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Danny (Anthony Ilott) has just inherited an abandoned resort in West Virginia. When he and his friends go to check it out they find a couple creepy caretakers and something very sinister about Danny's bloodlines--here's a hint: they're in West Virginia and this is a Wrong Turn movie. If nothing else this changes the plot up a little bit in the series as we see the crazed inbreds somewhat working with "regular" people, and we see more "normal" members of the family--yeah, I know we saw this to some degree in part 5 but this time it's different...this time...it's family! (If you're waiting for the return of Maynard, keep waiting. It doesn't happen). The movie does deliver in something we have come to expect in the series--gruesome death scenes.
Oh look...oh...sorry...umm...here's one now
The acting varies--some is horrible, but others are sort of okay. The budget and production value drop off from previous films in the series, and the directing is pretty poor. Still, this movie does have a Wrong Turn feel to it, and maintains the level of mediocrity set by the films that have followed the first two.
On A Scale Of One To Ten: 5
Wrong Turn 6: Last Resort Movie Teaser Trailer
ADDED BONUS: For folks who watched this movie on Chiller and wondered why they blurred the woman walking toward the hot spring at the start of the movie...here's your answer...
Amidst the Mountain Man Festival, the hillbillies from the previous films join forces with Maynard (Doug Bradley, Pinhead from the Hellraiser films), a serial killer, to seek revenge on a group of friends in town for the festival. This marks the first time we see the family working with somebody outside their clan, and the reason for this is never really explained beyond Maynard mentioning they are staying in his home. Naturally this movie brings a ton of blood and guts (literally), and comes through with some intense death scenes.
He wants to be...your sledgehammer
Mercifully, part 5 drops the dreaded attempts at humor we had to deal with in part 4 and finds the nice balance of the first few films in the series. To no surprise at all Bradley brings the awesomeness, though it is funny hearing his accent come and go at various points throughout the movie. The rest of the acting is fairly decent, and this would present arguably the most likable group of victims since the first film. A little too much time is spent in the jail with little to nothing advancing the story other than Maynard repeatedly threatening everybody else. With the festival in town you may be excited at the prospect of the hillbillies going on a mass killing spree, but sadly, it's not to be. What we do get, however, is a pretty memorable ending taken straight out of the pages of the Saw series. For whatever reason many fans of this series name this their least favorite of the Wrong Turn films, but to me it sits a solid third, behind only the first two.
On A Scale Of One To Ten: 6
Wrong Turn 5: Bloodlines Movie Trailer (not red band, but it probably should be--insert the obligatory nudity and language warning here)
This movie starts off in 1982, where we see the hillbilly family we have grown to know and love, as children in an sanitarium. After they break out and kill practically everybody in front of them we flash forward to 2003, when we see them as adults stalking a group interchangeable young people lost on a snowmobile outing. The fourth installment of the series approaches with tongue planted firmly in cheek--there's no denying there has always been a bit of humor in these films, but if the previous three films each had a sip of comedy, this one is going for the Polar Pop. Fortunately there is a good amount of blood to keep you mildly interested in the film.
You just have to hang in there
After the bloody and, well...interesting...opening sequence, quite literally nothing happens for the next thirty minutes or so to advance the story. We get to meet a handful of one dimensional characters, there's some sex, and people disagreeing on stuff, and...yeah, that's about it, so when you watch it, if you're not interested in seeing boobs, check out the opening then fast forward a half hour to save yourself some time. Once it gets going, though, there is a ton of gore (albeit comedic most of the time) and an ending that might surprise you (except that, you know, it's also comedic). To me this is the worst of the Wrong Turn movies, but somebody has to be the ugly sister I guess.
A group of four college students are terrorized by cannibal freaks in a wooded area. A short time later a prison bus transferring prisoners overturns in the same woods, giving the cannibals more potential meals. Let me start this by saying that I am a fan of the first two Wrong Turn movies. As a fan I was cautiously excited about seeing the third installment, and was pretty let down. As opposed to the first two films, which saw entire families of these freaks tracking people down, this one features primarily one freak and his boy (for a short time anyways). Also, unlike in the first two, this film has other “bad guys”, graying the question of which side is good and which is bad.
Good guy?
This is a cool concept that usually works in films, but not this one. The acting is pretty bad here two, with really no exception. Another thing that separates this from the first two films is the use of CGI, which wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing if the CGI was good—it’s not. Probably the only thing this movie really has going for it is the number of interesting death scenes, which is a staple in this series. The ending also leaves questions and features at least one thing you may not see coming. Overall this is the worst of the Wrong Turn series (so far) and I really only recommend it to fans of the series who can’t go without seeing them all.
A group of young people goes into the woods to shoot a survival-based reality show hosted by former Marine Dale Murphy (Henry Rollins, Feast, The Devil's Tomb) and are soon hunted by a family of deformed cannibals. This sequel to the original Wrong Turn sticks pretty close to the feel of its predecessor while adding a ton more gore.
And these guys
The actors playing the game show contestants are hit or miss, with Texas Battle (Final Destination 3) as Jake standing out as the best of them. Of course all the actors pale in comparison to the awesomeness Henry Rollins brings to the film. There are some very memorable death scenes in this one, too, blending extreme gore with a bit of humor. The story of the inbred family is actually sort of interesting too. This movie, much like the original, is a lot of fun and something I recommend to any horror fan.
Six young people are stranded and chased through the backwoods of West Virginia by three disfigured inbreds who are well trained with weapons and love to kill--a simple plot that reminds me of a cross between The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and The Hills Have Eyes. I remember seeing this in the theatre when it first came out and I later received it as a gift, and having just finished watching it again, I think I like it more than ever.
Don't go that way...
There is nothing outstanding about it--it is just a really solid horror movie, from the believable fear shown by the victims to the creepy silliness of the killers (one in particular) to some really cool death scenes to intense moments here and there. The cast, lead by Eliza Dushku (Dollhouse, Tru Calling) and Desmond Harrington (Ghost Ship, Dexter), is pretty strong here, and mercifully the weaker actors are killed off fairly early. This is just a fun, cool horror film with a nod to 70’s grindhouse. I recommend it.
Holidays is a 2016 horror/comedy anthology brought to us by new and fairly well-known directors, most notably Kevin Smith. Each installment is strongly to very loosely tied to a different holiday. Lets break this film down per segment, shall we?
Valentine's Day
We start off with a Valentine's Day segment, written and directed by Kevin Kolsch and Dennis Widmyer, the team that brought us Starry Eyes--this short is what would happen if that movie and Carrie could create a film love child. A girl with a crush on her swim coach is bullied by the team (one of the girls even dons the red ball cap and pigtails look from Carrie), gets her revenge on the main mean girl, and delivers her message of love to her coach in a most heart warming way. This segment was predictable, boring, and a pretty weak way to get things going.
St. Patrick's Day
Fittingly set in Ireland, the St. Patrick's Day segment sees a creepy girl (see above) giving her teacher a snake toy thing that is to bring her what she most wants--as it turns out, what the teacher most wants is to give birth, and after waking up in the back seat of a car after a long night out, she discovers dead snake skin, finds out she's pregnant with a reptile, decides to keep it, has a gestation period that lasts over a year, and gives birth to a twenty-five foot long snake with a pompadour hairstyle...it's even worse than it sounds.
Easter
After the first two segments, both disappointing and terribly unsuccessful at delivering horror or comedy, we are smacked square in the jaw with the Easter segment. Directed by Nicholas McCarthy (The Pact), this short finds a young girl in bed asking her mother about Jesus Christ and the Easter Bunny. Her mom explains the story of both, concluding that she must be sleeping when the bunny arrives because no child has ever seen him. The girl wakes in the night for a glass of water and comes across the bunny, who looks like a grotesque combination of a bunny and Jesus. Ever wonder how the Easter Bunny delivers the chicks? You'll find your answers here. The few moments this hero to children is on the screen are some of the most visually terrifying moments in horror history--it almost had my girlfriend in tears. Without spoiling what lies ahead in this review I will tell you this was the best, most memorable segment in the movie.
Mother's Day
A woman gets pregnant every time she has sex. After having about twenty abortions, she decides she may actually give birth this time and travels to see a coven of witches at a desolate location in the desert. Relative newcomer Sarah Adina Smith directed this snooze fest that will likely only be remembered as the segment with the most nudity and its final scene (I'll save you time--see the picture above).
Father's Day
Another newcomer, Anthony Scott Burns, brings us the story of a woman receiving an audio recording of her father, a man she has not seen in years and who she has assumed was dead. The recording gives her directions to where she can go to find him--the place she last saw him as a child, at the moment he was recording the tape. This short has a very strong build up and the tension grows with each step along the way. The cinematography is wonderful here, but most unfortunately, the payoff is extremely disappointing.
Halloween
After inexplicably skipping over Independence Day, our most recognized director, Kevin Smith, brings us the Halloween segment. I'm a horror freak (obviously...I mean, I DO bring you this blog after all) so it kind of goes without saying that I love Halloween, so naturally this was the segment I most looked forward to--upon seeing the opening scene it becomes painfully clear Smith is directing this one, and my excitement level dropped considerably. Don't get me wrong--I was, at one time, quite a fan of Smith's--Clerks still stands as a classic, and Mallrats and Chasing Amy are still watchable, but over the years Smith started believing the hype surrounding him and everything he touches seems to get worse and worse--this segment might actually be the worst thing he has ever done (and yes, I have tried watching Comic Book Men). The story: a porn site owner treats his porn girls badly and they get revenge, knocking him out, inserting a sex toy wired to a car battery somewhere akin to the back of a Volkswagen, and sliding him a knife to use to chop off his tallywacker. Why doesn't he just use the knife to cut the cable connecting the battery? I'm guessing it's because Smith threw this disaster together so quickly that thought never crossed his mind. Want to make it worse? The acting from the girls is some of the worst you will see...well, ever. Not bad enough you say? How about the fact that this is part of a holiday themed anthology, and the most important holiday in a horror themed anthology, and the tie in to the holiday is one of the girls casually mentioning it's Halloween so they should have the night off...and they are watching a cartoon with witches in it. This is by far and away the worst segment in this film, and reinforces my belief that Kevin Smith may be the most overrated director of my time.
Christmas
After skipping over Thanksgiving (I guess Eli Roth was too busy), Scott Stewart (Legion) gets us back on track with this segment. UVU glasses are all the rage at Christmas, and a man (Seth Green) watches another man die in front of him so he can steal a pair of the glasses from him. The UVU plays the thoughts, memories, and internet history of the person logged into it, and Green's character eventually finds that his wife's history may be even sicker than his own. While not fantastic, this one does deliver in bloodshed, and, compared to its competition, is one of the better segments of the movie.
New Year's Eve
Kolsch and Widmyer return to write the wrap up to this movie, a New Year's Eve segment directed by Adam Egypt Mortimer (Some Kind of Hate). We see a man shoot a woman in the head, then cut to another woman who sees the same man pop up as a recommendation on a dating site. They go out on New Year's Eve, and when she invites him back to her apartment, his intention is to add her to his list of victims, but this one is more than ready for him. After a slow middle to the segment, this one turns it up to eleven and brings the gore and madness. This is a well done segment and strong closer to this film.
Holidays will never make it on the list of best horror anthologies--"Easter" and "New Year's Eve" make it almost worth your time to watch this movie, while "Christmas" and "Father's Day" are enjoyable. The remaining four segments range from boring to dreadfully bad--should you decide to watch this movie do yourself a favor and skip right past them.
A virus has spread across the world, and it's bringing the dead back to life. A group of survivors take shelter in a shopping mall, but how long can they survive there? Find out in Dawn of the Dead, the 2004 remake of the 1978 George A. Romero classic. The early 2000s were an interesting time in the zombie horror subgenre--it witnessed a rebirth of sorts through a combination of fantastic originals (28 Days Later), side-splitting comedy/horror hybrids (Shaun of the Dead), and wonderful remakes, and when it comes to remakes, few can hold a candle to this film. The movie starts off with one of the most intense, fast-paced sequences you will see--we get tons of blood, gore, car crashes, explosions, our introduction to the zombies, and absolute hell breaking loose--all before the opening credits!
She likes her meat rare
The movie grabs you from the start and doesn't let go--the pace remains fast, the blood continues to fly, and the zombies continue to come. If you're a fan of the original (and other Romero work for that matter) you will delight in the multiple references to this movie's predecessors, not the least of which is cameos from both Tom Savini and Ken Foree. There are many characters in this film, and almost all are actually likable, making some of the deaths hard to handle.
You're welcome guys
The acting is surprisingly good as well--Sarah Polley is a sympathetic lead (though one may wonder why she got over her husband so quickly), Tim Roth doppelganger Jake Weber does a wonderful job as the brains of the outfit, the vastly underrated Michael Kelly steals the show as reluctant hero CJ, and Ving Rhames is...well, Ving Rhames, so he just naturally brings the awesomeness. Fans of the television show Modern Family will be excited and perhaps even stunned to see Ty Burrell make an appearance as Steve, arguably the biggest jerk in recent horror.
Phil Zomphy
Burrell does such a good job making you hate his character that for the longest time, while watching Modern Family, I couldn't see him as Phil--I could only see him as Steve and thought it weird he was playing such a goofball on this TV show. Unfortunately, this isn't a perfect film--after all, Mekhi Phifer is in it, so that costs the film at least one point right off the bat. There is a montage in the middle of the film set to some lounge version of Disturbed's Down With The Sickness that is painfully out of place, and the baby scene is as unnecessary as the bare asses scene in The Wiz. If not for these three things director Zack Snyder may have delivered a flawless horror film in his major motion picture debut--still, Dawn of the Dead sits near the top of its genre and is a must-see.
Scientists in Japan attempt to create an artificial black hole to zap Godzilla away into space--unfortunately, during testing they unleash a whole new terror. This 2000 entry into the Godzilla legacy starts off very strong--we get the back story of Godzilla's original attack on Tokyo, re-created using the current rubber suit. We see how Japan has attempted to rebound, and we get Godzilla's most recent attack, a 1996 smashing that left many dead and one woman, Kiriko Tsujimori (Misato Tanaka), with a thirst for revenge. The first half hour of this movie offers up more Godzilla action than many other movies in the franchise do for the entire film, so right off the bat there's a lot to like about this movie. Godzilla himself looks cool, and the destruction is very much a throwback.
This guy's on fire!
The big guy's opposition in this outing comes by the hundreds in the form of dragonfly-esque Meganula...
All in all you're just another bug on the wall
...and their queen, Megaguirus.
And a lovely queen she is
So far so good, but then it just falls apart. The plan is to destroy Godzilla with a black hole--think about that for a moment...got it? What do we know about black holes? Take time to Google it real quick...go ahead, I'll wait.......Back with me? Okay, good. Lets try to get past that (if we can). Unlike the classic Godzilla films we all grew up with, this film relies heavily on CGI, and if you're picturing something akin to Avatar, think again.
It gets even worse than this...I'm not kidding
Another thing that sucks the enjoyment out of this film is the dubbing--I'm not sure where they got the dubbing "talent" from, but I have a vision of a sign that reads "The Simone Adamley and Jeff Spicoli School of Voice Acting". If you can sit through all this awfulness you will actually be treated to a decent final battle, but alas, it is quickly ruined by what follows...seriously, A BLACK HOLE?!?!
On A Scale Of One To Ten: 5
Godzilla vs. Megaguirus Movie Trailer. It's in Japanese, but it sounds better than the dubbed version, so why not. There's also an interesting commercial after it.
