30 DAYS OF NIGHT

30 Days Of Night Movie Review

The residents of Barrow, Alaska are preparing for 30 days of darkness--what better time for a tribe of vampires to pay a visit? That's the basic story of this 2007 horror flick based on a series of comic books. The film stars Josh Hartnett (The Faculty) and Melissa George (Triangle, The Amityville Horror), and both do a fine job in this one--in fact, the acting across the board is pretty solid in this movie. Ben Foster (X-Men: The Last Stand) is very memorable in his brief time in the film, and Danny Huston (The Number 23) is terrifying as the head vampire.

You've got red on you

This movie has a very dark feel about it--even without the vampires, the mood of a town suffering a month straight of darkness is somber as it is. Gorehounds will be very pleased with this film--once the vampires attack, the violence and bloodshed are unrelenting--the aerial shot of the town under attack is particularly awesome. Not only is the film bloody, the violent scenes are often so realistic looking they border on being disturbing. The vampires themselves actually look scary, and, in a nice touch, also speak their own language. The body count is high, and the movie moves at a great pace. The movie is visually stunning, adding to the viewing enjoyment. Unfortunately, for everything this movie has going for it, the ending is a tremendous letdown, preventing this from being among the all time great vampire flicks--that said, 30 Days of Night is still a very good horror movie, and is one I have watched at least a dozen times.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 8

30 Days Of Night Movie Trailer

TARANTULA

Tarantula Movie Review

Professor Gerald Deemer (Hitchcock film regular Leo G. Carroll) and his colleagues have devised a formula that rapidly increases the growth of animals, but when a tarantula escapes the lab, the results are deadly. I really love watching 1950s sci-fi monster movies, and this 1955 classic is no exception. Let's face it--as much as we love this genre, most of the films are filled with awful dialogue, bad acting, horrible directing--this can certainly add to the enjoyment of some of the films, but Tarantula separates itself from a lot of the pack by actually delivering competency in these areas as well. The acting across the board is actually good, the dialogue is smart, the story is interesting, and the film has a wonderful pace. The makeup and special effects are quite impressive as well, but fear not, monster movie fans--some of the visuals and cheesiness we love are here too.

"..and then he said "Spider? I never even..."

The movie teases romance between our lead, Dr. Matt Hastings (husband of Shirley Temple and regular John Wayne sidekick), and understudy Stephanie Clayton (former Playboy model Mara Corday), but that really goes nowhere. It also...oh, you want to see Corday? Well, if you insist...

You're welcome

Tarantula is also known for the very brief appearance of a young Clint Eastwood, in an uncredited role.

"Get off my desert floor"

The 1950s produced dozens and dozens of giant, mutant insect and creature movies, but few are as good as Tarantula. While it falls short of what I would consider a "great" movie, if you are a fan of this genre, it should be considered a must-see.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

Tarantula Movie Trailer

KISS OF THE TARANTULA

Kiss of the Tarantula Movie Review

After learning her mother and uncle plan on killing her father so they can be together, creepy, spider-loving little girl Susan uses a tarantula to kill her mom. We flash forward a few years and see Susan is now in high school, still loves spiders, and is picked on by several people from school and around town--I'll let you guess what happens to them.

"Want to hold my friend?"

This movie came out during the mid-seventies, and was one of several movies of that decade that revolved around loner weirdos with some connection to animals, which they use to exact revenge--Jennifer and Stanley are two other good examples, and I am realizing now I have yet to review Jennifer--stay tuned. While certainly tame for a horror film (it is rated PG, though would likely get a PG-13 these days), it does have some pretty horrific moments and a small bit of gore. The music is pretty good in this one, helping to set an unsettling mood throughout. Suzanna Ling does a good job as the teenage Susan, and I was surprised to learn this was the only movie she ever appeared in. The rest of the acting is pretty rough, and the pace does slow down incredibly, making it seem longer than its 91 minutes run time. The dialogue is really bad here too, and the directing is awful, but the story itself is interesting enough to keep you hooked. Stick with it--you'll love what happens to the creeper uncle in the end. I wasn't expecting much out of this movie, but Kiss Of the Tarantula turned out a little better than I thought it would be. I give this one a mild recommendation in general, and a must-see if you are into the films I mentioned earlier.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 6

Kiss of the Tarantula Movie Trailer

CUBE ZERO

Cube Zero Movie Review

In this prequel to Cube, we see the men responsible for the cube as we simultaneously see the latest group of people go room to room in their attempt to escape. The third, and to date, final, movie of the franchise attempts to answer some of the questions left open by the other two films, while also presenting new ideas and concepts--this is a tricky endeavor in prequels, and unfortunately, this film does not pull this off well at all. As this is a prequel, one would expect the rooms to look just like they do in the first film--they don't. In fact, the rooms look very different here. Cube 2 is completely ignored (thank goodness), which means all the parallel universes and other such nonsense is out, the CGI is an improvement from that film, and this is probably the goriest of the three movies.

"I'm melting...melting!"

You know the type of characters to expect, and it's obvious from early in the film that behind the scenes man Eric (Zachary Bennett) will eventually enter the cube to help Rains (Stephanie Moore) attempt to escape. While we don't get to see who the top man of the cube experiment is, we do see who is presumably the top man at the actual location of the cube and he's...well...

Eye don't have the words

This character, Jax, is so over-the-top, and actor Michael Riley hams it up so much, that it's really hard to take him seriously, and worse, after waiting three movies to see who is pulling the strings here, this reveal is a major let down. If that's not bad enough, the final scene is beyond absurd. While not as bad as the second installment of the franchise, Cube Zero still falls well short of its potential, and is a rather disappointing finale to the series. 

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 5

Cube Zero Movie Trailer

CUBE 2: HYPERCUBE

Cube 2: Hypercube Movie Review

Just as in the original Cube film, a group of strangers awaken in a square room with no memory how they got there. They must maneuver from room to room as they attempt to find their way out of this hyper-cube. Unlike in the original, all the rooms are white, and very few are actually booby trapped--and the ones that are are, well, uninteresting. This movie relies WAY too much on CGI, and unfortunately, the CGI is all pretty awful.

It doesn't get any better than this

The characters are almost carbon copies of the original film--the caring motherly type, the back-stabbing jerk, the math genius--you get the picture--and other than maybe Jerry (Neil Crone, It), they are pretty unlikable. The story becomes overly convoluted, as we discover the hyper-cube includes alternate universes and time distortions, among other ridiculousness. The rooms are far less interesting than in the original--it's as if the people making this movie were more interested in what they could do in post-production than actually presenting a decent film. Watch this movie if you are having a Cube marathon--otherwise, skip it.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 4

Cube 2: Hypercube Movie Trailer

CUBE

Cube Movie Review

A group of strangers awaken in a seemingly never-ending maze of rooms--some of which contain deadly booby traps. As they get to know each other and learn of each others' individual knowledge and strengths, they work together to figure out how to escape. This low-budget Canadian film from 1997 is incredibly original and somewhat ahead of its time. As a viewer, it's exciting watching the characters go from room to room and discover if the next room is a trap or not. The film is also visually pleasing, as each room is filled with a different, vibrant color.

Red room, red room

This movie leans more toward science fiction than horror, but there is a fair bit of blood and gore, none surpassing the opening sequence.

When he saw this room he should have split

The acting is hit or miss here--half the cast is pretty good, while the other half is really, really bad. The characters are not developed much, making it a bit challenging to care what happens to them--except Quentin--you WILL want to see him killed. Director Vincenzo Natali provides some very interesting camera angles--you will either love or hate this approach, and I personally think it is very effective. Cube is not a great movie by any stretch, but it's uniqueness, presentation, and variety of rooms are enough to make it a very enjoyable film.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

Cube Movie Trailer

THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (2003)

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Movie Review

A group of friends on their way to a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert seek help from the sheriff (R. Lee Ermey) of a small town after a hitchhiker they picked up kills herself—unfortunately for them, the sheriff is also the patriarch of a family of killers and lunatics. This 2003 version of the 1974 classic still stands out to me as one of the best horror movie remakes of the 21st Century. Because this movie is so different than the original, I will keep the comparisons to the original to a minimum here—I will say this outing is a lot bloodier than the original, not as scary, and much more slick—to that point, when you watch this movie, you have to understand two things: the original was a low-budget grindhouse film with no expectations of achieving any sort of huge commercial success (much less becoming the iconic film it is today), while the 2003 version had a much larger budget and was created for mainstream popularity and acceptance. It is important to keep that in mind while watching this movie, or, if you saw this one before the original, keep that in mind while viewing the 1974 film. Anyway, some of the more ominous themes of the original film are dropped here, but that doesn’t necessarily make this version any less intense. The actors do a decent job, and director Marcus Nispel and cinematographer Daniel Pearl do a fine job making us believe the events of this film are actually happening in 1973. Another nice touch to the film is bringing John Larroquette back to narrate the film, as he had done the original. The story itself, of course, is a disturbing one, and some of the scenes are likely to leave you feeling a bit uneasy.

This scene certainly ruffled some feathers

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We know from the beginning which of the friends will be the one to make it to the end, so no surprises there, but after such a strong build up, the climax of the film feels a bit disappointing—still, the 2003 edition of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is a very enjoyable horror flick that, for better or worse, kicked off the trend of remaking classic horror movies that continues 14 years later.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 8

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Movie Trailer

THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (Original) (aka The Texas Chain Saw Massacre)

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Movie Review

Sally (Marilyn Burns) and her invalid brother Franklin (Paul A. Partian), along with a few friends, visit an abandoned house they had spent some time in as children--after encountering some strange people along the way, they eventually wander into a nearby house, which is the home of a masked, chainsaw-wielding killer.

THIS leatherfaced killer, to be exact

Director, producer, and co-writer Tobe Hooper made a huge splash with this low-budget 1974 horror film, which is far more suited for a local grindhouse or drive-in of the 1970s than any sort of mainstream theatre, but somehow broke through to a massive audiences and gave us one of the all-time great characters in horror history. Practically everything about this movie is unsettling, from the plot to the way it's shot to the music--everything comes together perfectly to tell a horrific tale. This landmark slasher film, which many consider one of the scariest movies ever made, is all the more impressive in that it manages to terrify the audience without actually showing much blood or violence. The acting is also very impressive here--Burns is really good as Sally, and Edwin Neal does such a good job as The Hitchhiker that you can't imagine him NOT being that insane in real life. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is considered one of the greatest horror movies ever made, a title it very much deserves--there is a lot to like about this movie, its shortcomings are very few, and it is basically a blueprint for tons of movies that would follow it.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 9

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Movie Trailer