V/H/S/99

V/H/S/99 Movie Review

The year is 1999, and the fear is Y2K--actually, that's kind of mentioned a bit in passing in this film, but isn't a major concern--I just like how the year is 1999, and the fear is Y2K sounds. A Shudder Original, V/H/S/99 marks the fifth entry in the V/H/S series, and the sixth in the franchise (Siren, a spin-off of the original V/H/S, is in the mix as well). As with the others, the premise is a series of horrors caught on VHS and presented as an anthology. We are missing the usual wraparound story, however--instead, we get a bit of an interlude between them. These feature stop-motion action starring toy soldiers, shot by a character we will see in one of the stories later on. 

The Germans didn't fare well

Our first segment is titled "Shredding". An irritating, self-titled "punk" band (their music doesn't sound punk at all, but don't get me started on that) enjoys skateboarding, making bad music, and pulling pranks--to build a fan base, they record all this and put it on something fairly new called the World Wide Web.

"Pretend we're dead"

Their latest stunt is breaking into an abandoned music venue that once caught fire, killing a somewhat less annoying, somewhat more punk band a few years prior.

They're no L7 either

The results are predictable, but man, you have to love the practical effects used here. The characters in the band are just unlikable enough that you cheer for their demise, though you may feel for the poor drummer. We're not off to a great start, but once the band made it underground, this one got exciting.

Next up is "Suicide Bid". Would you let a group of really annoying women bury you alive overnight so you can join their group? A seemingly smart college student name Lily proves her bulb doesn't glow so bright after all when she agrees to do just that. The group is the most evil of all--a sorority. I could live hundreds of lifetimes and never understand why people subject themselves to the things they do to join college fraternities and sororities, but that's not what we're here to talk about. The reason for the burial also has something to do with a local urban legend, and you know that's going to come into play. While it's hard to feel sorry for Lily (she did voluntarily put herself in this situation), you can certainly understand her fear, and the terror creeps up in this segment, leading to a wonderful ending. 

Looks wonderful to me!

Wanna play a game? If so, our next segment, "Ozzy's Dungeon", might be for you! Ozzy's Dungeon is a children's game show--picture Double Dare in The Upside Down, with the Fly Girls from In Living Color, and hosted by Wayne Newton on cocaine.

"Can this be real?"

The gameshow has an unbeatable obstacle course, and when one contestant gets seriously injured during the course, her family is out for revenge. They capture the host (actually Steven Ogg of The Walking Dead fame) and force him to go through a homemade version of the course. This segment starts off strong, but really drops off once it gets to the revenge part. From there, it kind of drags to the point of becoming boring. Stick with it though--the ending is beyond bizarre, and has a fun little twist. 

It made me grin too

The toy soldiers story takes an unexpected turn, then transitions into the next segment, "The Gawkers". A group of teen boys with a video camera go around the neighborhood recording themselves doing stupid stuff and spying on girls. When a woman moves across the street, they all go full obsessed and, from one of the boy's bedroom, watch her every move. When they convince the little brother to secretly install a camera on her computer, however, the boys have gone too far--and the woman knows it. What they want is to see her naked; what they get is...well, half that, but so much more. I really liked this segment. The boys, for as annoying as they could be, were somewhat likable in their innocent idiocy. They were like a group of guys who have never had a girl even talk to them, and their interactions actually felt very real. The reveal of the woman was awesome, and the resulting onslaught was both classic and original. This was the best of the installments. 

What's Gorgon on here?

A couple buddies are hired to document a ritual performed by a coven of witches. Their purpose? Summon a demon to take over the body of Kirsten, a woman who has volunteered to be there (what's up with these people volunteering for these things?). An uninvited demon arrives, however, and as the witches cast it back to hell, it drags the two videographers with it. The guys must now find a way back home. That's what's happening in "To Hell and Back", the final segment of the movie. This one looks absolutely stunning, and, in many ways, may be exactly what you picture hell to look like. The practical effects are fantastic, and the creatures look frightening. You may recognize a couple people in this story--Joseph Winter and Melanie Stone of Deadstream are both here--in fact, if you look close enough, you may recognize at least one other character from that movie too. As was the case with that film, this one is heavy on comedy--unfortunately, there's more miss than hit this time, and, with such a wonderful set, you wish they would have focused more on the horror. While still a fine segment, ending the movie with this one makes it feel like it went out with a whimper. 

That's no reason to turn your back on it!

As is always the case with anthology movies, some segments are better than others--"The Gawkers" stands above the rest for sure. "Suicide Bid" is also very solid from start to finish. The remaining three are a bit unbalanced--there's a lot to sit through with "Shredding" to get to a decent ending; "Ozzy's Dungeon", the weakest overall, starts off on fire, goes ice cold, then picks back up for the closing minutes; "To Hell and Back" looks phenomenal, but otherwise is nothing great. I believe an anthology film should be like a rock concert--start off hot and finish hot. With that in mind, I would have kicked this movie off with "Suicide Bid" and ended it with "The Gawkers", which they kind of, sort of did, but not really. That aside, V/H/S/99 was a fun movie. More often than not, practical effects were used, and they looked great. The stories were interesting, and there were some genuinely creepy moments. Stay tuned for the credits to enjoy a post-credits scene, and some Danzig awesomeness while the credits roll. When I reviewed V/H/S/94, I said it was the best of the series since the original film--this one is even better, and is just as good as the first movie. 

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

V/H/S/99 Movie Trailer

DEADSTREAM

 

Deadstream Movie Review

Social media influencer (God, I hate that term) Shawn (Joseph Winter), known for livestreaming himself facing his fears via outrageous stunts, loses his many sponsorships and a large portion of his following after a controversial outing. Now, with one sole sponsor, and allowed back on a social media platform with strict guidelines, Shawn attempts to win back his followers and old sponsors by facing his biggest fear yet--ghosts. To do this, he is going to lock himself in Death Manor, known as "the most haunted house in the country", for the night...and, of course, livestream it. As is the case with a lot of similar movies, this one has the action in the middle, with the viewers commenting on the right.

Influencer influenced

Every once in a while, my girlfriend will pick out a newer horror movie for us to watch, and for me to review--my loyal readers know that, more often than not, what she selects is...let's say...not great. As this movie started, and I saw some dude who looked like Sami Zayn's little brother being obnoxious and reminding me why I seldom ever watch any videos online while simultaneously making me wonder why so many others do watch people such as this guy, I started to wonder if I would make it through this entire movie. Shawn positioned the cameras, and I realized I would be looking up this guy's nose for most of the movie--now I knew for sure I'd never make it. But then, something interesting happened. Shawn got into the house. A story began to unfold. A few creepy things started happening. Then a mysterious girl named Chrissy (Melanie Stone) showed up, and the movie took off like a hydraulic launch roller coaster and didn't slow down. (Speaking of launch coaster but kind of off topic, let's take a moment to remember the awesomeness that was Cedar Point's Top Thrill Dragster, which was recently retired...or retired as we know it...or something). Obviously, what we have is a haunted house movie, so we're going to see ghosts, and I cannot stress enough how much I love how they look.

No CGI nonsense here!

The practical approach to the special effects is absolutely wonderful, and is an art that is sadly missing in most modern horror. There are many moments throughout that remind me of The Evil Dead, but in a most respectful, groovy way. The comedy is hit or miss, but when it hits, there are some laugh out loud moments--the running gag about no cursing is particularly funny, as is the naming of the cameras. The jabs at the "internet famous" and their fans also land. For the most part, this is a two person show, and Winter and Stone, both relative unknows, turn in very impressive performances. The house is genuinely creepy, but as the most haunted house in the country, I would have maybe made it even less touched. There's graffiti all over, making it seem as if tons of people have visited. I would have gotten rid of all that, and made it so that this place is so scary, nobody dares step foot inside. That aside, once you get past the first fifteen or so minutes, there's really not a lot to complain about. The first main twist is one you'll see coming, but the false finishes are clever, and will have you glued until the end. Over the years, I've wrapped up a few reviews by saying something along the lines of "I wanted to like this movie, but..." With Deadstream, it's quite the opposite--I generally dislike having social media/cell phone text interactions in movies, I have no interest whatsoever in "influencers", and, for the most part, I'm not a fan of most recent horror comedies, so upon starting this movie, and seeing a terribly annoying influencer, with text on the screen, I really wanted to dislike this movie, but I couldn't. Deadstream is funny, it's scary, it's smart, it's made very well, is one I recommend, and is a flick I believe will only get better with each additional viewing.  

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

Deadstream Movie Trailer

BAD CANDY

Bad Candy Movie Review

A couple disc jockeys on radio station 66.6 tell spooky tales on Halloween, resulting in an anthology movie filled with stories that all intertwine at least somewhat--picture Trick 'r Treat, only not nearly as good. Before we move on, I know you may be wondering about that radio station--it's a horror movie, so it's all silly fun, but, of course, 66.6 cannot be an actual station--judging by scene featuring the drug dealer listening to it in an old Bonneville, we know it's a regular radio station, and it appears to actually be in the 105 territory. That said, the FCC would have a field day with this show. You probably know the DJs--one is Zach Galligan (Billy from Gremlins) and the other is Corey Taylor from the band Slipknot--picture Mr. Bungle, only knot nearly as good. 

Thank me later 

Back to the movie--there are more stories in this feature than I care to dive too deeply into (this is supposed to be QUICK horror movie reviews, after all), but I'll briefly touch on each. The whole thing starts off surprisingly well, with some really nice Halloween settings to get us in the mood, and a clown turning a brat of a kid into a toy. The clown will pop up throughout, ala Sam from the aforementioned Trick 'r Treat. 

Hi Jack

We then have a girl with the ability to bring her drawings to life--this may come in handy as she battles her drunken redneck stepdad who, if nothing else, has good taste in retro furniture. 

Look out, Ben

It's in this story we begin to see how bad the CGI is, and man, is it ever terrible. There's not much, if any, improvement throughout the rest of the movie, which is all the more disappointing in that the practical effects, when used, are actually okay. More disappointing is the movie as a whole kind of falls off the cliff after the first twenty minutes. There's an old feller putting razor blades in candy--he ends up with the razor blades in his own throat, kind of like in Night of the Demons (anybody else noticing a pattern here?). 

The shirt I'm wearing right now looks just like this one...seriously

From there, we see a drug dealer at a Halloween party--the dude reminds me of a million guys I knew back in my Ohio days--I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing, but that doesn't matter--he ends up in the Bonneville and eventually in a bathroom, where he is stalked and finally meets his demise in a scene similar to one from Scream 2. 

Never press your ear against the stall!

A woman leaves the party to go to work in the morgue and starts to seduce a dead guy. When he appears to come back to life, she flips out, looks like she's on an acid trip, and sees cadavers turn into zombies. Some guy attacks some woman at her house and chases her to a playground, where there's a battle to the death. A rideshare driver and his buddies kidnap some people with questionable morals, tie them up, put large pumpkins on their heads, and set them loose to be stalked by their friend. 

LENNY!

The woman in the morgue installment is dull and ramped up only slightly when the corpse appears to come to life. The cat and mouse between the man and woman offers nothing of any real interest. The story with pumpkinheaded people is painfully bad, especially in its brutally horrible attempts at humor; Lenny, however, looks so fantastic it almost makes up for the time it takes to get to him. The movie ends with a story of a house burning down, and ties directly to the gents at the radio station. The final little twist is surprisingly satisfying, if not a bit predictable. 

Here's a hint

Bad Candy is one of those movies that has loads of potential, but comes up short in practically every way it can. To even the casual viewer, the most obvious shortcoming will be in the special effects category. The CGI looks like some of the worst stuff to come from SyFy Originals--maybe even worse. I get that there are people who are into this, and, if given the right type of movie, I am too--this isn't that type of movie. They also tried to do way too much. Perhaps had they picked three of the more interesting stories and expanded on them instead of stretching about a half dozen uninspired yarns out to around 103 minutes, a better movie would have resulted. This brings us to the third major issue--lack of originality. I pointed out a few examples, but believe me when I tell you, there are many more instances of thievery going on here. The acting leaves a lot to be desired as well, though Taylor's performance as Chilly Billy was better than I expected. Bad Candy does have a couple bright spots, but it's safe to say it will never become a Halloween tradition in my household.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 4

Bad Candy Movie Trailer

THE RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD

 

The Return of the Living Dead Movie Review

Frank (James Karen, Poltergeist) and Freddy (Thom Mathews, Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives), two guys working in a warehouse that stores medical supplies, accidentally release a toxic gas. This makes it to a nearby cemetery, causing the dead to rise. First off, you have to love the premise--1980's horror movies sure did put the scare of toxic waste and gases in the minds of viewers! This one, from 1985, brings the idea to the screen with a wonderful blend of horror and comedy. In a stroke of really bad luck, a group of punks happen to be hanging out in the cemetery when the dead rise, and you'll likely recognize at least a few of them. John Philbin of Children of the Corn is there. Mark Venturini and Miguel A. Nunez Jr from Friday the 13th Part 5: A New Beginning are members of the gang. Finally, horror legend Linnea Quigley appears for arguably her most recognizable role. 

Suicide's Squad

The familiar faces don't end there, as Clu Gulager (A Nightmare on Elm Street 2) shows up as would-be hero Burt, and Don Calfa, who turned in a hysterical performance as Paulie in Weekend at Bernie's a couple years later, plays Ernie, a possible Nazi running the nearby mortuary. I mention all these people not only to do some name dropping, but also because they are all wonderful in this film. Their performances, whether intentional or not, are hilarious--Karen especially steals the shows with his manic performance, and for as unimpressive as Mathews was in Jason Lives, he more than makes up for that as Freddy. Equally as impressive is the work with the zombies, particularly that of everybody's favorite, Tarman.

And all my friends are skeletons

The horror/comedy hybrid idea wasn't entirely new when this movie was released, and, of course, that genre has only grown since, but unlike most of the films that have come out since, The Return of the Living Dead is actually funny. The movie knocks it out of the park when it comes to both the laughs and scares, and rightfully deserves its place as one of the elite comedy horrors of all time. This movie did, however, bring a few big, new elements to the zombie genre--it is credited as being the first zombie flick to have fast-moving zombie, talking zombies, and it introduced the idea of the zombies seeking out brains specifically--and, as I did several times in that sentence, it breaks the mold by actually using the word "zombie". I'm not a huge fan of the ending, but there's not much else to complain about with The Return of the Living Dead. In the off chance you have never seen this movie, do yourself a favor and check it out. 

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 8

The Return of the Living Dead Movie Trailer

WILLY'S WONDERLAND

Willy's Wonderland Movie Review

A stranger (Nicolas Cage) passing through a small town runs over spike strips, blowing out all the tires on his car. The town mechanic only accepts cash, which the stranger does not have, and the ATM isn't working; thankfully, there is a way for the man to pay the mechanic--by spending the night cleaning up an abandoned family entertainment center filled with animatronic characters (think Chuck E. Cheese, but with less gun violence). This 2021 flick blends a nice balance of horror, comedy, and action, even with a slightly scaled down performance from Cage--in fact, Cage's performance is one with no spoken lines, which inherently brings the Cage crazy down a bit, though we do catch glimpses of the Nic we all love, particularly when he's playing pinball. 

Nicolas Cage

Being

Nicolas Cage

Naturally, Willy's has a checkered past, and we learn its history as the movie unfolds. The story tiptoes along grounds we have visited before, but that really doesn't make the movie any less interesting...or fun. Chipping in to help Cage in his battle with the come-to-life animatronics is a group of teens--one of them has a direct link to Willy's Wonderland, none of the rest have any real backstory or character development at all, and none of the people playing these characters have much acting ability. The movie keeps a steady pace, and surprisingly never veers too far into the comedy path. Some questions are left unanswered--why does Cage (his character has no actual name, by the way--he's credited as The Janitor, but he's never named in the film, hence me referring to the actor instead of the character's name) have to down the can of energy drink every time his alarm goes off? This includes when he is about to do battle. Why is playing the pinball game equally as important? Why does he wait until each animatronic comes to life and fights them one on one? He has plenty of opportunity to destroy them while they are still stationary, but he doesn't. Ultimately, none of this matters too much--after all, we're not expecting a Hitchcock masterpiece going into a movie titled Willy's Wonderland and starring Nicolas Cage. The movie does deliver where expected, however, and is quite a fun ride along the way, complete with a fantastic soundtrack--just try getting these songs out of your head. 

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

Willy's Wonderland Movie Trailer

AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON

An American Werewolf in London Movie Review

American students Jack Goodman (Griffin Dunne) and David Kessler (David Naughton from the "Be A Pepper" Dr. Pepper commercials) backpack...wait. You don't know those commercials? A youngster you must be. For those of us old enough to recall those ads, simply hearing the phrase "be a pepper" triggers the song from the deepest, darkest depths of our memory bank. For those of you not old enough to know what I'm talking about...well...here you go...

You're welcome

Back to it--the Americans are backpacking around the UK when they are attacked by a werewolf. Jack gets killed, while David begins to feel a bit...transformed. If you're reading this, there is a very good chance you have seen this movie, or at the very least, you have heard of it. A long-time personal favorite, I'm surprised that after twelve years of writing these reviews, I've never dedicated the time to taking a look at this one (though I did mention an attraction based on the film in reviewing something else). Brought to us by famed and (primarily) comedy film director John Landis, this 1981 flick indeed mixes laughs with scares, and does a wonderful job finding a balance between the two elements, something incredibly hard to pull off. The scene in the London Underground, when the werewolf emerges from the top of the frame as we see the victim trying to escape up the escalator, is one of the more terrifying things you will see in any movie, and is one of my all-time favorite shots. 

"Maybe I got a Milk-Bone"

The most recognizable scene in the movie is likely the transformation one--40 years after this movie was made, this still holds up, and is universally recognized as an iconic moment in horror history. The makeup and special effects are fantastic all throughout the movie, and is just one of many reasons Rick Baker is considered one of the greats in the makeup effects world. The story itself is fair enough--there is nothing groundbreaking on this end, but there's enough to keep you interested, especially when the lads are at The Slaughtered Lamb, hanging around the weirdo locals. That said, there is nothing offensively bad about the movie...unless you're Dr. Pepper, that is. Naughton lost his gig as their spokesman for doing nude scenes in this film. There is plenty of carnage along the way, all leading to an ending that is somewhat anticlimactic, but gloriously abrupt. Again, I assume if you're reading this, you've seen An American Werewolf in London...if by chance you haven't, do yourself a favor and buy it. 

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 8

An American Werewolf in London Movie Trailer

FADE TO BLACK

Fade To Black Movie Review

There's this creepy weirdo dude who is absolutely obsessed with movies, and he has little touch with reality.

Not THIS weirdo!

This particular guy is named Eric (Dennis Christopher), and he is infatuated with a woman who looks like Marilyn Monroe (Linda Kerridge). Eric, already rather unhinged, goes completely mad, and imitates characters from classic movies while going on a killing spree. This genre-bending flick from 1980 sounds bizarre, and is likely even more so than you are thinking, as practically every approach and angle in this movie is non-traditional. There is a fair balance of hit and miss with this, with the highlight being the clips of older movies thrown in to match Eric's personality. I don't want to give away any of the films we see, but even a brief glimpse at the movie poster will give a lot away. 

But here's Marilyn, in case you're wondering

While the idea of the movie is unique, it's the acting that sinks this one. Christopher reminded me of a young Roddy McDowall at times, which brought a smile to my face, but he wasn't a great choice for this role--one can only imagine how much better this movie would have been with a more talented lead. None of the rest of the acting is any better, but there is one actor of note in this one, as a young Mickey Rourke pops up to play a tough guy/bully.

I'm as surprised as you are

Most unfortunate is the ending, which seemingly drags on forever, leading to a disappointing finale. Fade To Black is a really hard one to grade--it has the likability of a movie that's so bad it's good, but also has elements that are so bad they're unbearable, and ones so good they'll surprise you...any way you to slice it, if nothing else, this is a movie worth checking out.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 6

Fade To Black Movie Trailer

SILENT NIGHT (2012)

Silent Night Movie Review

A man dressed as Santa Claus is on a killing spree in a small town, and it's up to Sheriff Cooper (the legendary Malcolm McDowell) and Officer Aubrey Bradimore (Jaime King of the 2009 version of My Bloody Valentine) to stop him. This movie is labeled a "loose remake" of the 1984 film Silent Night, Bloody Night--I would put more emphasis on the word "loose" and less on "remake". Sure, there's a murderous Santa, and a couple clever nods to the '84 flick, and even its sequels, but to use the word "remake" here is very much a stretch. One similarity is Santa's tendency to carry an axe, but this Santa also has another favorite weapon.

Yeah, it's a flamethrower

The amount of comedy here is much more than in the original film, and while most of it falls flat, McDowell is hilarious. King is surprisingly likable in the lead role, and Donal Logue also stops by to play a grumpy Santa. Side note--Logue is a talented actor who has been in a million things, but no matter how hard I try to stop myself from doing it, I can only ever see him as one character...

Jimmy!

If you're looking for gore, this is certainly a movie you should check out. Many of the death scenes are nothing short of brutal, while others are oddly approached with a more comedic tone. This brings us to my main issue with this movie--if played as a straight up horror film, it would have been far more interesting. With all the comedy, most of which is painfully bad, the film is just forgettable. The end is somewhat redeeming, if not predictable. As another side note, part of this movie was inspired by a real-life mass murder known as the Covina massacre. In 2008, some moron dressed as Santa Claus killed 9 people at a Christmas party before killing himself...one could argue he was inspired by similar movies, but we'll save the trip down that rabbit hole for another day. Silent Night really isn't a bad movie...it's just not a particularly good one. Keep your expectations low, and watch it for McDowell's performance...it may be all you remember about it a month after watching.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 5

Silent Night Movie Trailer

SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT PART 2

Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 Movie Review

In Silent Night, Deadly Night (my review of which can be found here), Billy sees his parents murdered by a guy dressed in a Santa Claus outfit. Billy grows up, goes nuts, and starts killing people, while himself dressed as the jolly one. In this 1987 sequel, we catch up with Billy's little brother Ricky (Eric Freeman), who is in a mental hospital after also becoming a killer. He tells his doctor, Henry Bloom (James L. Newman), the story of himself and Billy, and this is done through flashbacks from the first film. When I say "flashbacks", don't think a quick minute or two look--almost half of this film is flashback scenes from the first movie...no, I'm not exaggerating. 

Which means Linnea returns

If you are a fan of Silent Night, Deadly Night, you will obviously love this approach--this movie takes every single one of the best clips from the original film, cuts out the filler, and pretty much shows what it would look like if it were an extended Tales from the Crypt episode. Considering how awful the movie is when presenting new shots, you will appreciate the sheer amount of time spent on the first film even more. Freeman's performance as Ricky is...something. I don't know how exactly to describe it other than to say it's so bad you really can't look away, but in a most amusing way. Be sure not to bob your head up and down with the movements of Freeman's eyebrows, as long-term neck trauma may result. There is some gore and interesting death scenes once Ricky is on the loose--the umbrella scene is particularly memorable. The humor in this one is odd--when the movie tries to be funny it falls flat, but there are plenty of unintentional laughs in it. If you're in the mood for a good, scary Christmas horror flick, look elsewhere. If you are trying to find a disjointed, hokey mess, give Silent Night, Deadly Night 2 a shot. 

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 5

Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 Movie Trailer

HAPPY DEATH DAY 2U

Happy Death Day 2U Movie Review

College student Ryan Phan (Phi Vu) finds himself repeating the same day, eventually running into a different version of himself. Ryan and some classmates working on a secret project try to fix this issue, resulting in Tree (Jessica Rothe), another student, reliving the same day she did in the original film. The difference for Tree this time is that she has crossed into a parallel dimension, so her life is not quite what she is accustomed to. Now the gang has to figure out how to stop the loop, while Tree decides which dimension she wants to stay in.

They're on a mission!

I'm going to really dive into the plot of this movie, so be warned: Much of the rest of this review will be filled with spoilers. Tree's main dilemma is this: Does she remain in this alternate universe, where her mother is alive, but they do not share the same memories together, and Carter (Israel Broussard), her boyfriend in the world she is used to, is dating her roommate instead of her? The other option is to go back to her original world, where she's dating Carter, but her mother is dead. We know what she is ultimately going to choose, so there is no real suspense here--that's not my issue...this is: Tree and Carter are very clearly falling for each other in the alternate reality, so that SHOULD have made the choice an easy one. They even kiss before she inevitably goes back to the world she knows, negating truly the only reason she was going back to her actual reality, where, by the way, Tree was still less than a friendly person, and her former friend/roommate was still dead/tried to kill her. Staying where she was would have resulted in her still having her mother, still being with Carter, still having her friend, and still being in a world where the nerds who created the quantum reactor that caused all the problems know what they are doing. This isn't even to mention the fact that the creepy doctor, his wife, AND the psycho killer guy are dead in this dimension. All this nonsense truly made this movie almost unbearable for me. 

"But it makes sense to ME!!!!

Happy Death Day 2U is far more science fiction and less horror than the first film--not to say that movie was crammed with horror, but that element is even less abundant here. Similar to the original flick, this movie is filled with comedy, and this is once again very hit or miss. The acting and writing are what you expect from a PG-13 rated Blumhouse outing. There's really not a lot more to say about this movie--it entertains enough to keep you watching, and moves at a fast pace, but there's not a ton of substance, and at the end of the day, it's just an average movie.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 5

Happy Death Day 2U Movie Trailer

BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER

Buffy the Vampire Slayer Movie Review

Popular teenage cheerleader Buffy (Kristy Swanson, Deadly Friend) finds out her destiny is not, in fact, to shop until she drops and marry Christian Slater...it's to kill vampires.

"Eww! Gross!"

Yes, I know this movie is a comedy first and foremost, and has little, if any, actual horror in it, but it's not the first such movie I have reviewed here, and it has lots of vampires that don't sparkle, so I don't want to hear it. 

Glitter-free since 1992

Honestly, there is a lot to like about this movie, and it starts with the cast. Swanson is gold as the titular character; Donald Sutherland shines as Buffy's trainer, Merrick; Rutger Hauer (Blade Runner, The Hitcher) brings his usual bit of awesomeness as lead bad guy Lothos; and Paul Reubens (Pee-wee Herman) steals the show vampire Amilyn. The familiar faces don't end there--Luke Perry (Once Upon a Time...In Hollywood), David Arquette (Scream), Hilary Swank (The Reaping), Sasha Jenson (Dazed and Confused), Natasha Gregson Wagner (Urban Legend, High Fidelity), Stephen Root (O Brother, Where Art Thou?, practically every other movie and television show made in the past 30 years), and Thomas Jane (Deep Blue Sea) are all in this movie. Still not enough? Okay--Slash (the guitarist), Ricki Lake (Cry-Baby) Seth Green (Without a Paddle), and Ben Affleck (also Dazed and Confused) all pop in for uncredited roles. 

"We, like, TOTALLY get it"

Most of the comedy in this movie is spot-on--there's not a ton of laughing hysterically moments, but plenty that will make you chuckle a bit. Hauer and Sutherland's characters look and act like they could have been transported directly from a Hammer film, so it certainly has a throwback feel that goes even further back than 1992. The movie is filled with tons of memorable scenes, none more so than the final time we see Amilyn. 

"Ooooh! Ahhhhh!"

The story goes that writer Joss Whedon wanted the film to be darker than it turned out, and was so unhappy with the production he left it--this inspired him to create the Buffy the Vampire Slayer television show a few years later. I'm not sure what he was going for there, but I wouldn't go so far as to call that show dark in any way--or as good as this movie in any way. The movie is a ton of fun to watch, and other than having an ending that feels rushed, I have no real complaints about it--it did everything it could while staying within the restraints of a PG-13 horror comedy. Oh yeah, stick around for the credits too, as we get some in-credits bonus scenes. 

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

Buffy the Vampire Slayer Movie Trailer

TALES OF HALLOWEEN

Tales of Halloween Movie Review

 It's Halloween Night in the 'burbs, and there's madness around every corner. Adrienne Barbeau seemingly reprises her DJ role from The Fog, and she's with us for this ride, introducing many of the stories we are about to see. Ten segments make up this 2015 horror anthology, so let's get right into it. 

Sweet Tooth

Our first story shows a couple teens picking on a kid, letting him know that if he doesn't leave some of his candy for local legend Sweet Tooth, the creature will seek revenge. 

"Make it a full-sized Snickers"

We get a ton of gore to start us off, and a fairly interesting story to boot. The acting is shaky (that's being nice), and the flashback scene is more irritating than anything. Still, this was a solid start to the film, and it left me wondering how Sweet Tooth would do as a standalone feature film. 

The Night Billy Raised Hell

Mr. Abbadon (Barry Bostwick from The Rocky Horror Picture Show) catches young Billy in the act of egging his house. He brings Billy into the house, and takes another youngster in the same outfit for a night of terror around the neighborhood. 

Looking for their next victims

This one is heavy on the comedy, but unfortunately, isn't really funny. It's not particularly scary either, but sort of redeems itself with a little twist ending. The one thing that stands out about this entry is the lighting--it's fantastic.

Trick

Four adults are terrorized when a group of kids invade their home. This outing starts off slowly, as we are briefly introduced to the adults--this is just long enough to find them uninteresting, and slightly annoying, but that is strangely the point (it makes sense, trust me). Why are the kids doing this?

The why is just out of the shot here

If The Night Billy Raised Hell took the foot off the gas for this movie, Trick pressed it back down. The segment is vicious, gory, and has a fantastic twist at the end. 

The Weak and the Wicked

A boy dressed in a home-made superhero outfit and sporting a stopwatch stops three bullies from torturing a young boy, telling them he is there to "spill the blood of the wicked". When confronted by the bullies, our hero gets scared and runs away. Is he running out of fear, or for another reason?

Tick tock

Once the bullies catch up with the fleeing fella, we get a flashback scene, and learn who these four people are--to say they have a history, and that the Viking-helmeted hero has a very good reason for seeking revenge, is an understatement. The ending of this story is bloody and terrific. This was probably my favorite segment in this movie. 

Grim Grinning Ghost

An older lady (Lin Shaye of the Insidious franchise) tells the story of Mary Bailey, a girl who was made fun of her entire life for having a deformed face. The story goes she comes back from the dead to laugh at the living behind their backs. The lady's daughter gets creeped out, and when she has to walk home after her car breaks down, she thinks she is hearing laughter, sending her into a near-panic. 

As if this walk wasn't scary enough

This segment will leave you feeling a little on edge, as the tension is built quickly. The payoff is one you will see coming, and will miss if you blink it, but is one that is satisfying. The real question is how long will it be before Disney finds out about the title of the segment and puts together a lawsuit?

Ding Dong

A woman is distraught about not having children, making Halloween a night of misery for her. She turns into a demonic looking witch, and unleashes the fury on her poor husband, clawing his face. A year later, on Halloween Night, they are dressed as Hansel and the witch from Hansel and Gretel, and excited to be handing out candy. Side note: as I watched this, I was trying to figure out who the actress is. It turns out she's Pollyanna McIntosh, known as Jadis to fans of The Walking Dead.

What did you do with Rick?!!

The approach of this segment is almost exclusively that of comedy, so don't look for any scares here. This story is not really funny, but certainly very quirky, and entertaining enough that you will keep watching. 

This Means War

A traditional Halloween fan is dismayed when new, loud neighbors (including James Duval) decorate their yard with gory effects and loud, heavy metal music. The man gets furious over the loud music, and the battle is on!

John the Mod goes metal!

I don't know why the guy was so upset--while certainly no fan of most metal, I would happily take that over the "music" my neighbors feel the need to share with the rest of the neighborhood. This is another segment that forgoes any bit of horror for a straight comedic approach, but there's really not much to it. The eventual fight is uninspired, and the finale is not unexpected. There is a dude in the crowd who looks like The Blue Meanie though, so there's that.

Friday the 31st

This one starts off with a woman running from a deformed guy (or a regular looking guy in a cheap mask...whichever) carrying a severed head. She ends up in his shed, where she finds he has a collection of heads. She escapes, only to be killed when he tosses a spear about thirty yards and directly through her. This obvious nod to slasher films then takes an unexpected turn when a U.F.O. flies over, and out of it appears a small alien looking to do some trick or treating.

Seriously

What starts off as a horror approach takes a quick turn to comedy when the little green guy shows up, and stays there until the end. It actually produced a moment, soon after the alien crawled into the woman's mouth, that made me laugh loudly, but it went south quickly from there. The segment ends with a showdown that reminded me of Freddy vs Jason, or a Monty Python bit. This segment started strong, but unfortunately, fell apart. 

The Ransom of Rusty Rex

Two crooks decide to kidnap the child of a millionaire. Once they have him and remove his Halloween mask, however, they realize they have picked up more than they bargained for. For some reason, when I saw the reveal, the first thing I thought of was the cover boy of 1980's tabloid magazines, but he was actually played by the late Ben Woolf from American Horror Story.

Rusty...not Bat Boy

Speaking of the 1980's, director John Landis has a cameo in this one, playing the aforementioned millionaire. This one is also much more comedy than horror, but lacks any laughs and is just kind of there.  

Bad Seed

A jack-o-lantern comes to life and bites its maker's head off. Now the police are searching the town for it.

I think she found it

Another legendary director, Joe Dante, pops up in this one. More than anything, this segment ties the rest together. The killer in this one, of course, looks ridiculous, but the pumpkin display it hides in looks cool, and the final shot is impressive. Unfortunately, this wasn't a great story to end the movie with. 

Honestly, Tales of Halloween was a fun watch. While not on the scale of the great horror anthologies such as Trick 'r Treat or Creepshow, it is certainly better than most similar movies, especially the ones that have come out the past 30 years. It would have benefitted from more horror and less comedy--that said, nothing here is so bad it's unwatchable, and the better segments are quite enjoyable. One thing I really loved about this movie is it truly captures a Halloween feel. We have seen countless movies that are set during Halloween but don't deliver that feeling of it--this movie nails it in this department. Also be on the lookout for references to other horror films, as this is full of them. It may never become a go-to every Halloween for me, but I can say my first viewing of Tales of Halloween won't be my last.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

Tales of Halloween Movie Trailer