Friday, May 27, 2016


Sssssss Movie Review

Doctor Carl Stoner (Strother Martin) brings in lab assistants to become his lab rats (or lab snakes, I guess) as he secretly attempts to transform them into human snakes. Somewhere along the way the good doctor's daughter (Heather Menzies-Urich of Piranha fame) falls for the most recent assistant (Dirk Benedict, aka Faceman from the original A-Team series). This 1973 classic, which is probably best known for its use of real snakes, starts off slow...and continues that pace...well, until the final credits roll really. Much of the movie is spent with the doctor telling his assistant all about snakes, coming off as more a snake tutorial you may see in school than a horror film. Joining the cast is Harry, a drunken, I'm not kidding. An antagonist eventually emerges, killing Harry, and leading to the doctor getting his revenge by unleashing...a small snake to bite our villain...on the foot. This, ladies and gentlemen, is truly the only bit of action in this film (Benedict's fight with the villain, in which we see Benedict repeatedly attempt to bite the bad guy, notwithstanding). All is not bad, however--actually, it IS all bad, but in the best ways possible, beginning with our first look at Stoner's previous experiment.

Well this is promising

This one was sold off to a travelling freak show, and after a few injections, we finally get to see Faceman begin to change. It starts out subtle enough...

Maybe it's just lack of sunlight

...but quickly begins to turn, giving us unforgettable images such as...


and this...

...and just when we start to think this human-snake hybrid is going to amount to something of epic proportions, we get our final product...


Yes, the culmination of this transition is our hero turning into a regular cobra that crawls around for a few seconds before fighting a mongoose--who wins that battle is anyone's guess (though we know how these typically turn out) as, in mid battle, the camera does a quick zoom to the snake's love interest's face, she screams, and that's a wrap. Sssssss lacks in anything truly scary (unless you have a fear of snakes, in which case you probably shouldn't watch this movie to begin with), but it screams of 1950s schlock, and, if you can get past the terribly irritating sounds of the snakes and especially the mongoose, you may find some strange enjoyment in this film--and if you were a fan of The A-Team, as I was a child, you may laugh to yourself when the doctor's daughter says "Your face!" to Benedict...yes, yes he was.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 5

Sssssss Movie Trailer

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