NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD (1990)

Night of the Living Dead Movie Review

Back in 1968, George A. Romero directed one of the all-time great horror films, Night of the Living Dead. The film was ground-breaking, putting zombie movies at the forefront and creating the blueprint for the genre that has been followed since. In 1989, a group of movie people decided to remake this classic, and brought in special effects wizard Tom Savini to direct, making this his feature film directorial debut. They also brought in relative unknown, but soon to be horror icon, Tony Todd (Final Destination, Candyman) to play Ben, the lead character...and it worked. Released in 1990, this film was one that was seemingly on cable channels all the time by the mid 1990s--during the decade of the nineties, I must have watched this movie about a hundred times. This version was much more accessible at the time than the original, making many think of THIS movie, not the original, when they heard Night of the Living Dead--and that is not as tragic as it initially sounds. 

"Wait...what did you just say?"

Seeing Todd as a sympathetic hero is kind of weird, but he pulls it off well. Patricia Tallman is memorable as Barbara--the performance isn't great, but something about it will leave an impression. Tom Towles (House of 1000 Corpses) really steals the show as Cooper, the villain you will want to reach through the television and choke. Towles truly makes you hate this character. The rest of the cast is hit or miss, with some of the acting bordering on unbearable, though Heather Mazur is creepy in her brief appearance as Zombie Sarah, pictured above. Savini and company pretty much stick to what we know from the original film, with more gore, and with the moral of the story intact, albeit more in your face. Imagine a world where rednecks are running things...I shudder to think. Is this movie as good as the original? Of course not. Is it a really, really good remake? Yes...yes it is. 

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

Night of the Living Dead Movie Trailer

HALLOWEEN (1978)

Halloween Movie Review

Fifteen years after killing his sister, Michael Myers escapes the institution he has been locked in and returns to his hometown of Haddonfield, Illinois, where he terrorizes babysitter Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis in her film debut) and her friends. So there is a ton of confusion out there with the Halloween franchise--this, the original 1978 film, spawned an entire franchise that largely got worse with each sequel. Halloween 3 is almost universally considered the worst of the batch, but as it has nothing to do with Michael Myers, many don't even consider it a part of the franchise. The franchise also had a reboot, with Rob zombie directing Halloween in 2007 and Halloween II in 2009. Most recently, we got another film titled Halloween that was released just this month--while I have not seen it yet, my understanding is that it is a direct sequel to this, the original 1978 Halloween, and ignores every other film after it...but it's not titled Halloween 2...it is instead also titled Halloween, the third movie with this title. So yeah, that's all confusing, but let's get back to this movie.

Focus Josh

This movie starts off with a bang, tells a wonderful story in the middle, and ends as strong as it begins. Jamie Lee Curtis makes a likable lead, and Donald Pleasence steals the show as Dr. Loomis, Michael's psychiatrist--he realizes the only way to stop the madman is to eliminate him, and poor Loomis tries in vain the entire film to warn anybody who will listen of the impending doom. Unfortunately, outside of these two, the rest of the acting in this movie is pretty bad--it's so bad at times it can be hard to watch. There is also relatively little blood--while that may be surprising if you have only heard of this movie and never actually seen it, this ultimately doesn't really take much away from the film, unless you are a gorehound. Arguably the greatest thing about this movie is the music--director John Carpenter also scored the film, and the music is some of the coolest and creepiest of any horror film ever made. The ending leaves a little to be desired, but it did leave the door open for the many sequels that would follow. Halloween is considered one of the all time classic horror films, and is justly credited with ushering in a wave of slasher films that would flood the market in the following decade. If you are reading a horror movie blog, chances are you have already seen this movie--if you haven't, go watch it. Now.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 9

Halloween Movie Trailer

THE HOUSE ON SORORITY ROW

The House On Sorority Row Movie Review

Tired of living under their house mother’s iron fist, seven sorority girls decide to pull a prank on her. Things go south, however, when the woman dies as a result. Now, the girls are being killed off one by one as they attempt to cover up her death. Coming out during the slasher craze of the early 1980s, this film brings pretty much what you would expect from the genre at this time. The premise of the film isn't entirely original, and not much else throughout the movie is either. Except for Katherine McNeil as good girl Katey and Eileen Davidson as mean girl Vicki, the sorority girls are rather interchangeable.

There's another one somewhere

McNeil and Davidson each do a decent job, but the rest of the acting in this film is rather awful--when do we ever watch slasher movies for the acting though? There is an impressive body count, with very mixed results--a lot of the violence is off screen or shown as shadows, with little to no blood, but we also get some brutality, including a severed head in a toilet.

That's quite a swirly

You will likely know how this one is going to unfold, but there is a surprise or two thrown in as well. What this movie lacks is anything really scary or tense, save for a brief moment near the end of the film. This movie actually has garnered a following, and lead to a remake, the title shortened to Sorority Row, years later. If you are a fan of 1980s slasher flicks, you will likely enjoy The House On Sorority Row--I was hoping for a bit more from it, but you can certainly do worse.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 6

The House On Sorority Row Movie Trailer

THE MESSENGERS

The Messengers Movie Review

The Solomon family moves into a haunted farm house, and daughter Jess (Kristen Stewart, Panic Room, The Runaways), a trouble making teen of some sort, is the only one of the family who can tell something is wrong--well, her little brother can too, but he doesn't talk...or show emotion...or do anything redeeming. This movie came out in 2007, the tail-end of about a five year stretch when these ghost/haunting movies were hitting the big screen seemingly every month. Not that I was complaining--many of these films were really good--The Messengers just doesn't happen to be one of them. By the time this movie arrived in theaters, we had already watched The Ring, The Grudge (wait, I haven't reviewed The Grudge yet?!), and probably even the Japanese movies that inspired them, so when we watched The Messengers, it just came off as a rip-off of those films...and it still does to this day.

"What face am I supposed to be making again?"

Most of the scares are a CGI-fest and/or jump scare, but there is a scene or two that will grab your attention. Kristen Stewart, the queen of the stone-faced actresses, is just that in this film--the only thing surprising about this is that the twins who play Ben, her little brother, are even more stone-faced than Stewart--I know this is hard to believe, but trust me on this one. Penelope Ann Miller (Chaplin, The Relic) and Dylan McDermott (Home For The Holidays, American Horror Story) phone this one in as Jess' parents, but John Corbett (The Wonder Years, Northern Exposure) saves the day, turning in, by far, the best performance in the film. A twist and turn along the way will keep you going, as will a couple creepy appearances by William B. Davis (the Cigarette Smoking Man from The X-Files), but in the end, his existence in this film, and the twists, really don't make a lot of sense. All that said, this movie made a ton of money, and spawned a prequel that more closely follows the original script and is much better. The Messengers really isn't a bad movie--it has some entertaining elements, but you have to take it for what it is--a cheap version of much better films. 

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 5

The Messengers Movie Trailer

SILVER BULLET

Silver Bullet Movie Review

A werewolf is terrorizing the small town of Tarker’s Mill. It’s now up to handicapped child Marty (Corey Haim of The Lost Boys), his sister Jane (Megan Follows) and Uncle Red (legendary lunatic Gary Busey) to stop the hairy beast. Based on the Stephen King story Cycle of the Werewolf, this 1985 film came out during a period in which a ton of King’s works were being presented on the big screen—the result of this was very hit or miss, but to me, Silver Bullet is one of the more enjoyable films from this batch. Growing up, I was always a fan of Haim. He was a rare child actor in that he was actually likable and talented, and he really does do a great job in this movie. Busey is about what you would expect—he’s essentially playing himself in this movie, as most of his lines are improvised. Everett McGill is pretty good as the Reverend, and Follows turns in a decent performance, but much of the rest of the acting is quite dreadful. How much you like the werewolf will largely depend on your horror preferences—if you prefer CGI monsters, you will hate it, but if your appreciation is more in the classic approach, you may be satisfied here—I personally love it.

"Gimme a hug"

Even if you are not a fan, a lot of the scenes with the werewolf are done with quick cuts, effectively making the monster scarier. The transformation scenes are also solid, and the Reverend’s nightmare sequence is quite memorable. The ending is rather abrupt, and much of this movie is a little corny, but I have liked Silver Bullet since first seeing it as a kid, and still find myself watching it every couple years in October.

On A Scale From One To Ten: 7

Silver Bullet Movie Trailer

THE FUNHOUSE

The Funhouse Movie Review

After witnessing a murder at a carnival, a group of teenagers find themselves being hunted down by the deformed killer and his deranged father. Tobe Hooper of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre directed this 1981 slasher film that is probably best remembered for the visual of the killer once he unmasks.

A face only a mutha could love

If you read my review of the 2018 Halloween Horror Nights, you know I am a sucker for anything carnival related, and this movie is no exception. It does take a while to get going, as we get to know the lead, Amy (Elizabeth Berridge), and the three youngsters she goes to the carnival with. We see rides, freak shows, and other cool stuff, we see the teens doing teen stuff, then finally get to the killings. Most of the death scenes are fairly tame and the body count is low, but there are certainly some interesting visuals involved. The real strong points of this movie are the suspenseful elements,, the directing, and the cinematography, all of which are excellent. The opening scene, paying homage to Psycho and Halloween, is also memorable. The acting is pretty bad throughout this movie, but that adds the 1980s horror appeal, so all is well with that. While not necessarily considered a classic, The Funhouse is a nice horror piece, and if you are a fan of 1980s horror, is a must-see.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

The Funhouse Movie Trailer

IT'S OCTOBER 13 JOSH! POST SOMETHING ALREADY!

Hello loyal readers. I know you likely expected me to have written more reviews by this point in the month--it IS October, the horror movie month, after all, and here it is the 13th day and this is my first entry of our favorite time of the year, so I feel an explanation is in order. My girlfriend and I left for a vacation to England and France (and briefly Norway) at the start of the month and just returned two days ago...oh yeah, and we both returned very sick...thanks Europe. So while not in the states, I had no time to watch movies, much less review them--we don't believe in relaxation during vacation, so we were sightseeing the entire time...and my goodness, did we ever see a lot!

While on the subject of sightseeing, I will not go through everything we saw, but will mention the things that I could tie into the theme of this site: Stonehenge was incredible (and freezing cold).

And this picture made it onto Svengoolie's photo gallery!

Seeing Jim Morrison's grave and the cemetery he's buried in, Pere Lachaise Cemetery in Paris, was really cool and creepy. As a lifelong fan of The Doors, seeing Morrison's grave is something I had wanted to do for many, many years. Aside from Morrison, there are dozens of other famous people buried in the cemetery, which is absolutely huge. If you are a fan of cemeteries and enjoy checking out the cool headstones and tombs, Pere Lachaise Cemetery is a place you could spend all day at.

Mr. Mojo Resting

Keeping with my reviews of haunted houses this year (see Halloween Horror Nights 2018 and Mickey's Not-So-Scary Halloween Party 2018), Le Manoir de Paris has Halloween: Toxic, a thirty minute walk through haunted house that is, at times, absolutely terrifying. The monsters can, and often do, touch you, much of the house is pitch black, and, best of all, you are sent through the house in small groups (there were five of us), making every scare one you do not see coming a mile away--I'm looking at you, Universal. The story is of a toxic outbreak, turning humans into mutated monsters. There is a ton of personal interaction with the characters, and they all speak English as well as French, which is great. If you speak English but not French, simply tell one of the people at the start of the house, and you will be given a glow stick, alerting the characters to perform in English. The makeup jobs throughout the house are extraordinary, and many of the scenes and special effects are genuinely frightening. So should you find yourself in Paris, check this experience out--it will cost about 30 Euros, but is worth every bit of it. You can find more information on this at their site here.

The building even looks cool on the outside

So there you have it, the reasons it has taken me so long into October to write a review. Thanks for reading, and with that out of the way, I think I'll review something now!

THE HILLS HAVE EYES

The Hills Have Eyes Movie Review

When their vehicles have some issues, a family out on a road trip is terrorized by a group of cannibals in the middle of the desert. This 1977 Wes Craven film seemed almost lost over the years, and chances are, in the last 12 years, you've probably come across the 2006 remake more often than the original film. It's easy to understand why--unlike the remake, this movie was never meant for mass consumption--it is so gritty it actually stands out in a decade filled with gritty films, and was right at home in seedy side of town grindhouses and drive in movie theatres.

And a lot of the audience probably looked like this

The violence is fairly unrelenting in this movie, which is one of the things that will keep you going, even if the acting makes you want to turn it off. The character development is severly lacking--Craven does little to make you care about the victims, and in fact makes one or two so unlikable (especially Bob), you actually cheer when they meet their demise. The cannibal killers are a whole different story--Craven did a wonderful job with this group, making them despicable, disgusting, and easy to hate--everything a villain of this type should be, although I must admit, it's hard to hate Michael Berryman because, well, he's Michael Berryman.

"I told you no smoking!"

If you are familiar with the remake and not the original, one stark contrast is in the villains--in the remake they are much more mutated; in the original, they are more like derange inbred hillbillies in the desert--desertbillies? A whole lot of this movie is scene for scene similar to the remake, with less happening between the chaos and bloodshed. The shots are also very...interesting. I know The Hills Have Eyes is considered a classic, and I really wanted to like it more than I did--I respect how influential the film is, and completely understand why, but as a viewer, I found it too slow, too clunky, and the acting far too unbearable to love it.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 6

The Hills Have Eyes Movie Trailer

POLTERGEIST II: THE OTHER SIDE (aka POLTERGEIST 2)

Poltergeist II: The Other Side Movie Review

One year after the events of the original film, the Freeling family believe they are in the clear, but discover otherwise when a mysterious Native American named Taylor (Will Sampson, One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest) warns the danger is still very real. Let's address the elephant in the room right off the bat--Dominique Dunne, who played Dana, the eldest daughter in the original film, was murdered by her boyfriend shortly after the release of Poltergeist, and her character is not mentioned at all in this film. I personally would have liked to have at least seen her absence explained (her being in college was in the original script but was scrapped), but, for whatever reason, she's just forgotten. Other than her, the rest of the original Freelings are here, and we also get the return of Zelda Rubenstein as psychic oddball Tangina.

She knew I was going to use this picture

Speaking of oddballs, this movie is loaded with them, which only adds to the fun of it--Craig T. Nelson is awesome in his hilarious, spastic performance, Sampson steals the show as Taylor, and Julian Back is creepy as Reverend Henry Kane.

And honest man?

This movie manages to maintain a fun balance of horror, splashes of comedy, and a whole lot of bizarre, from the strange characters to the use of actual skeletons in the shots to everything that happens on the "Other Side".

It looks like this

Poltergeist II: The Other Side is not nearly as scary as the original film, and probably is not as good, but it certainly is a ton of fun to watch--it is loaded with that off the wall element you expect from 80s supernatural movies (and I haven't even mentioned what happens after Steven eats the worm), and that can never be a bad thing. As with Stigmata, I watched this one while visiting my Mom in Ohio, and we had a blast watching it together for the first time in decades. 

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

Poltergeist II: The Other Side Movie Trailer

MEDUSA AGAINST THE SON OF HERCULES (aka Perseus Against The Monsters)

Medusa Against The Son Of Hercules Movie Review

Perseo (Richard Harrison) does battle with Medusa, some soldiers, and a dragon, while trying to win over Andromeda (Anna Ranalli). This Italian film from 1963 is one of many similar movies from that era known as "sword-and-sandal" films, and most of them are fairly awful, with this being no exception. We start with a theme song that mentions the sons of Hercules--we don't get any plural form in the movie. This was actually part of a series of movies, all very similar, that kind of, sort of tied together. The acting is awful, the dubbing dreadful. The battle scenes are a bore and seem to last an eternity, with little of note actually happening. The story, and movie, plod along at a snails pace, and by the time you are finished watching it, you will swear you just lost six hours of your life (it's actually only 95 minutes). There are exactly two savings graces in this movie: the aforementioned Medusa and dragon.

Not this Madusa

Or this Dragon

We know Medusa as the Greek monster with the face of a woman and living snakes for hair, but what we get here isn't quite...that.

It's this

Yes, the dreaded Medusa looks more like a walking tree with wild, flailing branches than the monster we expect. Is this bad? Not really...actually, yes, completely, but in a most awesome way. Our dragon is just as lovable.

Don't you just want to give him a hug?

I will always love the old, practical way of making movie monsters, and sometimes the worst looking ones are my favorites--these guys fit into that category of enjoyment--CGI will never touch this level of magic. I recommend watching this movie only if you can fast forward through every scene that does not include Medusa or the dragon...unless you're having difficulty sleeping--in that case, it's a must-see.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 3

I couldn't find the trailer, but enjoy the Svengoolie opening for Medusa Against The Son of Hercules

GODZILLA VS DESTOROYAH

Godzilla vs Destoroyah Movie Review

Godzilla, on the verge of a nuclear meltdown, destroys Hong Kong and battles Destoroyah (pronounced "Destroyer", but spelled in this unusual way due to copyright deals), a menacing foe that can take the shape of several smaller creatures. Largely considered one of the best movies of the franchise, this 1996 outing pays tribute to the original film, while also bringing new elements to the table. As a result of his condition, Godzilla himself looks very different in this movie.

He looks pretty hot

Godzilla is also joined by his son here, but mercifully, it's not the one from Godzilla's Revenge, a film we'd all like to forget. The events that unfold near the end of the movie provide us a look at Godzilla's emotional side we had not seen before, which is...interesting. The acting and story are actually pretty good in the movie--we don't watch Godzilla movies for these reasons, but having them as an added bonus is nice. This brings us to why we do watch Godzilla films--the battles--and you will not be disappointed by that here. 

Did I mention Godzilla is outsized?

Tons of action leads us to an ending that is a bit underwhelming, but considering that at the time this film came out, the future of Godzilla appeared to be in Hollywood's hands, it kind of makes sense. If you are a fan of the classic Godzilla films but hate the "newer" movies, give this one a shot; it very much has the feel of the ones we all love.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

Godzilla vs Destoroyah Japanese Teaser Trailer

MR. SARDONICUS

Mr. Sardonicus Movie Review

After attempting to rob the grave of his father, Baron Sardonicus (Guy Rolfe, who you will know as Toulon from the Puppet Master films) is cursed with a hideous, permanent smile on his face. This 1961 horror flick comes to us from legendary gimmick master William Castle (House on Haunted Hill, The Night Walker), so we know we're in store for something...different, and this film doesn't disappoint. We get a bit of an introduction from Castle in the beginning, and the real gimmicky stuff comes in at the end...but more on that in a moment. Back to the story--Sardonicus, who wears a mask to hide his condition, seeks out the assistance of physician Robert Cargrave (Ronald Lewis) to cure him.

Can his face really look worse than this mask?

This films moves at a surprisingly quick pace, and includes some rather intense scenes--if you're scared of leeches, and lets face it, who isn't, you may want to fast forward through some parts. A fair bit of tension leads us to the inevitable reveal, and it doesn't disappoint!

Let's take a smile off that face!

...

The movie has a decent little twist after the encounter between Sardonicus and Cargrave, and an even better one in the final scene. So remember when I said Castle was the master of gimmicks? After the reveal and fallout of it, Castle joins us once more and asks the audience, via a thumbs up or thumbs down card, if they want to see Sardonicus punished, or if they want to have mercy on him. After pausing for the vote, Castle declares the audience has voted to punish the villain, and we see the result of that...while it doesn't hold up on home video for obvious reasons, this gimmick must have been a really cool experience for people actually in the theater when this came out. Mr. Sardonicus is a fun movie with a few thrills, and was much better than I expected it to be.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

Mr. Sardonicus Movie Trailer (With a special introduction from William Castle)

OPEN WATER 3: CAGE DIVE

Open Water 3: Cage Dive Movie Review

In 2003, the film Open Water became a surprise box office hit--the inevitable sequel followed in 2006, and eleven years later, it became a trilogy with Open Water 3: Cage Dive. In this one, three Americans, played by Australians, visit the land down under in hopes of becoming contestants on some reality game. They decide to go on a cage dive to see some sharks up close and personal and, this being an Open Water film, you can imagine what happens next.

"I'm going to be floating in water HOW LONG?!"

As is typical with these "Americans visiting foreign lands" horror films, we get the arrival scene, followed by the party scene, followed finally by the distress--mercifully, this movie gets through the initial part of this model fairly quickly, but fails to make any of the three main characters even remotely likable, leading to the viewer not really caring a lot about their fate. Once they end up in the water, we actually get some shark attacks and a fair amount of gore, which is a nice touch. The movie is shot as a hybrid between a found footage film and documentary, and that works out fine, except it does have the same drawback most found footage horror movies share--the unlikelihood that somebody would actually continue shooting through all the scares. The acting is fair, and it has more action that its predecessors--these things may not combine to make Open Water 3: Cage Dive a great movie, but they certainly make it the best of the trilogy. 

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 6

Open Water 3: Cage Dive Movie Trailer

THE SHAPE OF WATER

The Shape Of Water Movie Review

The Shape Of Water--It's a little bit like Creature From The Black Lagoon, and a lot like Splash, but with a lot more profanity and nudity, and very little of the comedy...yeah, that about wraps it up...

...

Okay, okay, I'll talk a little more about this film--it is the 2018 Academy Awards winner for Best Picture and Best Director (Guillermo Del Toro), as well as the winner for Best Original Music Score and Best Production Design; it also had close to ten additional nominations--I wouldn't swear to it, but I would say this is likely the first Best Picture winner I've reviewed on this site. The story plays out like this--a mute woman (Sally Hawkins, Godzilla) falls for a distant relative of Gill-man (named Amphibian Man here, and played by Doug Jones of The Bye Bye Man), but a military faction, headed by a jerk (Michael Shannon of Bug, a movie that if I were to review would make the Worst of the Worst list), wants to kill and perform research of our fishy friend...sound familiar?

"Why yes...yes it does!"

Lack of originality aside, this movie actually does have a lot going for it The film is visually stunning--it combines a gritty realism with scenes that would rival practically any other fantasy film. Del Toro does a wonderful job directing, adding unique camera angles and shots throughout. The acting is very good across the board--Shannon does such a wonderful job as the villain you will want to reach into your set and choke him. Personally, my favorite thing was that Del Toro skipped the whole CGI monster thing, choosing instead to put a man in a rubber suit, just like...you know.

Maybe he read this?

Was The Shape of Water the best film of 2017? No, it wasn't. Was it a really good film? No question. Though primarily a love story, it does hold enough horror and sci-fi elements to please fans of those genres, and no doubt, anybody reading this right now.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

The Shape Of Water Movie Trailer

YOU'RE NEXT

You're Next Movie Review

A wealthy family have a get-together at a remote mansion, but this happy reunion goes south when a group of masked home invaders begin killing them off one by one. This 2013 film was a surprise hit at the box office--I recall seeing it on the big screen with my girlfriend when it was released, and both of us being pleasantly surprised by it, so last night we decided to give it another go. I thought that at some point along the way, I had reviewed this film, but alas, I had not--2013 was a dead time for this site...I'm really not sure why. Did I lose interest? Was I too busy? Was I doing something way more productive with my life?

"Get back on track, or YOU'RE NEXT!"

So we get the quick "get to know the players before they're killed off" bit in the beginning, and this is delivered with a surprising bit of humor, but once the family is finally all together, the chaos is unleashed. This begins with the neighbors, just to get the body count up, I guess. Speaking of body count, it is really high here--that's a good reason to have such a large family gathering. Gore hounds will delight in the amount of bloodshed throughout the film, and, to it's credit, the movie does a wonderful job taking the viewer on a roller coaster ride, with a few twists and turns along the way. The music even stands out as a highlight, particular the song we hear on a continuous loop, and the totally 80's horror nod we get near the end. The acting is even pretty good in this movie--this is surprising in that everybody in the film is a virtual unknown. The main setback in the film is the absolute unlikelihood of what we see from the lead character--it borders on Home Alone at times. The humor in the movie also seems way out of place--while effective in doses, especially in the beginning, it should have been cut short as the horror began. These things aside, You're Next is a really fun horror flick that I enjoy as much as I did the first time I saw it.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

You're Next Movie Trailer

Added bonus, just for you Sani

MOON OF THE WOLF

Moon Of The Wolf Movie Review

Set in Louisiana, this 1972 made-for-television movie tells the tale of dead bodies popping up all over a small town. The authorities assume it's wild dogs doing the killing, but, as you may have suspected by the title--or at least the movie poster--it turns out to be a werewolf. So let me emphasize one thing once again--this is a made for the tele film...don't expect much action...or violence...or gore...you get the idea. This one feels like some strange blend of 1940s horror and a Hammer film--no doubt what they were going for--but with a distinct bayou feel. We sit through a LOT of nothing happening before the reveal is finally made, and when it is, our werewolf looks less like the one on the poster above and more like, well...

...this.

The acting is some bizarre swing from wooden to Wiseau-esque overacting--I'm looking at you, Geoffrey Lewis--and the script, based on a book, is some potion of pages torn from previous films. There is actually really nothing offensively bad about Moon of The Wolf...there's nothing particularly good about it either--I'd recommend it if you're having trouble getting to sleep at night. 

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 4

Moon Of The Wolf Movie Review

THE MAD MAGICIAN

The Mad Magician Movie Review

After having his show shut down and his newest creation, The Buzz-Saw, seized by his employer, magician, makeup specialist, and prop inventor Don Gallico, aka Gallico The Great (the also great Vincent Price) kills the evil business man--this all leads to Gallico taking on several identities and going on a bit of a killing spree.

Think he SAW this coming?

So the story starts off nicely--Gallico, a humble man, essentially has his life ruined by his boss, Ross Ormond (Donald Randolph)--not only does Ormond, via a shady contract, own everything Gallico creates, he owns everything he will EVER create; if that wasn't bad enough, Ormond even stole Gallico's wife--of course we feel less sorry for Gallico when we meet said wife, played by Eva Gabor, whose voice will, for the rest of my life, remind me of Miss Bianca from The Rescuers.

In case you're wondering

Seeing Price go from disguise to disguise is pretty cool, but come on; how could anybody not identify him by that voice? The film moves along nicely, with surprises here and there, making it a fun one to watch. The movie came along during the first wave of 3D in Hollywood (1954), so there are the obligatory "3D shots"--stuff flying toward the camera for no reason. The real strength of the film may be the acting, which is actually pretty good across the board. Unfortunately, the movie kind of falls apart toward the end, and the climax--and follow-up scene--are rather disappointing. The Mad Magician is far from a masterpiece, but I enjoyed watching it for what it was.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 6

The Mad Magician Movie Trailer

RATTLERS

Rattlers Movie Review

After a series of people turn up dead in the desert outside Los Angeles, snake expert Tom Parkinson (Sam Chew) teams with Sheriff Gates (Tony Ballen) and war photographer Ann Bradley (Elisabeth Chauvet) to try to stop the den of deadly reptiles. The 1970s were full of deadly snake movies, from Sssssss to Stanley to this "gem". 

This has classic written all over it

In a movie filled with absolute ineptness, it's really difficult to know where to begin...I'll start with the acting. We've all suffered through poor acting, from grindhouse films from this same era to 50s schlock to 2000s guy with a pro-am cam films--we've seen it all--and the acting in this film is as bad as in any of those. The dialogue is mind-numbing. The "action" is largely a person writhing about, cut to a snake, cut back to the person, and so on, until the person quickly dies. In one scene a trained military dude fires his rifle repeatedly at a snake that is within inches of him...and misses...over and over. Naturally, a romance arises between Tom and Ann, and, for whatever reason, they decide to head off to Las Vegas in the middle of all this, and, yes, the snakes follow. The reason the snakes are so aggressive is absurd (you know the second you see the military they're behind it all). This all leads to an ending that is as boring as the rest of the film. I did manage to find a couple nice things to say about this movie, however; the body count is high, I love that the conversion to DVD was direct from reel (I have it on the Savage Predators collection), and it is fairly short at 82 minutes (though it feels twice as long). 

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 3

Rattlers Movie Trailer