V/H/S/99

V/H/S/99 Movie Review

The year is 1999, and the fear is Y2K--actually, that's kind of mentioned a bit in passing in this film, but isn't a major concern--I just like how the year is 1999, and the fear is Y2K sounds. A Shudder Original, V/H/S/99 marks the fifth entry in the V/H/S series, and the sixth in the franchise (Siren, a spin-off of the original V/H/S, is in the mix as well). As with the others, the premise is a series of horrors caught on VHS and presented as an anthology. We are missing the usual wraparound story, however--instead, we get a bit of an interlude between them. These feature stop-motion action starring toy soldiers, shot by a character we will see in one of the stories later on. 

The Germans didn't fare well

Our first segment is titled "Shredding". An irritating, self-titled "punk" band (their music doesn't sound punk at all, but don't get me started on that) enjoys skateboarding, making bad music, and pulling pranks--to build a fan base, they record all this and put it on something fairly new called the World Wide Web.

"Pretend we're dead"

Their latest stunt is breaking into an abandoned music venue that once caught fire, killing a somewhat less annoying, somewhat more punk band a few years prior.

They're no L7 either

The results are predictable, but man, you have to love the practical effects used here. The characters in the band are just unlikable enough that you cheer for their demise, though you may feel for the poor drummer. We're not off to a great start, but once the band made it underground, this one got exciting.

Next up is "Suicide Bid". Would you let a group of really annoying women bury you alive overnight so you can join their group? A seemingly smart college student name Lily proves her bulb doesn't glow so bright after all when she agrees to do just that. The group is the most evil of all--a sorority. I could live hundreds of lifetimes and never understand why people subject themselves to the things they do to join college fraternities and sororities, but that's not what we're here to talk about. The reason for the burial also has something to do with a local urban legend, and you know that's going to come into play. While it's hard to feel sorry for Lily (she did voluntarily put herself in this situation), you can certainly understand her fear, and the terror creeps up in this segment, leading to a wonderful ending. 

Looks wonderful to me!

Wanna play a game? If so, our next segment, "Ozzy's Dungeon", might be for you! Ozzy's Dungeon is a children's game show--picture Double Dare in The Upside Down, with the Fly Girls from In Living Color, and hosted by Wayne Newton on cocaine.

"Can this be real?"

The gameshow has an unbeatable obstacle course, and when one contestant gets seriously injured during the course, her family is out for revenge. They capture the host (actually Steven Ogg of The Walking Dead fame) and force him to go through a homemade version of the course. This segment starts off strong, but really drops off once it gets to the revenge part. From there, it kind of drags to the point of becoming boring. Stick with it though--the ending is beyond bizarre, and has a fun little twist. 

It made me grin too

The toy soldiers story takes an unexpected turn, then transitions into the next segment, "The Gawkers". A group of teen boys with a video camera go around the neighborhood recording themselves doing stupid stuff and spying on girls. When a woman moves across the street, they all go full obsessed and, from one of the boy's bedroom, watch her every move. When they convince the little brother to secretly install a camera on her computer, however, the boys have gone too far--and the woman knows it. What they want is to see her naked; what they get is...well, half that, but so much more. I really liked this segment. The boys, for as annoying as they could be, were somewhat likable in their innocent idiocy. They were like a group of guys who have never had a girl even talk to them, and their interactions actually felt very real. The reveal of the woman was awesome, and the resulting onslaught was both classic and original. This was the best of the installments. 

What's Gorgon on here?

A couple buddies are hired to document a ritual performed by a coven of witches. Their purpose? Summon a demon to take over the body of Kirsten, a woman who has volunteered to be there (what's up with these people volunteering for these things?). An uninvited demon arrives, however, and as the witches cast it back to hell, it drags the two videographers with it. The guys must now find a way back home. That's what's happening in "To Hell and Back", the final segment of the movie. This one looks absolutely stunning, and, in many ways, may be exactly what you picture hell to look like. The practical effects are fantastic, and the creatures look frightening. You may recognize a couple people in this story--Joseph Winter and Melanie Stone of Deadstream are both here--in fact, if you look close enough, you may recognize at least one other character from that movie too. As was the case with that film, this one is heavy on comedy--unfortunately, there's more miss than hit this time, and, with such a wonderful set, you wish they would have focused more on the horror. While still a fine segment, ending the movie with this one makes it feel like it went out with a whimper. 

That's no reason to turn your back on it!

As is always the case with anthology movies, some segments are better than others--"The Gawkers" stands above the rest for sure. "Suicide Bid" is also very solid from start to finish. The remaining three are a bit unbalanced--there's a lot to sit through with "Shredding" to get to a decent ending; "Ozzy's Dungeon", the weakest overall, starts off on fire, goes ice cold, then picks back up for the closing minutes; "To Hell and Back" looks phenomenal, but otherwise is nothing great. I believe an anthology film should be like a rock concert--start off hot and finish hot. With that in mind, I would have kicked this movie off with "Suicide Bid" and ended it with "The Gawkers", which they kind of, sort of did, but not really. That aside, V/H/S/99 was a fun movie. More often than not, practical effects were used, and they looked great. The stories were interesting, and there were some genuinely creepy moments. Stay tuned for the credits to enjoy a post-credits scene, and some Danzig awesomeness while the credits roll. When I reviewed V/H/S/94, I said it was the best of the series since the original film--this one is even better, and is just as good as the first movie. 

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

V/H/S/99 Movie Trailer

DEADSTREAM

 

Deadstream Movie Review

Social media influencer (God, I hate that term) Shawn (Joseph Winter), known for livestreaming himself facing his fears via outrageous stunts, loses his many sponsorships and a large portion of his following after a controversial outing. Now, with one sole sponsor, and allowed back on a social media platform with strict guidelines, Shawn attempts to win back his followers and old sponsors by facing his biggest fear yet--ghosts. To do this, he is going to lock himself in Death Manor, known as "the most haunted house in the country", for the night...and, of course, livestream it. As is the case with a lot of similar movies, this one has the action in the middle, with the viewers commenting on the right.

Influencer influenced

Every once in a while, my girlfriend will pick out a newer horror movie for us to watch, and for me to review--my loyal readers know that, more often than not, what she selects is...let's say...not great. As this movie started, and I saw some dude who looked like Sami Zayn's little brother being obnoxious and reminding me why I seldom ever watch any videos online while simultaneously making me wonder why so many others do watch people such as this guy, I started to wonder if I would make it through this entire movie. Shawn positioned the cameras, and I realized I would be looking up this guy's nose for most of the movie--now I knew for sure I'd never make it. But then, something interesting happened. Shawn got into the house. A story began to unfold. A few creepy things started happening. Then a mysterious girl named Chrissy (Melanie Stone) showed up, and the movie took off like a hydraulic launch roller coaster and didn't slow down. (Speaking of launch coaster but kind of off topic, let's take a moment to remember the awesomeness that was Cedar Point's Top Thrill Dragster, which was recently retired...or retired as we know it...or something). Obviously, what we have is a haunted house movie, so we're going to see ghosts, and I cannot stress enough how much I love how they look.

No CGI nonsense here!

The practical approach to the special effects is absolutely wonderful, and is an art that is sadly missing in most modern horror. There are many moments throughout that remind me of The Evil Dead, but in a most respectful, groovy way. The comedy is hit or miss, but when it hits, there are some laugh out loud moments--the running gag about no cursing is particularly funny, as is the naming of the cameras. The jabs at the "internet famous" and their fans also land. For the most part, this is a two person show, and Winter and Stone, both relative unknows, turn in very impressive performances. The house is genuinely creepy, but as the most haunted house in the country, I would have maybe made it even less touched. There's graffiti all over, making it seem as if tons of people have visited. I would have gotten rid of all that, and made it so that this place is so scary, nobody dares step foot inside. That aside, once you get past the first fifteen or so minutes, there's really not a lot to complain about. The first main twist is one you'll see coming, but the false finishes are clever, and will have you glued until the end. Over the years, I've wrapped up a few reviews by saying something along the lines of "I wanted to like this movie, but..." With Deadstream, it's quite the opposite--I generally dislike having social media/cell phone text interactions in movies, I have no interest whatsoever in "influencers", and, for the most part, I'm not a fan of most recent horror comedies, so upon starting this movie, and seeing a terribly annoying influencer, with text on the screen, I really wanted to dislike this movie, but I couldn't. Deadstream is funny, it's scary, it's smart, it's made very well, is one I recommend, and is a flick I believe will only get better with each additional viewing.  

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

Deadstream Movie Trailer

HORROR OF DRACULA

 

Horror of Dracula Movie Review

After his buddy Harker (John Van Eyssen) is unsuccessful at killing Count Dracula (Christopher Lee), Dr. Van Helsing (Peter Cushing) sets out to take on the monster himself. Coming out in 1958, this was the first time Lee played Dracula and Cushing played Van Helsing--as a result of the box office success and critical acclaim it would receive, Hammer, the company behind the movie, would bring both actors back as their respective characters many times in the years to come. As this movie shows, it is a fine formula, with both actors doing outstanding jobs here. Dracula purists may be turned off somewhat, as the movie, while clearly based on the novel, does take many liberties in steering away from it--interestingly, a lot of this was done for budgetary purposes, as the company did not invest enough money into the making of the film to afford a lot of special effects. The special effects we do have are, well...

I'll let you decide

The pace of the movie is decent, but does tend to slow at times. As for the stars, Lee has under ten minutes of screen time, and Cushing doesn't show up until about a third of the way through the film--thankfully, the supporting cast is strong enough to carry the rest. This movie is also credited for transforming the character of Dracula--and vampires in general--to more sexy beings--take from that what you will. The movie is shot wonderfully, and is certainly one of my favorite Hammer offerings. 

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

Horror of Dracula Movie Trailer

STRANGER THINGS (Season 4, Volume 2)

 

Stranger Things Season 4, Volume 2 Review

And we’re back. When we last saw our heroes, they were heading full speed toward the inevitable final battles (my review of the first volume of this season can be found here). The second part of season four has just two episodes, but the combined run time of these is over four hours, so don't underestimate the time required to wrap this up. As is tradition with my Stranger Things reviews, I'm applying a spoiler alert here.

Halt! Spoiler Alert!

Having just recalled sending Henry/One off to become Vecna, Eleven has regained her powers, but the battle between Sam Owens (Paul Reiser) and Brenner/Papa (Matthew Modine) over her fate continues. Vecna provides Nancy some rather grim visions of the future, and the Hawkins group plots to destroy him once and for all. Mike, Will, Jonathan, and (unfortunately) Argyle return (they were not in episode 7) and are on their way to find Eleven. Finally, Hopper, Joyce, Enzo, and Murray fight their way out of the Russian prison, only to fight their way back in, and then fight their way back out. 

"I'm so confused"

The final two episodes continue the horror theme set in the first seven episodes, and we see the story unfold quite nicely, with every layer peeled away leading to more intrigue. The visuals continue to stun as well, with the red color scheme of the Upside Down being especially effective. As a fan of the desert, seeing the scenes set there was an enjoyable experience as well. 

 

Out in the desert

Some of the drawbacks from the first volume continue on here--I'm not a big fan of the whole government/military part of the story, and good grief, was there ever a lot of it here. The comedy was off a lot of the time, and provided few actual funny moments--this could have been scaled back, or removed entirely, to focus more on the terror; that said, the Domino's bit, a company that ran Stranger Things promotions this season, made me laugh. The music also continued to largely be a letdown. The first season featured The Clash, Joy Division, and New Order, and seemed to unleash a feast for the ears every few minutes. This season lacked that element, though it did bring Kate Bush's "Running Up That Hill", a song a few of we of Gen X have enjoyed for many years, into the lives of millions who never heard it before--much less impressive is the use of Metallica's "Master of Puppets" in an otherwise cool scene (maybe Lars will be able to buy a new Porsche as a result of this). There's also the head-scratching use of Moby's "When It's Cold I'd Like to Die" for the second time in the series (the first time being in season one). Though not a bad song, a track released in the mid-1990's seems way out of place in a show set in the mid-1980's--I'll still take it over Metallica any day though. The musical misfires are somewhat redeemed, however, when "Spellbound", by the eternally awesome Siouxsie and the Banshees, plays. 

I'll save you the trouble

If you have read to this point, you either missed the previous spoiler alerts, or you saw them and decided to press on...in case you missed them, I'm going to throw them out there again, because what follows, more than anything else, qualifies as major spoilers, so...

"SPOILER ALERT!!!"

After the military invades the underground facility that houses Eleven, we see Dr. Brenner shot and killed by a dude in a helicopter--Eleven disposes of them, and in his dying moments, Brenner tells Eleven he only did what was best for her, but she'll have none of it. The California kids arrive soon after, but they don't have enough time to make it to Hawkins, so Eleven piggybacks via Max's mind to help battle Vecna. Meanwhile, the crew in Russia have contact with a government official in America and learn what's happening--they realize that since Vecna and all his creatures in the Upside Down are connected via a hive mind existence, killing the remaining monsters there will help the kids back home. The results are somewhat shocking--new fan favorite Eddie is killed by the bats in the Upside Down, and Max is killed by Vecna...for a minute, anyway, before Eleven brings her back to life. As for Vecna, he pulled the classic horror movie "the good guys think they've killed the villain, but when they go to see the body, he's gone" act. A couple days later, everybody is reunited in Hawkins--Max is in a coma in the hospital, and she's suffered broken arms and legs and may also be blind. Nancy decides (at least for now) to stay with Jonathan instead of Steve. We get the family reunions and see the damage Vecna caused throughout the town. Most importantly, in the final scene, we find the Upside Down is beginning to take over Hawkins, and Will confirms Vecna is still kicking. 

"Well, this is no good"

We know for sure there will be one more season of Stranger Things, and rumor is there will be a time jump leading into it--this will help with the obvious age discrepancy of the kids, but wait too long, and you could still have the same issue. Other than what I previously covered, there are a couple other loose ends that have not yet been tied--Lt. Colonel Jack Sullivan is still on the search for Eleven, we don't know the fate of Owens, Will still seems uncomfortable with the idea of leaving childhood behind, and at least one Russian of questionable morals is aware of these Americans wanted by the KGB still being alive. 

"Wait...you're talking about me!"

Once again, Stranger Things didn't fail to deliver. I loved the focus going back to horror--I cannot express this enough. To me, it was the best thing about season four. The sets and visuals were wonderful, Vecna and the creatures looked cool, and there are some genuinely scary moments this season. The focus is more on the girls (Eleven, Max, and Nancy) than the core four boys this season, and I'm okay with this too. The new characters are a mixed bag--I could certainly do without Argyle and the basketball team, but Henry, Eddie, and Enzo were all welcome additions. I didn't care for the bait and switch of Max dying just to come back to life, but it did result in possibly the strongest dramatic performance we saw all season, when Lucas (Caleb McLaughlin) absolutely breaks down--one has to sort of feel bad for Finn Wolfhard, whose performance in a similar situation at about the same time looked forced and amateurish by comparison. The final few scenes, from the battle with Vecna until "Spellbound" starts playing, have a general feel of sadness--even with seeing Hopper and Joyce reunite with the kids, there is a melancholy that really could be felt throughout most of the season. If not for the first two episodes of the season being so slow, season four would have scored much higher for me--shaving some time off them, and other episodes here and there, could have really done wonders. Even with this, season four was a very fun ride and well worth the extended wait for it, and I'm already itching for that final season.  

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

Stranger Things Season 4, Volume 2 Trailer

WILLY'S WONDERLAND

Willy's Wonderland Movie Review

A stranger (Nicolas Cage) passing through a small town runs over spike strips, blowing out all the tires on his car. The town mechanic only accepts cash, which the stranger does not have, and the ATM isn't working; thankfully, there is a way for the man to pay the mechanic--by spending the night cleaning up an abandoned family entertainment center filled with animatronic characters (think Chuck E. Cheese, but with less gun violence). This 2021 flick blends a nice balance of horror, comedy, and action, even with a slightly scaled down performance from Cage--in fact, Cage's performance is one with no spoken lines, which inherently brings the Cage crazy down a bit, though we do catch glimpses of the Nic we all love, particularly when he's playing pinball. 

Nicolas Cage

Being

Nicolas Cage

Naturally, Willy's has a checkered past, and we learn its history as the movie unfolds. The story tiptoes along grounds we have visited before, but that really doesn't make the movie any less interesting...or fun. Chipping in to help Cage in his battle with the come-to-life animatronics is a group of teens--one of them has a direct link to Willy's Wonderland, none of the rest have any real backstory or character development at all, and none of the people playing these characters have much acting ability. The movie keeps a steady pace, and surprisingly never veers too far into the comedy path. Some questions are left unanswered--why does Cage (his character has no actual name, by the way--he's credited as The Janitor, but he's never named in the film, hence me referring to the actor instead of the character's name) have to down the can of energy drink every time his alarm goes off? This includes when he is about to do battle. Why is playing the pinball game equally as important? Why does he wait until each animatronic comes to life and fights them one on one? He has plenty of opportunity to destroy them while they are still stationary, but he doesn't. Ultimately, none of this matters too much--after all, we're not expecting a Hitchcock masterpiece going into a movie titled Willy's Wonderland and starring Nicolas Cage. The movie does deliver where expected, however, and is quite a fun ride along the way, complete with a fantastic soundtrack--just try getting these songs out of your head. 

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

Willy's Wonderland Movie Trailer

THE POUGHKEEPSIE TAPES

The Poughkeepsie Tapes Movie Review

After discovering hundreds of VHS tapes showing the torture and murder of various people, the police do what they can to piece together the clues to capture a serial killer. This 2007 film, which saw a huge delay in its release (more on that in a bit), is shot like a documentary, and contrary to what many may believe, is neither real, nor based on a true story--that said, for being a mockumentary, this one looks as real as any such film you will come across. If you are a fan of true crime shows, this movie is right up your alley. We see interviews with people involved in the case, such as police, FBI agents, the guy who had to watch all the tapes, family and friends of the victims--you get the idea--intertwined with clips from the found tapes--and this is where things get weird.

Not calling YOU weird...

Back to the distribution thing--the film was set for a theatrical release in early 2008, but MGM, for reasons not explained (or found by this reviewer), pulled it, shelved it, and seemingly forgot about it. The flick saw the light of day (bonus points if the song and/or movie of the same name just entered your mind) in 2014, when DirecTV gave it a video on demand release--it found even more fans three years later, when Shout Factory gave it a DVD and Blu-Ray release, a full ten years after it was shot. 

That's a long time to be tied up

In this case, it's better to be released late than not at all. This movie has a very unsettling feel from start to finish, and the fake documentary/found footage approach is presented quite well. Some parts of the movie are hard to watch, both in their level of violence/torture and in the graininess of the films. If all home videos looked like this in the 1980s or 1990s, they would have never stuck around. For a guy so invested in making these videos, you would think that, at some point, the killer would get a different camcorder, or maybe try a different brand of tape, but alas, all are damaged to the point of being hard to watch--a more subtle approach in post would have been very much appreciated by the viewer. One also wishes the momentum would have kept up throughout, but the intriguing story eventually gives way to more and more video clips meant to shock the viewer instead of advancing the story. The Poughkeepsie Tapes still comes off as a unique, fresh entry in the found footage genre, and certainly is worth watching. 

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

The Poughkeepsie Tapes Movie Trailer

FEAR STREET PART TWO: 1978

Fear Street Part 2: 1978 Movie Review

The survivors of Fear Street Part 1 break into the home of C. Berman (Gillian Jacobs), who then tells the tale of her time at Camp Nightwing in, you guessed it, 1978. We flashback to this disco-tastic time and place, where we meet sisters Cindy (Emily Rudd) and Ziggy Berman (Sadie Sink of Stranger Things fame), a young Nick Goode (Ted Sutherland), a bunch of campers and counselors, and a masked maniac killing them--yes, the second movie in the Fear Street trilogy is a not-so-subtle nod to the slasher genre, and more specifically, the Friday the 13th films. 

The fourth Tommy?

C. Berman tells the teens her sister was killed in 1978, so a large part of this movie is trying to figure out which sister survives--this may leave you guessing right up until the end. Clues are dropped along the way, and references to David Bowie will either help or confuse (I personally thought it was a stretch that C named her cat Major Tom when the guy who killed her sister was named Tommy, but I got past it). We also get more of the history of the rivalry between Shadyside and Sunnyvale, and see that little has changed between 1978 and 1994.

Hatred turned up to the max

 The first film started the trilogy off strong, and the second outing kicks it up from there. As I mentioned when reviewing 1994, there wasn't a great deal of 90's nostalgia with that movie, but with 1978, this changes--this movie comes really close to capturing the look and feel of films from that time. The music is what you would expect from the era, and ranges from the aforementioned Bowie to The Runaways to The Velvet Underground to disco. The acting is decent--Sink and Sutherland are likable, McCabe Slye is creepy as Tommy, and Jacqi Vene nails the pot-smoking, free love chick character--Ryan Simpkins is a bit of a struggle as Alice, and the rest of the cast is just sort of there, the result of minimal character development, but certainly acceptable as inevitable victims. The carnage is unrelenting, and some of the death scenes are brutal and graphic. We even have child campers being offed, though they don't go so far as to actually show this happening like they do with the older victims. Without giving away too much of the central plot of the trilogy, we learn how to end the curse in this one, but the final scene (back in 1994) shows this may not be as easy as it seems, and we get a tease of what is to come in the final film. Fear Street Part 2: 1978 does a wonderful job of carrying the story laid out in the first film. It also feels more like a Friday the 13th movie than some of the films from the actual franchise do--even if the movie had nothing else at all going for it, that alone makes it worth watching, but fortunately, there is a lot to like in 1978.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

Fear Street Part 2: 1978 Movie Trailer

FEAR STREET PART ONE: 1994

Fear Street Part 1: 1994 Movie Review

Shadyside has quite a history of violence, tragedy, and bizarre events--the most recent is a slasher killing teens in a mall...and a curse...and a witch...and ghosts...and, well, yeah, there's a lot going on in this Netflix original, but I will try to present it to you with minimal spoilage. The title should tell you two things right off--this is the beginning of a series of films (a trilogy, to be exact), and it's set in 1994...oh, the stories I could tell about 1994...but you are not here for that, and I don't have all week, so let's stay focused on this movie. Fans of R.L. Stine may also recognize the title, and yes, these movies are based on the author's books, but if you are expecting something geared toward the younger audience, you are not quite ready for this flick, as the blood is plenty and the f-bombs are excessive. Coming out of the gate, you will get the overwhelming feeling you have seen all this before--if you think to yourself "this is some odd combination of Scream, Stranger Things, and The Outsiders", know you are not alone. 

Children of the Socs?

This one starts off strong, with a scene that will make even the most cynical of us miss the mallrat days just a bit--the black lights effect in one store is particularly cool. 

Killer

After a promising (albeit heavily borrowed) opening sequence, the movie slows considerably, as we find out about love interests, the early days of the internet and chat rooms (I had no idea of the existence of either in 1994), and the rivalry between Shadyside and Sunnyvale. We also get to hear a lot of cool music from those days (though being a music geek as well as a movie one, I noticed a few songs used had not yet been released in 1994), and meet the main characters--I could have done without Simon (Fred Hechinger), but the rest are fine. If you are wanting that nostalgic feeling for the 1990's that movies such as It brought for the 1980's, you won't get much of it here--between the opening sequence and the showdown at the grocery store near the end, the nods to the time the story is set in are subtle (the band posters and stickers were my personal favorites). Once the murkiness of the plot clears up a bit, the remainder of the movie is a wonderfully fun ride, with slick flashbacks, villains that may remind you of 2001's Thirteen Ghosts, and a few twists. The ride lasts right up until the end, which leaves us eager for the next film--and we don't have to wait long! All three movies are shot, and Part 2 will be released July 8, followed by the third film July 16--and my reviews will appear soon after! 

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

Fear Street Part 1: 1994 Movie Trailer

CAVEAT

 

Caveat Movie Review

Barrett (Ben Caplan) hires Isaac (Jonathan French), a loner suffering from memory loss, to look after his mentally ill niece, Olga (Leila Sykes), for a week...in an abandoned house...out in the middle of nowhere...and on an island. Let us also add that Isaac has no idea where this island is, he can't swim, and, upon arrival, is told he has to wear a locked jacket with a heavy chain linked to it, and the other end of the chain is connected to the very dark, creepy basement. All of this adds up to my main issue with this movie--who would agree to keep this job? He is not forced into this in any way. We are also not told of any critical need for money Isaac may have. So why go through with this insane plan? 

"I had nothing better to do"

This 2020 film comes to us from Ireland, and is a Shudder Original, so head over there if you want to check it out...after reading this, of course. The film starts off well, with Olga creepily walking around the house, holding the most terrifying looking rabbit I've ever laid eyes on. 

She's seen enough of him

After a rough time getting Isaac in place for the rest of the story, the movie gets far more interesting. This is not a loud, in your face slasher type flick, but rather much more like a Japanese ghost story movie--a slow burn, with visually disturbing moments and an unnerving atmosphere. This is a three characters show, and to their credit, all three of these performers do a nice job--with less talented actors, this could have been a disaster. The final third of the movie brings plenty of suspense, a little blood, and some twists and turns, leading to an ending I suspect most will either love or hate--I lean toward the former. This film could have bordered on being outstanding had we been given a better reason for Isaac to accept this job (not to spoil anything, but near the end, we find even more reasons why he should have turned the money down)--as it is, Caveat is still a chilling horror movie that is certainly worth checking out. 

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

Caveat Movie Trailer

THE AMUSEMENT PARK

The Amusement Park Movie Review

An old man walks into an all-white room and asks another old man there if he would like to go outside--no, this isn't the start of a joke, but is the beginning of The Amusement Park (well, kind of. It actually begins with another old man telling the viewer what they are about to see). Anyway, the old man who was already in the room appears disheveled, and warns the much more optimistic elderly man against going outside. The other guy ignores him, and steps back out the door, and right into an amusement park. This movie from 1973 is about as unusual as it gets--it was commissioned as an educational video about age discrimination, but was directed and edited by George A. Romero...yes, THAT George A. Romero...so it turned out a bit more disturbing than was wanted, and was shelved. This was assumed to be lost entirely until, in 2017, a 16MM print was discovered. This was restored, and voila! The movie lives once more for the entire world to enjoy.

Enjoy is maybe not the correct term

The overall message of this film is that getting old sucks--I think most of us knew that already, but the levels of absolute hell we see the senior citizens in this film endure are gut-wrenching. Symbolism is the name of the game here--there's not much blood at all, and no gore, but my goodness, is this movie terrifying. The amusement park setting is fun, and the juxtaposition of that being the backdrop to the very real world problems presented in this feature is beyond surreal. More than anything, the movie is depressing--we see the old folks being treated poorly, but as I watched, an even more depressing thought entered my mind--everybody in this film, even the very youngest, are either dead, senior citizens themselves now, or at least well into their fifties and about to face the same problems our main character here deals with. If that thought wasn't depressing enough, another one popped in there --senior citizens today are probably treated even worse than they were almost fifty years ago. All this said, this flick, which is under an hour long, is worth checking out for the stylistic merits alone--it's not a traditional horror, but is unquestionably horrific.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

The Amusement Park Movie Trailer

INCIDENT IN A GHOSTLAND

Incident in a Ghostland Movie Review

After her aunt dies, a woman and her two daughters move into the aunt's old house. Soon after, they are terrorized by a couple intruders, who are killed after some brutal struggles. Now a successful writer, Beth returns to the house sixteen years later to find her sister, Vera, is practically insane, and her mother is barely holding herself together. 

That doll is the least strange thing in this house

This 2018 film is brought to us by French director Pascal Laugier--if this name sounds familiar, you may have seen his 2008 outing, Martyrs, and if you have seen that movie, you know Laugier doesn't exactly shy away from the gore. While Ghostland doesn't quite reach the levels of shock found in Martyrs, it does certainly have its moments, and the violence is rather unrelenting. Though some of the scenes are unsettling (as are the girls' faces), it is the atmosphere that carries this film. You could remove all the blood and guts from this flick and still be left with visuals that leave you feeling uneasy. 

So many dolls!

The film does offer up some twists and turns, and if you don't know about them already, they may catch you off guard. The acting is probably a step up from what you would expect, and the villains very much have that 1970's grindhouse horror feel to them. The story is an interesting one to be sure, but it is not entirely original (I don't want to go into the land of spoilers here, but you have likely seen at least one movie with this twist). The ending is massively disappointing, as you feel Beth and Vera never get the justice (or revenge) they deserve. Still, Incident in a Ghostland is far scarier and more entertaining than I expected it to be, and one I will likely watch again someday. 

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

Incident in a Ghostland Movie Trailer

THE VAMPIRE DOLL

The Vampire Doll Movie Review

Kazuhiko Sagawa (Atsuo Nakamura) goes up the country to visit his fiancée, Yûko Nonomura (Yukiko Kobayashi, Destroy All Monsters); upon arrival, Yûko's mother, Shidu (Yôko Minakaze), breaks the news of Yûko's death to Kazuhiko, who then goes missing. Days later, Kazuhiko's sister, Keiko Sagawa (Kayo Matsuo) and her fiancée, Hiroshi Takagi (Akira Nakao), go in search of the missing couple. Where has Kazuhiko gone? Is Yûko really dead? What does Shidu know about all this? These are the questions in this 1970 Japanese horror film, brought to us by Toho...yes, the same company that gave the world Godzilla.. Toho decided to venture away from the giant monster movies here, and steered more toward something that very much feels like a classic Japanese ghost story combined with a Hammer vampire film. The result is impressive...and very creepy.

Vampire, ghost, or jaundice?

Had you told me prior to watching The Vampire Doll that Toho made such a movie, I would have scoffed a bit--in fact, I did just that when I began watching this film. It's not that I dislike their movies--on the contrary, I am a huge Godzilla fan--I just wouldn't have pictured them successfully pulling off an actual horror film, but it really didn't take long at all for me to be pulled into this story. The movie does have that slow burn build that many good Japanese films bring, but it never falls into the plodding pace of most Hammer flicks. As you likely suspect, there is not a ton of gore here, but the final scene does present a surprising amount of blood. The acting is strong as well, with Kobayashi turning in a memorably wicked performance. The explanation of what is happening with Yûko leaves a little to be desired, but the resolution is a satisfying one. If you haven't seen many older Japanese horror films and want a good jumping-off point, I certainly recommend checking out The Vampire Doll.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

The Vampire Doll Movie Trailer

DARK NIGHT OF THE SCARECROW

Dark Night of the Scarecrow Movie Review

After being falsely accused of hurting a little girl, the mentally challenged Bubba Ritter (Larry Drake) is hunted down and killed by a lynch mob. After those four men are found not guilty of their crimes, they begin dying under mysterious circumstances. Has Bubba come back for revenge, or is somebody else seeking revenge on Ritter's behalf? That is the premise of this 1981 film, which is considered by many to be one of the all-time best made-for-television movies. Around the year 2000, an old friend of mine told me about this movie--we were talking about the scariest movies we had ever seen, and he mentioned seeing this when he was a kid, and how it somehow stuck with him. I searched it out around that time, but to no avail. I finally did watch the movie about ten years later, and liked it enough to have seen it twice since (streaming channels make stuff like this much easier to find these days). 

Thanks Tubi!

Keep in mind, this is a made-for-television movie that came out in 1981, so you're not going to get a ton of carnage and gore, but this flick does a fantastic job bringing the scares without gallons of blood. There is a theory in horror that says the scariest death scenes are ones that leave something to the imagination--I don't always buy into the theory, but in Dark Night of the Scarecrow, this is executed wonderfully. The acting is probably a little better than you will expect as well, and Charles Durning (Pappy O'Daniel in O Brother, Where Art Thou?) turns in a grossly underappreciated performance as Otis P. Hazelrigg, the mail carrier who leads the lynch mob. Honestly, when conversation turns to the greatest villains in horror history, Otis should be brought up more often than he is.

"Thanks. You will be spared...for now"

Not all is great with this movie, however. The opening kind of reminds me a bit too much of an iconic scene from Frankenstein, drawing a somewhat uncomfortable comparison to the Monster from that film and Bubba here. The court sequence is a bit rough too--one can't help but wonder if the judge, who saw no evidence of the crimes, went on to be a jury member for the O.J. murder trail. Unfortunately, the ending, especially the low-speed chase (go ahead and make another O.J. reference here if you would like), takes some air out of the balloon as well. Still, Dark Night of the Scarecrow truly earns its status as not just one of the finer made-for-tv movies of all time, but also of a really good horror film.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

A most fantastic lead in to the airing of Dark Night of the Scarecrow

NOBODY SLEEPS IN THE WOODS TONIGHT

Nobody Sleeps in the Woods Tonight Movie Review 

A group of youngsters are sent to a camp in the middle of nowhere to break their addiction to...technology. The large group is split up into smaller groups to go on hikes, and we follow one such group, consisting of a quiet loner girl (Julia Wieniawa-Narkiewicz), a nerdy boy (Michal Lupa), a promiscuous blonde (Wiktoria Gasiewska), a jock (Sebastian Dela), and a gay fella (Stanisław Cywka), all led by their adult counselor (Gabriela Muskała). 

Our heroes

Once in the woods, the group comes across cannibal monsters, and the fight for survival is on! The names of the actors probably gave this away already, but in case you're wondering, this film comes to us from Poland, and was hyped as "the first Polish slasher movie". If you watch this on Netflix, you will notice one thing very early on--the film is dubbed, and done so very poorly. Having seen many movies presented this way, I was okay with this, but my girlfriend was having none of it. If your tolerance for bad dubbing is on the level of Sani's, you will be happy to know there is the option to switch to the original audio and subtitles in your own language. Once this change was made, we continued watching, noticing a good bit bit of comedy early on--while this element never completely went away, it did slowly give way to a more traditional horror approach. If you are a fan of horror (and since you are reading this right now, I assume you are), you will recognize a lot of what is happening in this film, as it has many scenes that are not so subtle nods to movies that came before it--Friday the 13th Part VII, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and Wrong Turn are just a few. As for the monsters, they look like some sort of deformed trolls, but their story is actually quite tragic, and they look really cool.

His appetite is out of this world

Something the movie pulled off well is making the viewer care about some of the characters--my girlfriend was near tears at one point. Gorehounds will delight in this flick as well, as the blood flies throughout, and the death scenes are executed nicely. Be sure to pay attention to the music, as it is one of the best scores I've heard in a while. Throw in some surprises, and there's a lot to like about this outing. Unfortunately, the end leaves a bit to be desired (but also leaves the door open for a sequel), and the lead in to it is rather weak. I know a lot of people are not taking kindly to this movie because of its heavy borrowing of other films--again, I see this as more a tip of the cap to them than thievery. While there is not a ton of originality in Nobody Sleeps in the Woods Tonight, it is a fun horror film, and one of the better ones you'll find on Netflix right now. 

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

Nobody Sleeps in the Woods Tonight Movie Trailer