Because nobody likes spending an hour reading a movie review, I bring you Quick Horror Movie Reviews, a site offering to the point reviews of horror films from a guy who has seen thousands of them. From the classics to the hidden gems, the slashers to the creatures, the multi-million dollar blockbusters to the direct to video awfulness, it's all here! Read, enjoy, and for the best experience, go old school and view the desktop version!
A mysterious creature is terrorizing a small Canadian town, and when sisters Ginger (Katharine Isabelle, Freddy Vs. Jason) and Brigitte (Emily Perkins), two weirdos obsessed with death, come across it, their lives become much more interesting. This early 21st Century werewolf film is one that has divided horror fans since its release--I have known many people who love it, many who hate it, and sprinkled in here and there are those who think it's just okay. Furthering this gap is most of the guys I know dislike it, and the majority of the fans I have come across have been women. If you find this odd, you've probably never seen this movie--I'll just say a lot of this film has to do with something about women that most men cringe to think or talk about, and that not all the blood we see is from bites. Fellas, if this is your hangup with this movie, I encourage you to get past it--I even dare you to try to put yourself in the shoes of these girls and imagine how horrifying everything in this movie must have been for them.
"We'll let this one live"
Now that we have that out of the way, I'll say I have always been a casual fan of this film--it's not what I would consider one of my all-time favorites, but it is one that I have watched several times. Isabelle is wicked as Ginger, and Perkins is almost as good as Brigitte, the more shy, awkward sister. There's a decent supporting cast here too, including Kris Lemche of Final Destination 3 fame, and Mimi Rogers, who sort of steals the show as the mother of the sisters. The bloodshed is plenty, and you have to love that the director skipped CGI and made the werewolves the old-fashioned way. There's also more than a fair amount of dark comedy in this movie--at times this adds to the charm of the film, but more often it just distracts from it. The movie does run a bit long, and while the ending is built up wonderfully, it doesn't quite pack the punch you are expecting. Still, with so many bad werewolf movies out there, you could do a lot worse than Ginger Snaps.
Giant monsters—some evil, some not—are unleashed and do battle around the world. That is the part of this story that attracts fans of the genre, so really, not much else is needed, but we do get much more in this 2019 big screen blockbuster. The plot revolves around the idea of a group of radicals wanting to unleash all the giants monsters that have been hiding out underground so they can eliminate humanity and take the planet back. Of course, we have the good guys fighting this idea, and they enlist the help of Godzilla to stop the other monsters (or Titans, as they are called here), namely King Ghidorah (aka Monster Zero), the three headed terror we all know and love. If that level of awesomeness isn’t enough, we also have Mothra and Rodan in this one, rounding out the fearsome foursome from the original Toho films.
Rodan
Mothra
Ghidorah
Godzilla
This being an American film in the year 2019, we know the monsters will not be guys in rubber suits anymore, which kind of makes me sad—I am not a fan of CGI at all, but I have to admit, they did an incredible job with the monsters here. They are all terrifying, and all hold true to the originals while adding some extra coolness. I was a bit apprehensive about how they would look, but I was truly impressed by all of them. Literally the only change I would have made about any of them would have been giving Godzilla a longer neck to look more like the traditional monster, but otherwise, they all look amazing. There were times during this movie--especially when some of the monsters were first revealed--that I was so happy and excited I almost jumped out of my seat. I wondered if we would see the Shobijin, Mothra's twin fairies-- we don't, but the small beauties are at least hinted at--Dr. Chen (Ziyi Zhang) tells the story of Mothra and shows a photo of twins from a picture titled "Infant Island, 1961"--I had told myself that Chen was as close to the twins as we would get in this film, but I really smiled when Zhang appears again as Dr. Ling, seriously hinting at Ling being Chen's twin sister. Speaking of the acting, it is actually, for the most part, pretty good in this movie, and you will recognize several people--Vera Farmiga (The Conjuring, Orphan) and Millie Bobby Brown (Stranger Things) play mother and daughter Russell and both turn in the performances you would expect from them. Ken Watanabe (Inception) and Sally Hawkins (The Shape of Water) return from Godzilla, and Bradley Whitford (The Cabin In The Woods) and Charles Dance (Game of Thrones) are added, so there is no lack of good acting in this movie; on the flip side, Kyle Chandler as Mark, the father/husband in the Russell family, is awful. A performance such as the one he turned in is bad enough on its own, but it really sticks out when surrounded by so much better acting. This can, however, be overlooked, as we don't really watch these movies for the acting--when it is good, it's just an added bonus. Adding another layer to this film is the plot itself--it calls into question who should be the dominant force on this planet, and if humans are the worst thing to happen to Earth--I know where my vote lies.
I'd snap at least twice
I cannot say enough how much I loved this movie. As I mentioned, I did see this in the theatre, so if it's still playing as you're reading this, I recommend watching it on the big screen--it's worth the extra money to do so. I was excited when I read fellow Columbus, Ohio native Michael Dougherty (Trick 'r Treat) was writing and directing this film, and the excitement was well founded. Dougherty pulled off something that is not easy to do when tampering with old favorites--he stayed true to the original films and brought elements of what we loved from them while adding new wrinkles to the story, combining everything perfectly. Godzilla: King of the Monsters could have used a better actor in the role of Mark, and I would have loved to have seen more cities destroyed, but just about everything else about this film is spectacular. In case you're wondering, yes, King Kong and Skull Island are both mentioned in this movie, and the post-credits scene hints at what we may see in next year's Godzilla vs. Kong--I can't wait.
Television reporter Angela (Manuela Velasco) and her cameraman are documenting the local fire station when they get a call to go to an apartment building to help a woman get out of her unit; when they arrive, however, they find there is more going on than they expected. Spain brings us this 2007 flick that combines two horror elements—zombies and found footage—and cranks both all the way up to eleven. When I say zombies, it may not be quite what you are picturing. These are of the more fast-moving, rage virus variety, ala 28 Days Later, and the infected change quickly. The dilemma here is everybody is trapped inside the building—police, military, and other powerful government types have sealed off the building, leaving the people inside quarantined.
She likes what I did there
Once the outbreak begins to spread, the film becomes truly terrifying. The action is pretty much nonstop from the time of the first death, keeping you glued to the screen.The blood flies, so if you are not into gore, you may not want to watch this one. Speaking of pieces of a film that may turn off the viewer, be warned this one also has subtitles and the found footage shakiness, but even if those are two things you can’t stand in a movie, still give this one a shot—when it comes to shaky shooting, it is much better done in this movie than in many similar to it. The movie plays upon many fears, not the least of which is of the dark--the final sequence in particular may make those with nyctophobia have a panic attack. Of note, the actors in this scene really were in the dark--both literally and figuratively--and had no idea what was happening in the room, thus their reactions are quite real--this is also used in a few other scenes in this movie, and the results are awesome. There really is not much not to like about [Rec]--it is not only one of the finer zombie films ever made, but one of the best horror flicks of the 21st Century.
A youngster named Billy (James Pickett) brings a group of chicks back to his house and kills them; however, due to a mental condition, he remembers none of it. Billy soon falls for another woman, but fears he will end up killing her as well. We start off getting to know the women Billy kills, and enough time is spent with them we expect them to be around for the entire film, so their deaths are pretty shocking...and bloody.
Hook'er?
After the initial bloodshed, this movie slows to a crawl...and it crawls for quite some time, as we see Billy go to the movies, to a night club, meet a girl, get to know her, tell his dad all about her...yeah, patience is a must here. To say this is a low-budget film is an understatement, and it screams grindhouse, so if this is not your thing, you'll likely not find much enjoyment in this movie. I have no idea if this film has been digitally restored, but the version I saw looks like a transfer from the original reel, which adds to the entertainment value for me. These grindhouse films are certainly an acquired taste, and I am a fan of them. The acting is bad, of course, but nothing is too terrible. If you can hang on through the middle portion of this film, and make it to the final ten minutes, you will be rewarded--this movie has a fantastic ending and a twist or two you may not see coming. If Three On A Meathook could have packed most of the movie with the excitement we get in the beginning and the end, it would be considered a horror classic--unfortunately, most of the film is just boring.
Six strangers find themselves playing an escape room game, but this one comes with deadly consequences. If you don't know what an escape room game is, you may have been living under a rock the past several years. The idea is a group of people are locked in a room (or series of rooms) and must find clues to escape within a certain amount of time. These games have become quite the craze and are popping up all over--my girlfriend and I are one for two in our conquests. Speaking of living under a rock, I may have been doing just that in January 2019, as that is when this film hit theaters and I have absolutely zero recollection of this. Watching the movie, I am actually somewhat surprised this one hit the big screen, as it kind of has that direct to video look and feel, but hey, it made money, so kudos for that. The movie starts by introducing some of the characters before they make it to the room, and we see them all end up with intricate boxes that are hard to open--a Hellraiser comparison would be more than fair.
Ask Pinhead for help
That won't be the only movie this one reminds you of. Years before escape rooms became a thing, there was this movie called Cube that got little attention upon its release but was a favorite among those who were aware of it--I remember picking up a used VHS of it at a local video store way back and becoming a fan as soon as I watched the movie. Anyway, Cube was essentially an escape room game with deadly consequences before escape room games, or movies based on escape room games, but with deadly consequences, existed. Escape Room even uses different colored lighting in each room, much the same way Cube did.
It feels like Orlando in August in here
The very end of the movie also heavily borrows from other films--if you are reminded simultaneously of Final Destination and Inception, you are not alone. Thievery aside, there is some stuff to like about this film. The idea that clues are placed along the way that these people were not chosen at random is kind of cool, and some of the rooms are very well thought out. The acting isn't horrible either, making the characters believable. The theatrical release is evident in one particular way--the language lacks much profanity, and there is little bloodshed--gotta get that PG-13 rating you know! The return to the scene of the crime was teased as the ending, and had they gone with this, the movie would have rated higher here, but after that scene the finale falls apart entirely. Escape Room certainly is not a bad movie; it's just one that lifts a lot of ideas from much better films, and isn't one that will ever be considered a classic (though the combination of the ending and the box-office success do hint at a possible franchise in the making).
People on a passenger train struggle to survive when a zombie outbreak occurs, and the infected make their way on board. That is the basic premise of this big budget 2016 South Korean movie that packs a punch right from the get-go, and keeps the momentum all the way to the end. The story revolves primarily around Seok-woo (Yoo Gong), a business man who spends little time with his daughter, Soo-an (Su-an Kim), but we also get to know many side characters as well--this is notable because the filmmakers pull off something quite difficult by making the viewer care about all of them. Trust me, loyal readers, when I say the human-interest story in this movie is just as effective as the zombies. Speaking of the zed word, they are of the fast-moving variety in this film, turn almost immediately, and are terrifying.
Things are about to get scary
The movements of the infected are as creepy as the look, and some scenes of them crawling and jumping on each other may remind you of World War Z, which is always a good thing. Some of the green screen shots are pretty rough, however--you can tell a good bit of money was spent on this movie (8.5 million dollars, in fact...thanks Google), so you wonder why some of these shots look so bad, but there is more than enough awesomeness to make up for it. Though some scenes are bloody, there's not a ton of gore with this one, which is fine, as the balance seems more than fair. I'll also throw out the same warning I do for all foreign films that are not dubbed--this one has subtitles, so if you have a hard time both watching the action and reading the words on the screen, you may want to avoid this movie--this point is doubled when considering just how good the dialogue is. The chaos all leads to an ending that is as good as the 110 minutes leading up to it--my girlfriend, who, after picking a series of less than impressive movies for us to watch, redeemed herself with this selection, was fighting back the tears. Train To Busan is, unquestionably, one of the better horror movies to come out in the past few years, and certainly ranks among the elite zombie films.
A new babysitter named Emelie terrorizes three children while their parents are out celebrating their anniversary...actually, terrorize is a little strong. It's actually more...she annoys them. She makes them watch a porn tape. She watches with them as the pet snake eats the pet rodent. She tells a bedtime story about a mom losing her kid and looking for another one (it may or may not be an autobiographical tale).
"No spoilers Josh"
This movie promises suspense and thrills, but fails to deliver either. The story switches from the home to the parents enjoying their celebration, and as nothing is happening at all with the parents, it becomes clear these scenes are nothing but filler. The acting is bad--Sarah Bolger (The Lazarus Effect) is a bore as the title character, and the kids, as kids tend to be, are irritating--the eldest son is such a brat I kept hoping Emelie would kill him, the daughter is just sort of there, and the youngest son speaks in a way that I had no idea what he was even saying--I finally asked my girlfriend midway through the film if she understood anything the kid was saying, and she replied "Not a word". Speaking of my girlfriend, she actually fell asleep during the climax of this film--that's how uninteresting it was. Emilie is a compactly uninspired film that brings nothing of note to the table. Skip this one.
