THE HIDEOUS SUN DEMON

The Hideous Sun Demon Movie Review

After being exposed to a radioactive isotope, Dr. McKenna (Robert Clarke, who also wrote, directed, and produced the film) develops an interesting condition-- he becomes a monster when he steps foot in the sun. You have to love these old science gone wrong movies, especially ones that explain how humans transform from a single cell organism to a fish to a reptile and finally to a mammal before being born. Clarke turns in his best Tommy Wiseau, not only in his roles as writing, director, producer, and lead, but also in his performance--Clarke temporarily breaks his wooden performance to deliver a "You're tearing me apart, Lisa" moment that is almost as memorable as Wiseau's. Working alongside Clarke is Patricia Manning, who turns in an acceptable performance as Ann, McKenna's assistant. Nan Peterson is also here, and that is notable for two reasons.

This movie being from 1958, you know the monster is likely going to look questionable, and boy, does he ever. If you were to tell me the mask that was used was picked up at the local five and dime, I would believe you. 

It may have cost a little more

The actual action is minimal, but you may delight in some of the sound effects, especially those of the guns. There are seemingly hundreds of fist fights, and they are so bad you'll roll your eyes. The dialogue leaves a lot to be desired, and the movie does drag at times, so you may find yourself mentally checking out, but if you stick with it, you will come across a few things to keep you going--my favorite is a movie mistake that is puzzling. At one point, you see Peterson's character talking and...something...move out of the shot. 

I'm going with alien

The final scene is a fun one, with a rather cool climax. There is a lot to sit through to get there, however. There's certainly much better, similar movies out there, but The Hideous Sun Demon does have its moments.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 5

The Hideous Sun Demon Movie Trailer

CHEERLEADER CAMP

Cheerleader Camp Movie Review

A group of cheerleaders at a summer camp are killed one by one. Ah yes, the simplicity of a 1980's camp slasher film--how I miss these! This one actually came out at the tail-end of the run of this sub-genre (1988), but for the most part, it has the look and feel of similar movies from the 1970's and early 1980's. The movie also looks and feels a lot like some of the 1980's beach comedies we all used to watch on USA's Up All Night back in the day (minus Rhonda Shear, sadly). There are even a couple familiar faces in this one--Buck Flower (Back to the Future, Pumpkinhead) plays a creepy dude. 1970's idol Leif Garrett (The Outsiders, Devil Times Five) plays the guy all the girls want. Teri Weigel, a personal favorite of my buddy Jeff back in our high school days (I still don't see it, man) pops in to play the, ahem, "friendly" girl. Finally, our lead girl is played by Betsy Russell, who you know as Jigsaw's wife in the Saw franchise. Not only did she surprise me by playing a likable lead, but seeing her pre-plastic was...weird.

This is her...I couldn't believe it either

This movie doesn't really bring a lot we haven't seen before, but that's okay, as I don't think anybody expects it to. As I referenced earlier, there is quite a bit of comedy in this; it's more than most similar movies have, but some of it is actually kind of funny, so we can excuse it. Most of the death scenes are standard 80's slasher stuff, with the possible exception of the scene with the hedge shears--that one is quite memorable. Overall, the acting is slightly better I expected it to be, though Weigel is dreadfully bad, and one gets the sense Garrett knew his star had all but burned out by this time. Lucinda Dickey, the star of my favorite movie title to say out loud (Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo), really steals the show as Cory, the bullied mascot. The movie is a bit of a whodunit, and the end offers a nice little twist. While Cheerleader Camp isn't a movie I would tell anybody to run out and find, if you do happen across it, I say give it a shot--I was pleasantly surprised by it. 

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 6

Cheerleader Camp Movie Trailer

OFFERINGS

Offerings Movie Review

A kid is pushed down a well, then ends up in a psychiatric hospital. Ten years later, he breaks out and returns to seek revenge on the kids who were mean to him. Practically everything you see happen from this point on is a direct ripoff of the horror classic Halloween--unfortunately, nothing at all in this movie approaches the awesomeness of that film. The acting is horrible. The directing is a nightmare. The dialogue is rubbish. The story is boring. There is a little blood, and special effects so bad they're amusing...that's really all there is to say about this movie (remember, this IS called QUICK horror movie reviews!)

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 3

Offerings Movie Trailer

BORDELLO DEATH TALES

Bordello Death Tales Movie Review

This is a low budget horror anthology, featuring three stories from three different directors, with the common element being a bordello run by Madame Raven (Natalie Milner).

The only thing more lacking than her facial expression is her personality

We start with "The Ripper", which tells the tale of a serial killer who picks the wrong prostitute to bring home. Filled with loads of horribly fake looking blood, repulsive strippers, and unfunny comedy, this is a rough way to start the movie. The acting is bad--actually, let me get this out of the way now--unless otherwise mentioned, assume all the acting in all three of the segments is bad. This story unfolds exactly as you picture it will when it starts, so don't expect anything surprising. The one really interesting thing about this outing is the animation used to help the story along--this is really well done, and is the best thing about the first story.

And he's the worst thing about it

The second segment, "Stitchgirl", is by far and away the best and most entertaining of the three. A bordello regular has requested a new girl be created from the remains of other dead girls. This oddity made me think "This is what it would look like if Tim Burton remade The Bride of Frankenstein". The black and white presentation is visually pleasing, Stitchgirl (Eleanor James) looks cool, and the carnival-esque full-color scene is trippy in all the best ways (and features some of the most English looking people you will ever see). The conclusion of this story is a letdown, but otherwise, it's a fun watch.

Don't blink!

Our conclusion, "Vice Day", finds a man watching a webcam stripper, and trying to control his emotions. This is honestly the weakest of the three segments--for as poor as "The Ripper" was, at least something was happening in it to keep your attention. "Vice Day", on the other hand, just sort of plods along, with bad acting, a boring story, and mind-numbing dialogue. If "Stitchgirl" got the ball of this movie rolling fast, "Vice Day" brought it to an immediate halt, and sent this film off with a whimper.

I considered this while watching this segment too

If you care enough, stay tuned for a post-credit scene--if you decide against this, however, you're not missing a lot. I recommend checking out "Stitchgirl", but there's not much else to see with this 2009 anthology.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 4

Bordello Death Tales Movie Trailer

SNUFF

Snuff Movie Review

There's an interesting story or two to this movie--not IN the movie, which is a train wreck, but more in the making of this film...or films, if you will. In 1971, married couple Michael and Roberta Findlay made a movie titled The Slaughter. This movie was basically a retelling of the Charles Manson Family's slaying of Sharon Tate, but shot in Argentina with a bunch of actors who couldn't speak English, so the movie was shot without sound and the voices dubbed...poorly...in post. The movie was (rightfully) shelved for four years. Producer Alan Shackleton, having caught wind of the urban legend of the existence of snuff films (a movie where an actual murder is committed specifically for the movie), took the 1971 film, added 10 minutes to the end of it, and renamed it Snuff. This story doesn't end there, however. Shackleton had the movie shown in a theatre in Times Square in Manhattan, hired a bunch of fake protesters to trump up excitement and controversy over the film, and made about $100,000 a week for the three weeks the movie played there.

"You with me so far?"

So the question has to be asked: was there ever any real reason to be concerned with this movie? The answer is a very hard no. After sitting through The Slaughter, itself holding little merit besides having that awesome early 1970's grindhouse look to it, we get the final 10 minutes, which is what was added on years later. In this scene, we see a movie crew, implying everything we just watched was, in fact, a movie, and all fake. We then see the crew attack and kill one of the actresses. It is this part of the film that is the alleged "snuff" portion, but it is so clearly fake I can't imagine anybody--straight, high, drunk, or otherwise--ever mistaking this for being a real murder. The special effects used in this part of the film are arguably worse than in the rest of the movie, and believe me when I tell you that's saying something. I credit Alan Shackleton for the success of his publicity stunt, but as movies go, there is really nothing to see here.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 3

Snuff Movie Trailer

DEMON WIND

Demon Wind Movie Review

Cory (Eric Larson) gathers up some friends to visit a farm he has inherited. Once there, they find a mysterious building, demons, dense fog, witchcraft, and some other bits of weirdness, It seems as though the creators of this 1990 movie just thought about a bunch of stuff they had seen in other horror flicks and decided to throw all of it into the same film to see what will stick. Aside from everything I have already mentioned, we also have really cheesy early-90's special effects. We have the gratuitous nudity scene. We have the flashbacks. We have not one, but two magicians, and one is even some sort of karate man. We have the "it was all a dream" bait and switch. There's a creepy kid. There's a creepy doll. We even have the old guy at the gas station who knows everything, warns the youngsters not to continue to their destination, but they ignore him and press on anyway. Honestly, I could go on all day. For as hard as they try with all of this, none of it really works (though there is a part of me that always delights in seeing the special effects from this era).

Awesome!

The gore is minimal, the demons pretty much all look the same, and the demon voices...oh God, the demon voices! If you can pull off a good demon voice naturally (which I can--it's one of my few worthless talents), it makes for a good addition to a horror movie. When you take somebody doing a poor demon voice, then further mess it up by distorting it, it can sound awful, and for the life of me, I can't think of a movie I have ever seen that had worse demon voices than this one. The voices are so garbled at times you really can't make out what the character is saying. There's nothing interesting at all pushing the story along, the acting is abysmal, the action is boring, and the comedic elements are not even mildly amusing. Near the end of the movie, one of the characters cries out "Is it over? Is it really over?" and I responded out loud "I hope so!"

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 3

Demon Wind Movie Trailer

ORGY OF THE DEAD

Orgy of the Dead Movie Review

A couple (Pat Barrington, in her final film role, and William Bates) find themselves in a graveyard where, one by one, several topless undead chicks dance for The Amazing Criswell and a dollar store Vampira (Fawn Silver). Bargain bin Wolf Man and The Mummy capture the couple and punish them by tying them up and making them watch the rest of the dancing. That’s it—that’s the entire story in this nudie cutie flick, but man, is there ever really so much more to it! The “story”, as it were, was written by Ed Wood of Plan 9 from Outer Space infamy—this alone makes it worth checking out! The dialogue is obscenely awful, but tragically limited, as at least 90 percent of the movie is the women dancing to largely dreadful music with occasional reaction shots from Criswell, Silver, the couple, and the moronic Wolf Man and Mummy, who are here for comic relief—naturally, their funniest moments are very unintentional. Sadly, Wood didn’t direct this gem—that job fell on Stephen C. Apostolof, who certainly made Wood proud with the cheap set, questionable shots, and especially the driving sequence, which switches from day to night frequently. The acting is...well, there’s not a lot of it, but Criswell is probably the best of the bunch, which speaks volumes to the ineptness of the rest.

"I predict he's about to make fun of you more"

Bates is so bad he’s outstanding, and Silver is just bad. Barrington pulls double duty, also appearing as one of the dancers (see if you can pick her out). Speaking of the dancers, they may be the most interesting element to this movie, and no, it’s not for the reasons you’re thinking. Each dancer has their own individual story, which is what their costume and dance are based on, so that is actually fairly cool. Let’s be honest—speaking strictly on a technical level, Orgy of the Dead is a horrendous movie; however, if you are into movies that are so bad they're good, you will love this one. I had a blast watching it, and really, isn’t that why we watch movies in the first place?

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

Orgy of the Dead Movie Trailer (Warning: This does contain nudity)