. Still, this was a solid start to the film, and it left me wondering how Sweet Tooth would do as a standalone feature film. 

The Night Billy Raised Hell

Mr. Abbadon (Barry Bostwick from The Rocky Horror Picture Show) catches young Billy in the act of egging his house. He brings Billy into the house, and takes another youngster in the same outfit for a night of terror around the neighborhood. 

Looking for their next victims

This one is heavy on the comedy, but unfortunately, isn't really funny. It's not particularly scary either, but sort of redeems itself with a little twist ending. The one thing that stands out about this entry is the lighting--it's fantastic.

Trick

Four adults are terrorized when a group of kids invade their home. This outing starts off slowly, as we are briefly introduced to the adults--this is just long enough to find them uninteresting, and slightly annoying, but that is strangely the point (it makes sense, trust me). Why are the kids doing this?

The why is just out of the shot here

If The Night Billy Raised Hell took the foot off the gas for this movie, Trick pressed it back down. The segment is vicious, gory, and has a fantastic twist at the end. 

The Weak and the Wicked

A boy dressed in a home-made superhero outfit and sporting a stopwatch stops three bullies from torturing a young boy, telling them he is there to "spill the blood of the wicked". When confronted by the bullies, our hero gets scared and runs away. Is he running out of fear, or for another reason?

Tick tock

Once the bullies catch up with the fleeing fella, we get a flashback scene, and learn who these four people are--to say they have a history, and that the Viking-helmeted hero has a very good reason for seeking revenge, is an understatement. The ending of this story is bloody and terrific. This was probably my favorite segment in this movie. 

Grim Grinning Ghost

An older lady (Lin Shaye of the Insidious franchise) tells the story of Mary Bailey, a girl who was made fun of her entire life for having a deformed face. The story goes she comes back from the dead to laugh at the living behind their backs. The lady's daughter gets creeped out, and when she has to walk home after her car breaks down, she thinks she is hearing laughter, sending her into a near-panic. 

As if this walk wasn't scary enough

This segment will leave you feeling a little on edge, as the tension is built quickly. The payoff is one you will see coming, and will miss if you blink it, but is one that is satisfying. The real question is how long will it be before Disney finds out about the title of the segment and puts together a lawsuit?

Ding Dong

A woman is distraught about not having children, making Halloween a night of misery for her. She turns into a demonic looking witch, and unleashes the fury on her poor husband, clawing his face. A year later, on Halloween Night, they are dressed as Hansel and the witch from Hansel and Gretel, and excited to be handing out candy. Side note: as I watched this, I was trying to figure out who the actress is. It turns out she's Pollyanna McIntosh, known as Jadis to fans of The Walking Dead.

What did you do with Rick?!!

The approach of this segment is almost exclusively that of comedy, so don't look for any scares here. This story is not really funny, but certainly very quirky, and entertaining enough that you will keep watching. 

This Means War

A traditional Halloween fan is dismayed when new, loud neighbors (including James Duval) decorate their yard with gory effects and loud, heavy metal music. The man gets furious over the loud music, and the battle is on!

John the Mod goes metal!

I don't know why the guy was so upset--while certainly no fan of most metal, I would happily take that over the "music" my neighbors feel the need to share with the rest of the neighborhood. This is another segment that forgoes any bit of horror for a straight comedic approach, but there's really not much to it. The eventual fight is uninspired, and the finale is not unexpected. There is a dude in the crowd who looks like The Blue Meanie though, so there's that.

Friday the 31st

This one starts off with a woman running from a deformed guy (or a regular looking guy in a cheap mask...whichever) carrying a severed head. She ends up in his shed, where she finds he has a collection of heads. She escapes, only to be killed when he tosses a spear about thirty yards and directly through her. This obvious nod to slasher films then takes an unexpected turn when a U.F.O. flies over, and out of it appears a small alien looking to do some trick or treating.

Seriously

What starts off as a horror approach takes a quick turn to comedy when the little green guy shows up, and stays there until the end. It actually produced a moment, soon after the alien crawled into the woman's mouth, that made me laugh loudly, but it went south quickly from there. The segment ends with a showdown that reminded me of Freddy vs Jason, or a Monty Python bit. This segment started strong, but unfortunately, fell apart. 

The Ransom of Rusty Rex

Two crooks decide to kidnap the child of a millionaire. Once they have him and remove his Halloween mask, however, they realize they have picked up more than they bargained for. For some reason, when I saw the reveal, the first thing I thought of was the cover boy of 1980's tabloid magazines, but he was actually played by the late Ben Woolf from American Horror Story.

Rusty...not Bat Boy

Speaking of the 1980's, director John Landis has a cameo in this one, playing the aforementioned millionaire. This one is also much more comedy than horror, but lacks any laughs and is just kind of there.  

Bad Seed

A jack-o-lantern comes to life and bites its maker's head off. Now the police are searching the town for it.

I think she found it

Another legendary director, Joe Dante, pops up in this one. More than anything, this segment ties the rest together. The killer in this one, of course, looks ridiculous, but the pumpkin display it hides in looks cool, and the final shot is impressive. Unfortunately, this wasn't a great story to end the movie with. 

Honestly, Tales of Halloween was a fun watch. While not on the scale of the great horror anthologies such as Trick 'r Treat or Creepshow, it is certainly better than most similar movies, especially the ones that have come out the past 30 years. It would have benefitted from more horror and less comedy--that said, nothing here is so bad it's unwatchable, and the better segments are quite enjoyable. One thing I really loved about this movie is it truly captures a Halloween feel. We have seen countless movies that are set during Halloween but don't deliver that feeling of it--this movie nails it in this department. Also be on the lookout for references to other horror films, as this is full of them. It may never become a go-to every Halloween for me, but I can say my first viewing of Tales of Halloween won't be my last.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

Tales of Halloween Movie Trailer