Because nobody likes spending an hour reading a movie review, I bring you Quick Horror Movie Reviews, a site offering to the point reviews of horror films from a guy who has seen thousands of them. From the classics to the hidden gems, the slashers to the creatures, the multi-million dollar blockbusters to the direct to video awfulness, it's all here! Read, enjoy, and for the best experience, go old school and view the desktop version!
A Norwegian helicopter lands at an American research base in Antarctica--the pilot accidentally blows himself up, and his passenger is determined to kill a dog they have been chasing. Unfortunately, the gunman speaks no English and is killed by one of the Americans before having the opportunity to explain why he is trying to kill the dog. The Americans soon discover the dog isn't quite what it appears to be. I revisited this classic for the first time in years after watching the 2011 prequel and it is actually pretty cool watching them in this order--the bonus scene during the credits of the 2011 film leads nicely into the opening scene of the 1982 film. John Carpenter directed this film and, much like the prequel, this one under-performed at the box office, but that is by no means a measuring stick to the awesomeness of the movie. What this film is known for first and foremost, and rightfully so, is the special effects.
Like This
And This
The effects seen in this film are light years ahead of their time, and would be an inspiration for many movies to follow in the 80s. To me, stuff like this is far scarier than the CGI infested movies we are subjected to in most films of the past twenty-plus years, and it really doesn't get any better than what we see here. With the exception of Kurt Russell, the acting leaves a bit to be desired, but it is by no means bad enough to distract away from the focus of the film. At 109 minutes the film does run a bit longer than it needed to. Still, the story is a good one (based on the 1938 Who Goes There by John W. Campbell Jr.), the action is edge of your seat stuff, there's plenty of suspense, the scares are often, and the ending is one that has been the subject of debate since the film was released. The Thing is often touted as one of the all time horror greats, a title the movie certainly deserves.
After killing a man named Paul, a mysterious spirit, visible only when the lights are turned off, haunts Paul's mentally unstable wife and her kids. This much-heralded horror film truly starts off with a bang--the opening sequence is memorable, effective in setting up the rest of the film, and genuinely creepy. Unfortunately, the film doesn't deliver on the promise of the first ten minutes--but let's not get ahead of ourselves here.
A team of Norweigian researchers discover an alien spacecraft buried deep in the ice of Antarctica. After bringing in a team of specialists, including American paleontologist Kate Lloyd (horror vet Mary Elizabeth Winstead, 10 Cloverfield Lane, Final Destination 3), they discover the creature inside is still alive--and very deadly. This prequel to John Carpenter's 1982 film of the same name was released in 2011 and was a major disappointment in the box office--I saw it on a three story screen when it was released, and after picking it up on DVD for a couple dollars a few days ago, I watched it for the first time since--I liked the movie when I saw it in the theater, and I liked it just as much the second time around. While not a terribly scary film, it is filled with unsettling visuals.
She looks unsettled
Winstead makes a likable and believable hero, and Ulrich Thomsen turns in a very good supporting performance. This movie is somewhat rare in that it has "big budget popcorn flick" written all over it, yet maintains enough blood and carnage to keep the gorehound satisfied. Many of the death scenes are violent and quite unexpected, which only adds to this appeal. As someone who hates being cold, I would have liked to have seen them play more on how deadly simply being outside in that environment could be--this seemed like an obvious addition, yet it is not explored nearly enough--fortunately, there is more than enough going on in the film to make up for that. The filmmakers did an outstanding job in making this a fitting prequel to the 1982 film--fans of that movie will delight in seeing the groundwork laid out for many scenes we see in the John Carpenter classic. No, The Thing is not a great horror movie, but it is one I enjoy watching and recommend.
The Purge: Election Year (The Purge 3) Movie Review
Another year, another Purge night, another politically overbearing Purge film. Just as in the first two movies of this franchise, those dastardly, rich, white Republicans are out to kill all minorities and liberals. There's lots of violence. Lots of blood. Lots of people in masks acting "crazy". Lots of scenes thrown in to make the audience go "Ooooh!". There's Bubba from Forrest Gump.
"Hey Marcos. Have you ever been on a real shrimp boat?"
What separates this from the other two films is how completely ridiculous it is. Our lead mercenary, a guy who looks like a demented Anthony Michael Hall, has a Rebel flag patch on his jacket--another has a "white power" patch. Yeah, the political message here is even less subtle than in the second movie. If you are a fan of slow motion action, you will love this one--I personally hate it, and it gave the movie a very cheesy 80s action movie vibe. The actions of our heroes are absolutely inexplicably stupid at times. The ending is predictable, as boring as one could imagine, and complete with, yes, slow motion. The acting is more brutal than the violence throughout, and the theme truly becomes a parody of itself. The movie is a classic example of all sight, no substance, and the ending hints at this being the final chapter of this franchise--though we all know there are enough rich white people getting richer off this series to kill it now.
It's that time of year again--"The Purge" night is here, and in this sequel, we follow a few different groups: some try to hide, some take to the streets in the name of justice, and others just want to watch the world burn. There's a lot of blood and graphic death scenes, just as in the first film. Much like the first film, this is largely poor vs rich, only the political point is shoved even further down your throat in this outing. A lot of people wear masks and try to look menacing, just like in the first one...getting the picture yet?
The Lost Boys they're not
And much like The Purge, The Purge:Anarchy is a fairly average horror flick that made buckets of money for the antogonists of the films--the rich. Irony is, in fact, not dead.
One night a year, for twelve hours, the United States has "The Purge", an event in which emergency services are suspended, and (almost) all crime becomes legal. The result? Unemployment is down to one percent, the economy is rocking and rolling Reagan style, and crime is almost non-existent. We follow a family lead by James Sandin (Ethan Hawke, Sinister) as they attempt to hide from (and fight off) a group of people invading their home. So I know what you're thinking--if you legalize crime, including home robbery, rape, and murder, the crimes will be primarily carried out by low income folks in less than stellar neighborhoods because, you know, that's who commits most of those crimes, and where most of those crimes take place in real life. But let us not forget, avid readers, that this is Hollywood, and in Hollywood, there is one group that is more evil, murderous, and heinous than any other...
Rich white people
Not long into the movie we discover the rich white people are there to kill a poor black man, and it's up to the Sandins (more rich white people) to protect him. If you can breathe with all the political nonsense shoved down your throat, the movie will keep you interested with graphic, bloody, and, at times, unpredictable death scenes. The terror feels forced, and the suspense, when it's actually there, is brief, traded in for scenes that are shot for no other purpose than to make the film seem hipper than it is. The Purge isn't a movie one would expect to be a box office hit, and without the political slant, it probably would have been a limited release (at best) film. However, this movie did well at the box office and, to date, spurned two follow ups. Watch it for the death scenes and if you're an Ethan Hawke fan.
Following the events of the first film, Courtney Collins (Shannyn Sossamon of Wayward Pines fame) moves into the former Oswalt family house. Deputy So & So from the first film (now ex-Deputy So & So) returns and is determined to burn all the houses connected to Bughuul and end the curse once and for all. You rarely expect a sequel to live up to the original, but Sinister 2 really falls short of the original. While it's nice that Bughuul returns...
Mr. Boogeyman is back
...the focus is more on the kids of his flock, which is unfortunate in many ways. Absolutely none of the kids (dead or alive) are even remotely scary, and they come off as a ripoff of the kids from Children of the Corn...only far less intimidating, interesting, or entertaining.
And they're ugly too
As in the first film, we see a bunch a death scenes via old found footage tapes, and while satisfying, the scenes in the sequel are far less creative and scary. The story is not nearly as attention grabbing as in the first film either, though it is passable. Sossamon and James Ransone (the deputy) both turn in good performances and make their characters likable, but the atrocious acting of every child in the movie more than cancels that out. The ex husband character seems there only to give us somebody to hate so much we cheer his inevitable demise--while you will likely cheer out loud when he finally bites the dust, one can't help but observe this makes our villain a bit counter-productive--how can we completely root against a guy who just killed THAT guy?! To top it all off, the transition to the climax is one of the most rushed I have ever seen. I was somewhat excited for this sequel, but in the end, Sinister 2 is a run of the mill horror flick.
True crime author Ellison Oswalt (Ethan Hawke, Alive, The Purge) moves his family into the house the subjects of his work in progress lived in when they were killed; it's there he discovers a bunch of old reels that reveal the family may have fallen victim to a serial killer that has been around since the 1960s, but it turns out the truth is much more...malevolent.
What, you expected me to say sinister?
This 2012 horror film plays out like many films of the past ten or so years--it tells a creepy ghost or possession story, builds the story somewhat slowly, throws in scares here and there, and culminates with a big ending. There are a couple things that separate this one from the pack, however, starting with the film's lead--Ethan Hawke turns in a performance that outshines practically every other actor in a similar role. Vincent D'Onofrio stops by for a brief, uncredited appearance, and is his usual awesome self. The death scenes are some of the most brutal and imaginative ones in recent memory. Take away the obligatory jump scares and the the movie is scarier than most similar films.
Bughuul is a scary dude
The story, while not entirely original, is an interesting one that will keep you hooked, and to say the ending is memorable would be an understatement. On the down side, a lot of the supporting performances are a bit weak, the movie plays out a bit long, and some of the aesthetics need to be taken with a grain of salt. Sinister stands as one of the finer horror films of the last five years, and certainly one of the better ones to hit theaters in that time.
Paranormal Activity 6: The Ghost Dimension Movie Review
Picking up where the third film left off, we see a family in a house built where Lois' house once sat. Daughter Leila begins talking to a demon named Toby while her father Ryan watches VHS tapes he found that show Kristin and Katie as children. As strange things happen in the house Ryan puts together the clues to connect what he is seeing on the tapes to what is happening in his house. Along for the ride are Ryan's brother wife Emily, and his...sister(?) Skylar. Much like Saw 7, this movie is allegedly the final in the series and attempts to tie up loose ends left from previous films--while it may have done that, the results are less than satisfying. Unfortunately, this film forgoes the organic frights of the first film in favor of heavy reliance on CGI (made for 3D no less), taking away pretty much any sense of reality, thus leaving any true terrifying moments few and far between. Of course this is a found footage film, and if you can make it through the annoying number of jump cuts you may just finds yourself rolling your eyes and taking the same issue with these type films that I take--NOBODY would continue holding a camera through everything that is happening. The family realizes the daughter isn't in the house and what's the first thing Dad does? He grabs the video camera. Mom goes through a multi-dimensional, time traveling tunnel that has developed in her daughter's bedroom? Better grab that camera, and be sure it is stable, focused, and always shooting straight.
Yeah, grabbing the camera is the first thing I would do
No that all is bad with this movie. The acting is actually fairly decent, the story connecting this with the first three films is adequate, and the film moves at a good pace. Still, if this truly is the final film in the Paranormal Activity series, Ghost Dimension sent the series out with a whimper.
On A Scale Of One To Ten: 5
Paranormal Activity 6: The Ghost Dimension Movie Trailer
Paranormal Activity 5: The Marked Ones Movie Review
Soon after graduating high school, Jesse (Andrew Jacobs) begins having supernatural experiences--there's apparently a guardian angel of sorts looking out for him and communicating with him through...a Simon game.
Remember Simon?
Thankfully for us, the viewer, Jesse's buddy Hector (Jorge Diaz) is by his side to record it all on his camera. The fifth installment of the Paranormal Activity series comes off almost as more a spin off of the series than a sequel, and gets the series back on track. There's a lot going on here--we see more a possession than before, and being goofball teens, the lead characters treat it all more like a joke than anything serious. We get more back story, tons of special effects, and a creepy room that holds many answers.
She's about to come across it
It's difficult to stick with this movie through the first thirty minutes--we get to know the characters, and not many come off as likable, but when all hell begins to break loose, you might actually begin to like the characters. Once the movie takes off it rarely slows down, leading up to an ending that ties this movie to the first in a way you will not see coming--without spoiling anything, I will say it answers a previously unanswered question from the first film, and does a nice job in doing so. I really wish the movie was more interesting in the first act, as it may have gone down as a classic, but The Marked Ones is still a very strong entry in the series.
On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7
Paranormal Activity 5: The Marked Ones Movie Trailer
Teen Alex Nelson (Kathryn Newton) and her family take in a boy named Robbie after his mother Katie falls ill. Soon after, things begin to get spooky around the house, and, this being a Paranormal movie, they set up cameras to capture it all. The 4th installment of the series is a sequel to the second film, taking place five years later and in Henderson, Nevada. The Nelson family's son, Wyatt, turns out to be Hunter, and his aunt Katie eventually comes looking for him. Throw in Toby and a countless number of witches and this all becomes very familiar territory.
And Kinect dots
Unlike in the previous three movies, there really are no likable characters in this one. Alex is a whiny, annoying, self-absorbed teen girl constantly on Skype or her phone...
Lots of this
...and, unfortunately, the cast of characters only gets worse from there. The scares are very forced, we get a LOT of stuff that does nothing but slow down the pace of the film, and a lot of what we see happen makes no sense at all. Seriously, in the end sequence, is there a person on the planet who would have held on to the computer?! The movie is only somewhat saved by an ending that, while convoluted and hard to swallow, at least serves to keep your attention. The Paranormal Activity series really fell off the cliff with the fourth film. I wonder if the series can be saved?
In a prequel to the original Paranormal Activity, we go back in time to see Katie and Kristi as children in 1988. Living with their mother Julie (Lauren Bittner) and would-be stepfather Dennis (Christopher Nicholas Smith), the children begin interacting with imaginary friend/real life demon Toby, and via the cameras Dennis has set up all around the house, we see the havoc unfold. The third installment of the series keeps the momentum going strong. The story is an interesting one, the cast is likable, and the scares, while beginning to border on over the top, are still frightening.
This one is particularly spooky
One thing one has to wonder, however, is why Katie never really mentions any of the events of this film during the first movie. Yes, I know she mentions the demon has followed her since she was a kid, but the risk you take in making a film like this is continuity--in this instance, having gone through all this as a child, you would think she would freak out the second Micah begins to set up cameras. I understand the entire series is found footage, but one has to wonder if this film being shot as a regular movie would have been more effective. The ending, while somewhat chilling, will also make you scratch your head. Without giving too much away, it involves...
"...an oven full of witches?"
If you are a fan of the first two films, you will likely enjoy Paranormal Activity 3 as well. It sticks to the format that works, does a decent job telling the backstory of the girls, and delivers in the scare factor.
On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7
Paranormal Activity 3 Movie Trailer
It is interesting to note that a LOT of what you see in this trailer doesn't appear in the movie
A prequel to the first Paranormal Activity, this one finds Katie’s (Katie Featherston) sister’s family being haunted by the demon. You get much of the same here as you get in the original movie—lots of surveillance footage, home video footage, and lots of time where nothing at all is happening, all which results in a slow burn build to a very satisfying ending. One major problem I had with this film was that it did not have the “real” feeling of the original. No, I did not think the original was “real”, but the actors in it were both unknown and did a phenomenal job making me believe that they could have, in fact, been a married couple. That was lost here when I saw Katie’s sister Kristi (Sprague Grayden) and instantly recognized her from the television show 24. Grayden and her husband Daniel (Brian Boland) never come close to capturing the realism that Featherston and Micah Sloat did in the original. Oh, and to mix things up, they have a teenage daughter (Molly Ephraim) who generally only serves to annoy, though she does do a good job once the movie picks up in the end.
Turn around!
The acting in this just generally seems uninspired and that takes a lot from the movie. Featherston and Sloat do appear in this film for brief moments at a time, which adds to the enjoyment a bit, though, being a prequel, they oddly put in messages about what happens in the original—this is annoying the first time they do it and very effective the second time. All this said, the movie really comes together in the final twenty minutes, providing intense scenes and doing a good job setting up the original movie, and, ultimately, setting up a third installment. If you saw the first one already, this one should be seen. If you have seen neither, watch this one first until the final 5 minutes. At this point, turn the film off, watch the first one completely through, and then watch the final 5 minutes of this one.
Young couple Katie (Katie Featherston) and Micah (Micah Sloat) suspect strange happenings while they sleep and set up a camera to record the overnight events, but what they discover is worse than they could have imagined. This game changing film brought a realistic fear the big screen had not witnessed since The Blair Witch Project some ten years earlier.
"Think I'll just stand here a while..."
Honestly, there is a lot to like about this film. Our two leads do a wonderful job in their respective roles, and the natural chemistry of the two only heightens the sense of realism in this movie--it is easy to believe this is an actual couple we are watching. The film's formula is similar to that of a Japanese ghost movie--a slow build with each scare getting progressively more frightening, leading up to the fantastic ending. Speaking of ending, this one has two: the Spielberg ending seen in theaters, and the more terrifying alternate ending. Paranormal Activity isn't a movie filled with a bunch of blood and gore, but the scares, while much more subtle, are no less creepy--given the proper setting, this movie may even leave you feeling a bit uneasy. This movie isn't without its flaws--there are some noticeable continuity errors and the overuse of dissolve may drive you to fits, but Paranormal Activity inspired many other films, kicked off an incredibly successful franchise, and, most importantly, is a genuinely scary movie.
The Goodman family once captured an evil warlock, crucified him, and stole his book. The warlock has now returned, in the form of a scarecrow, to seek revenge on the family and retrieve his book, which will give him unlimited--and unstoppable--powers. The Goodman family features an interesting cast, including Stephen Root (Office Space, O Brother, Where Art Thou?), Dirk Blocker (son of Dan Blocker of Bonanza fame), and Bruce Glover (father of Crispin). Speaking of actors you will likely recognize, future Academy Award nominee John Hawkes (Identity, I Still Know What You Did Last Summer) appears as Danny, the town troublemaker (and presumably a teenager, though the actor was around 34 years old when this was shot). The scarecrow is scary enough looking, but in a most peculiar way.
I hate it when I lose a button too
The acting ranges from pretty good to fairly awful--unfortunately, the worst of the performances are from the two leads-- Elizabeth Barondes as Claire and John Mese as Dillon. The dialogue also leaves a lot to be desired here--Claire, in one of the most predictable hero one-liners, even quotes The Wicked Witch from The Wizard of Oz at one point. What makes this movie so enjoyable, however, are the memorable death scenes. We see everything from farm equipment being used to slice and dice to somebody being killed by straw--from the inside.
And what is about to happen here is awesome
This low budget 1995 film has, in many ways, flown under the horror radar for over twenty years, but it has long been a favorite of mine, and ranks among the better horror films of the 90s. Night of the Scarecrow is not a great movie, and it likely won't scare you out of your boots, but this is a really fun movie to watch and one I recommend.
In 1976 a movie titled The Town That Dreaded Sundown was made--this film was based on actual events, specifically a 1946 killing spree dubbed "The Texarkana Moonlight Murders". That is a fairly terrifying film that I will one day get around to reviewing--the 2014 The Town That Dreaded Sundown is some sort of strange hybrid of remake and sequel. We start this film with a scene of people in Texarkana gathered at a drive in theatre to see the original The Town That Dreaded Sundown on Halloween night--this is a take on a real life event wherein the city of Texarkana shows the 1976 film every year around Halloween. So we establish right from the get go that the 1976 film was just that--a film. However, the 1946 killings were very real, and now the killer appears to be back to wreak havoc on the town in 2013. The killings are practically identical to the ones from the 1976 film, which were similar (but not really) to the real life murders.
Mad scientist Henry Frankenstein (Colin Clive) sets out on a mission to create a human out of body parts of the recently deceased. When his plan actually works, Frankenstein and crew are not prepared for what comes next. This 1931 classic is a great way to start off my favorite time of year--October. Horror movies, falling leaves, Halloween, haunted houses, postseason baseball...what's NOT to love about October?! What's that you say? My birthday? Okay, yes, there's that, and getting older is no fun--the psychological scarring of another year gone is a lot to deal with, but my girlfriend always makes that dreaded day special, so I can get past it.
"I wish you would"
Okay, right, back to the movie. Frankenstein is considered one of the all time great horror classics, and I am a bit ashamed I have never reviewed it before. Boris Karloff brings the monster to life in one of the most legendary performances in film history. His ability to effectively scare us and make us feel a connection to, and even compassion for, this character is a true testament to what a fantastic actor Karloff was. To me it's not necessarily anything the monster actually does in the film that makes him so memorable--it's Karloff's performance that has stood the test of time. Tragically overshadowed is the performance of Clive. The sheer number of emotions this guy goes through in this film, from the feeling of being God to the ultimate regret, requires a special kind of actor to pull off successfully, and Clive does just that. Visually the movie is stunning. The movie is not without its drawbacks--the acting of some of the secondary characters comes to mind, along with the borderline absurd plot and outcome--but it's easy to see why Frankenstein is considered one of the all time greats.
A down on his luck actor finds himself living in public housing in Hong Kong. After he fails to commit suicide he finds the building also houses ghosts, vampires, and zombies. After a quick read I discovered this movie pays homage to Chinese vampire movies of the 1980s, so I have that genre to look into now. This film starts out slow but soon picks up and packs the weirdness one might expect from an Asian horror film.
See...weird!
The story itself reminds me in many ways of Day Watch and Night Watch, which takes away from any points it would earn for originality, but hey, if you're going to steal borrow from a movie, those are pretty good choices.
There two might remind you of another movie too
There is a tremendous amount of blood and gore, and some scenes are so graphic they border on disturbing. The film is shot wonderfully as well, and if you're into martial arts films, there's some of that thrown in for good measure. The ending is one you may not see coming, but this is an example of a twist ending taking the air out of everything leading up to it...and it's been done to several times already. That said, Rigor Mortis is a very interesting, intense film, and, assuming you are not completely anti-subtitles, you should check it out.
Fifty years after an elementary school class leaves a time capsule filled with their visions of the future, it is discovered one girls paper, which appears to be just a random numbers, is actually a series of numbers predicting disasters that would occur over the next fifty years. This 2009 Nicholas Cage film isn't so much horror as it is a sci-fi big screen disaster movie, but I feel it has enough horror elements to warrant an addition to this site.
This would give me nightmares
The underlying question in this film: is everything predetermined, where every little thing in life leads to the present, or is everything random? Sooo....smoking a joint before watching might not be the worst thing you could do. The acting is...well, it's almost all Cage and Chandler Canterbury, who plays Cage's son Caleb--you know what to expect from Cage, and Canterbury is pretty unbearable. An actress horror fans are very aware of, Rose Byrne (Insidious, 28 Weeks Later), stops in about midway through the film as well. The effects are very CGI laden, to very mixed results.
This one is particularly good
Another debate in this film is angels or aliens? I know where I stand on this, but I won't make an argument here. The lead up to the ending is actually pretty good, but the actual ending falls flat. Knowing is one of those films that hit the box office, did fairly well, but didn't set the world on fire...
Or did it?
...and was a decent movie, but one that ultimately is forgettable, having been surpassed in many ways by several similar but better outings--still, this is a movie worth checking out--just be sure you have a bowl of popcorn (and possibly a bong) in hand.
It has occurred to me that in the X number of years I have been doing this site I have never reviewed a television show, so on this Thursday night, in honor of the social media theme related to this day, lets look at a TV show that throws things back to the 1980's: Stranger Things. After a middle school aged boy disappears in a small Indiana town, his group of friends, his mother, and the police department go looking for him. Along the way they uncover government secrets and experiments, mysteries, a monster, and a little girl who possesses incredible powers.
Her...yes, this is a girl...I think...
This Netflix original series is a wonderful blend of horror, science fiction, a dash of comedy, and a Twilight Zone creepiness. There isn't really a great deal of gore, but the suspense throughout the season more than makes up for this. For the most part the acting is good--even the children, believe it or not. Some of the teenagers turn in questionable performances, and they certainly could have casted a better actor for the sheriff. The biggest name attached to the show is 1990s icon Winona Ryder--Gen Xers, be warned--seeing Winona at this age, and playing the mother of a high school kid, may be a shock to the system.
My thoughts exactly
The show isn't entirely original--it borrows a bit from Insidious, and its nods to Poltergeist, E.T., IT, and A Nightmare On Elm Street are anything but subtle. As for the 1980s, they really nailed the look and feel of an 80s horror film, and the selection of music is fantastic--you can't go wrong with The Clash, Joy Division, and New Order, but it can be distracting when a show set in 1983 plays a song that wasn't recorded until 1987.
Specifically, this song
But hey, we all love The Bangles, so this can be overlooked. Overall, Stranger Things breaths fresh air into a genre of television show that is rarely good, or even interesting for that matter--a better ending could have done wonders with how the show (or at least the first season) will be remembered. While season two has not been announced officially as of this moment, one can only assume it's inevitable, and one can only hope they maintain the momentum of season one.
