Thursday, October 8, 2020

WALK OF THE DEAD (aka Vengeance of the Zombies, aka La rebelión de las muertas, aka...)

Walk of the Dead (Vengeance of the Zombies) Movie Review

A brainwashing weirdo (Spanish b-horror legend Paul Naschy) brings back recently murdered women to form an army of zombies.

Here are a few now

 Fun fact right out of the gate: the female lead is played by a woman named Romy...no last name. Just Romy. Here's another fun fact: this 1973 film was released under at least 17 different titles. It was originally released in its native Spain as La rebelión de las muertas. Here in the States, its premiere title was Vengeance of the Female Zombies, it was dubbed as Vengeance of the Zombies, and was reissued as Walk of the Dead (the title it carried when I caught it on Tubi). I can't speak for any other version, but the presentation of the one on Tubi is wonderful--with all the skips, pops, buzzes, and scratches, you can almost get the feel you are in a 1970's drive in theater or grindhouse and can practically hear the projector running. As one may expect, this movie is filled with weird stuff. There's zombies, voodoo, sacrifices, and a bizarre dream sequence that features Satan himself (also Paul Naschy)

There's too much going on here

Honestly, it's kind of hard to keep up with this movie because 1) the dubbing is suspicious and 2) the lack of direction is staggering. The dialogue is mind-numbing, so honestly, if you decide to search this movie out, just forget the story entirely and enjoy the presentation. Aside from the film's about to fly off the projector presentation, there's still more to love about the visuals here--the movie is bloody, and this is pulled off brilliantly. You'll know when this is coming too, and this is one of my favorite things about this movie--before anything gory happens, there is a horn sound and a graphic that reads "Shock Notice", but most of the time you can't see all the letters. This will flash and sound for a few seconds before going away, and the movie picking back up right where it left off. 

I can't make this stuff up

The visual awesomeness doesn't stop there, however. Believe it or not, there are some scenes that are absolutely terrifying and may have you turning the lights on. There is some unintentional hilarity as well, as technically speaking, the movie does have its shortcomings--the woman rolling over on the bed and practically taking out the camera was fantastic. Most unfortunate is that for a movie that is so out there, the end is as dull as possible, leaving the viewer frustrated and disappointed. That aside, this was a really fun, odd movie. If you're looking for something out of the ordinary to watch in the middle of the night or around Halloween, give this one a shot. 

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 6

Walk of the Dead (Vengeance of the Zombies) Movie Trailer

Wednesday, October 7, 2020

WICKED LAKE

Wicked Lake Movie Review

A group of...I don't know if they are supposed to be demented or rednecks or just general degenerates...they're sort of a dime store version of the Sawyer/Hewitt family from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre...anyway, these idiots begin terrorizing a group of four chicks you may find at your local strip joint, but the hunters become the hunted when the women unleash a surprise. Right from the opening, you realize this movie had little to no budget, but we know that alone is not reason to give up on it; that said, you will not be surprised to find the acting is horrendous, the dialogue is mind-numbing, and the story is thin--so thin, in fact, you will find seemingly countless minutes filled with the aforementioned women getting naked and dancing, so I guess if hitting the strip clubs is your thing, you can skip getting the singles and pop this movie in. 

Better yet, pass up both and keep reading

Everything in this movie plays out precisely as you expect it to--I'm going to assume you will never watch this movie, but if you decide to, here comes a spoiler alert--this movie gives us a similar twist as one in the modern-day classic Trick 'r Treat, but everything about that was superior to what Wicked Lake presents, from the acting to the likability of the girls to the unpredictability to the special effects to...literally everything. The full moon seems to imply they are werewolves, but they drink blood as if they're vampires, and also make reference to being witches. If they said exactly what they are supposed to be, I missed it, but it really doesn't matter. 

They ain't got nothing on this pack

 Naturally, there are attempts at humor, and not a bit of it draws so much as a slight laugh. There are exactly two things about Wicked Lake that surprised me: Ministry front-man Al Jourgensen makes a brief appearance in this film and also did the music for it, and Angela Bettis (Carrie, May), one of my personal favorite horror actresses, makes a very quick cameo. How these two legends in their own fields got roped into this mess of a film is beyond me, but if you are a fan of either, and need to see/hear absolutely everything they have ever done, check out this movie...there's no other reason to watch it. If you do decide to torture yourself, however, I'll let you know there are some shots that play during the credits--you'll be shocked to hear these are of the four women dancing and being naked, but if you have ever cared to hear what it would sound like if Ministry covered "What a Wonderful World", you may want to check it out; also, half way through the credits we get a bonus scene featuring a gag that was beaten to death all throughout the movie...you won't care about this.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 3

Wicked Lake Movie Trailer

Sunday, October 4, 2020

MY BLOODY VALENTINE

My Bloody Valentine Movie Review

After an accident in a mine, a man is left to die while everybody goes to the town Valentine's Day dance. He returns, kills some locals, and vows to come back every year to kill more if the town continues having the dance. Twenty years later, the town youngsters determine this is all just an urban legend and decide to go forward with the dance...you can probably figure out the result of this decision. This classic was released during the Golden Age of slasher films (1981) and holds up much better than most similar movies from the same time. Sure, it steals borrows a lot from various films that came out before it, but there were seemingly thousands of movies that came out in the late 1970's and into the mid 1980's that did this...at least My Bloody Valentine did it well! As far as masks go, the killer in this movie would win a lot of votes for the coolest.

Pick him, or he'll pick you!

The acting and dialogue in this movie are bad, but in that strange 1980's way, which is actually quite enjoyable, so I have to give it points for this. The death scenes are presented as either gory or leaving it to the viewer's imagination, and surprisingly, but work equally well...the scenes with the hearts are particularly gruesome. You will spend much of the movie wondering if Harry Warden, the original killer, is back, or if this is the work of somebody else. The explanation near the end is one of the shortest flashback sequences you will ever see--seriously, don't blink. It's simple and cliche, but it works fine. The final reveal isn't one that will knock you off your feet, but you may give it a nod of approval. No, My Bloody Valentine is not a perfect horror film, but it sure is a bloody fun one, and one that should be on your watch list. 

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

My Bloody Valentine Movie Trailer

GROTESQUE

Grotesque Movie Review

Lisa (Linda Blair, The Exorcist) takes her friend Kathy (Donna Wilkes) to visit her parents. Along the way they come across some punks who soon show up at the house to kill and rob everybody. If you ever watched The Exorcist and wondered whatever happened to that young girl who seemed to be destined for stardom, well...this movie pretty much defines what would lie ahead for Blair; low-budget horror films with little to no notoriety. Interestingly, Blair seems to have accepted this fate by 1988, when this one was released, as she doubles as a producer for the film. I love seeing how 1980's movies portrayed punk rockers--they are almost always evil, of low intelligence, and generally act like they are out of their minds. 

Or have done a line of the best cocaine 1988 had to offer

Grotesque is a film that never quite gains traction, but that is likely because it seems to have no direction at all. We see this movie go from a home invasion film, to a slasher, to a monster movie, to a revenge flick--it's as if the makers of the magic couldn't agree on a horror sub-genre and said screw it, we'll cover them all! Unfortunately, none are done particularly well, but the quick changes will leave you oddly locked into the movie. The acting is bad, the dialogue is dull, and the suspense is nonexistent. From a technical standpoint, there's nothing worth mentioning in any positive light at all. However, when you stick with this film (and you will stick with it), you will be treated to a double twist ending that will both catch you off guard and impress you...before going far too deeply into the rabbit hole and making you throw your hands up in the air. The last five or ten minutes of this movie saw it go from about a 3 to a 6 and back to its final resting spot...

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 5

Grotesque Movie Trailer

Saturday, October 3, 2020

PHENOMENA (aka Creepers)

Phenomena Movie Review

A serial killer is on the loose near an all-girls school in Switzerland. What the killer doesn't know, however, is one of the girls, Jennifer (Jennifer Connelly in her first leading role), is on his trail...and she has a psychic connection with insects. This is one of those movies I remember seeing in video stores back in the day--I always thought the cover looked cool, but I don't think I ever actually rented it back then. 

It looked a little something like this

This 1985 film is likely most known for being one that was offered to the world by noted Italian director Dario Argento (Suspiria), and for coming on the tail-end of the "girls with telekinetic/psychic abilities" craze (think Carrie or Jennifer). Our friend Donald Pleasence of Halloween fame stops by to play Professor John McGregor, an entomologist who helps Jennifer along. He also has a chimp friend that seems way out of place in this movie--speaking of that, there is a lot about this movie that feels really disjointed. Aregento was certainly painting with a very wide brush with this one, going from a decapitation to psychic abilities to a chimpanzee to slasher to deformed child to bullies--picture the aforementioned Carrie meets Friday the 13th meets Every Which Way But Loose. If you are wondering about Phenomena and Creepers, let me clear the air--the movie was released in its native Italy as Phenomena. When it was distributed in the United States, about twenty minutes were cut and the title was changed to Creepers (providing the cover I remember seeing in the video stores). For the record, this review is being written after watching the original version of the film.

"Oh...yeah, nobody cares"

The soundtrack is an interesting one, blending heavy metal with goth with new wave with more traditional, orchestral music--this sounds better than it actually is. Connelly turns in an impressive performance. Argento adds some nice direction, along with plenty of suspense, so there is enough here to keep you engaged. The final scene has a moment that may catch you off guard, but that blasted chimp just has to show up once more to ruin it. While certainly no legendary entry in the realm of horror films, Phenomena is one worth checking out. 

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 6

Phenomena Movie Trailer

Monday, September 28, 2020

OASIS OF THE ZOMBIES

Oasis of the Zombies Movie Review

A group of treasure hunters come across a bunch of Nazi Zombies who are cursed to protect Nazi gold for eternity...or something. This 1982 French movie may remind some of a 1981 French film called Zombie Lake, and there are good reasons for this--aside from both revolving around Nazi zombies and being French, the films shared many of the same crew members, both were brought to us by EurocinĆ©, a company infamous for their movies of questionable merits. Both have zombies that look like they were crafted by middle school children, and "legendary" director Jess Franco was connected to both--he declined the 1981 to direct this one, and was apparently so ashamed of this movie he used an alias for it (A.M. Frank). To put this info perspective, Franco was primarily known for directing "horror" films that were little more than sexploitation flicks before finally just switching to porn films, and then coming back to the horror genre with this "gem" and similar others. If you are familiar with Franco, and you're expecting Lina Romay to be in this movie, I'm sorry to disappoint. 

But here's a picture of her to make up for it

There is a huge difference between these French films--while both are technical disasters, Zombie Lake is at least somewhat entertaining--Oasis of the Zombies is an absolute bore. It starts off well enough, with two women coming across the zombies. From there, it falls apart. There's lots of gun fights. Then more gun fights. This is followed up with more gun fights. There's lot of nonsensical dialogue. An occasional zombie or naked chick is thrown in to try to keep your attention. Then more gun fights and talking about nothing important. The zombies are a strange bunch--aside from being Nazis, they are also apparently scared of the sun (part vampire?). The final scene is likely the best part of the film, and manages to build tension for just a few seconds before the zombies...vanish? With so many good zombie movies out there, and even ones that are not as much good as they are watchable, there is no reason to spend time with Oasis of the Zombies

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 3

Oasis of the Zombies Movie Trailer

Saturday, September 26, 2020

#ALIVE

#Alive Movie Review

Oh Joon-woo (Yoo Ah-in) is trapped in his apartment as a deadly virus spreads outside, turning mild-mannered folks into zombies. With no family, minimal contact with the outside world, and little food and water, Oh Joon-woo must figure out how to survive. This 2020 South Korean film mixes plenty of drama with the horror, but it does have the pedal to the metal pretty much right from the start. If you are a fan of zombie movies, you will easily recognize elements of different films from the genre in this one--from Shaun of the Dead to Dawn of the Dead to 28 Days Later to World War Z, it seems writer and director Il Cho took some of the best parts of these films, threw them into a pot, stirred them all up, dumped them out, and #Alive was the result...and the result was actually pretty good! Ah-in makes for a likable lead, and the inevitable woman he comes across (Shin-Hye Park, and don't look at me like that for having a spoiler. We know it's only a matter of time before he comes across a woman/potential love interest) is equally impressive. Then we have the zombies...

Stand down. I'll be nice.

The zombies look cool--they're not as gory as some we have seen in other films, but their look and especially movements make them frightening. Speaking of gore, it is surprisingly minimal here. Instead of seeing intestines thrown about, we are presented with an approach that leaves much of the horror to the viewer's imagination, and while this can be a bore in some movies, the approach absolutely works in this one. If you allow yourself to be wrapped up in this film, you will find some moments to be genuinely scary. Unfortunately, some of the directing and editing decisions will take you right out of the movie. The shots when there is a camera strapped to the actor are brutally bad, there are too many jump cuts, and, worst of all, we get slow motion during a very tense scene. The closing moments deflate the balloon somewhat--you know what is about to happen, but you wonder if it will be a nod to 28 Weeks Later or Back to the Future Part II (I won't spoil this part). Even with these shortcomings, #Alive is a very good zombie movie, and certainly one I recommend checking out. 

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

#Alive Movie Trailer