THE RUINS

The Ruins Movie Review

I pulled this one off the shelf this evening and was surprised to find that for as many times as I've referenced this movie over the years, I've never actually reviewed it--so with nothing better to do on a Friday night, here goes...

A group of youngsters visit the Mayan ruins, and when one stumbles onto the vines hanging from it, the locals lose their minds, force the group up to the top of the structure, and will not let them down. Why? Well the ruins are cursed, of course, and these Americans (and a German) are the latest sacrifices. This is among a string of films featuring Americans being tortured in foreign lands that seemingly all came out at the same time, and this one holds its own in terms of the gore factor.

Who SAW this coming?

What sets this film apart from the many similar films is the level of acting. Jena Malone (Donnie Darko), Jonathan Tucker (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre), Shawn Ashmore (Frozen), Laura Ramsey (The Covenant), and Joe Anderson (The Crazies) all do a fine job here. The movie succeeds in creating a creepy setting, and you will likely find yourself wondering what you would do in this situation--or even having a complete conversation about it with your girlfriend. The movie isn't for one with a weak stomach, as the picture above is just a sample of how graphic this film is, and the scenes of the vines under Stacy's skin are beyond unsettling.

Cut it out already!

Naturally, a movie about cursed/killer vines is going to get a little hokey at times, but it never gets so ridiculous it loses the audience, and, this being a horror film and all, the characters will make decisions that will leave you shaking your head. Still, The Ruins has a wonderful blend of scares, gore, and surprises that leave it head and shoulders above most similar films.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

The Ruins Red Band Movie Trailer

RODAN

Rodan Movie Review

In a small Japanese town, miners begin disappearing and/or turning up dead. It is soon discovered that giant insect creatures are responsible. Some time later in the movie, all of Japan is terrorized by a giant flying monster named Rodan (pronounced Row Don, if you care). Somehow these things are tied together...or maybe not...it really doesn't matter. All that really matters is that Rodan eventually shows up, and chaos ensues. The flying monster wreaks havoc on anything in his path, and not even a brigade of tanks can stop him.

Is there a problem here?

We see Rodan fly with such force that the wind created by his mighty wings destroys everything in his path. Later in the film we discover there is not just one Rodan--there are two, and they are a couple. As is the case with many of the Toho monster movies, what's going on in between the action scenes gets a bit tedious, but between the bug monsters and dual Rodans, there is plenty of monster awesomeness happening here, and Rodan is one of the coolest looking monsters ever created. The ending would have you believe we have seen the last of the flying fiend, but we all know better. I am a big fan of these old Toho films, and Rodan is a blast to watch.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

Rodan Movie Trailer (This is fantastic)

31

31 Movie Review

A group of carnival workers are kidnapped and put in a game where the only way to win is to stay alive for twelve hours. The group moves from room to room in a maze, facing killers and lunatics of varying degrees, all dressed as clowns. This Rob Zombie-directed film stars lots of people he has worked with in the past, including his wife Sheri Moon Zombie, Jeff Daniel Phillips, Meg Foster, Richard Brake, and Malcolm McDowell, among others, while also featuring the glorious return to the big screen of the legendary Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs, the man who played my personal favorite Sweathog, Freddie "Boom Boom" Washington, on Welcome Back, Kotter.

Boom Boom Mon

This movie is filled with violence, gore, profanity, nudity, trashy characters, vulgar dialogue--everything you come to expect from a Rob Zombie film, and therein lies the problem--after over a half dozen films, Zombie is still not bringing anything new to the table. This movie plays out exactly as you expect it to, all the way to who makes it out of the house and what happens after that. Set in 1976, it's obvious this movie is a nod to the grindhouse exploitation films of that era, and in terms of that, Zombie does a good job with this film, but that novelty soon gives way to uninteresting characters, a story that is a hybrid of many much better films that came before it, and cliche after cliche. 31 is filled with potential, but turns out to be just another run of the mill horror flick.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 5

31 Movie Trailer

A LURE: TEEN FIGHT CLUB

A Lure: Teen Fight Club Movie Review

After a group of teenagers go missing, an undercover cop (Jessica Sonneborn, also the co-writer and one of the producers of the film) is sent to a high school 21 Jump Street style to protect the girls. Soon after she arrives, a rave is planned, but a shady janitor switches the invitations to lead the girls to another location, where another kind of secret party awaits them. This 2010 film has an interesting premise, but it seriously lacking in every way. The acting is some of the worst you can imagine. The writing is atrocious. The characters are one-dimensional, and not a single one is even remotely likable--you wait the entire film for them to start getting killed off, but alas, this best we get is this...  

Teens? Not quite

Yeah, the girls all appear to be at least in their mid-twenties, if not pushing thirty. The continuity errors are hilarious. The dialogue is so bad you may have to dumb yourself down considerably to withstand it--honestly, of all the things that are terrible in this movie, the dialogue may be the worst thing about it. The directing and camera work may make you feel nauseous at times. IMDb states this movie had a three million dollar budget--where that money went is anybody's guess--this movie looks like it was made for under a hundred thousand. There is one unintentional laugh out loud moment that ALMOST makes this movie worth watching--toward the end of the film, the cop who comes t save the day stands probably sixty feet and at a down angle from a guy with a knife to a girl's throat. Without hesitation, and with dead eye accuracy, the cop shoots the man in the head. Mere moments later, the same cop comes upon another guy (the "surprise" bad guy that will surprise nobody paying even a minimal amount of attention to this movie) with a knife to another girl's throat--this time the cop is maybe ten feet away, standing level with the guy, but instead of shooting with the confidence he just had to kill the other guy, he takes the bad guy's order to drop the gun...and then kicks the gun to him! Incredible. If you're hoping for an ending that will make the last 92 minutes of your life worth living, forget about it--the ending is just as awful as the rest of the film. This is the first movie I have watched from a 15 movie box set collection from Echo Bridge my girlfriend got me for Christmas last year.  

This collection, to be exact

This movie is so bad that the other 14 movies in this collection MUST be better...right?    

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 2

A Lure: Teen Fight Club Movie Trailer

A LONELY PLACE TO DIE

A Lonely Place To Die Movie Review

A group of hikers in the Scottish Highlands come across a little girl buried in a box. After rescuing the girl, they are hunted by two men with a particular interest in the girl. This 2011 thriller isn't what I would necessarily describe as a horror film, but it certainly does not lack in the blood and carnage.

That was some bullet!

The acting, lead by horror vet Melissa George (30 Days Of Night, Triangle), is pretty good throughout the film. The scenery is beautiful at times, and, if heights scare you, some of the shots down the mountain faces may leave you feeling a bit uneasy. Not all is great here, however. The characters make decisions that make you want to choke them (especially near the end), and the excessive use of slow motion is very off-putting. Thankfully, the many twists and turns throughout are more than enough to allow you to overlook the films shortcomings. A Lonely Place To Die is a movie that kind of flies under the radar, but is certainly a movie worth watching.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

A Lonely Place To Die Movie Trailer