ZOMBIE STRIPPERS!

Zombie Strippers Movie Review 

The United States Government has released a virus turning people into zombies. A soldier becomes infected, stumbles into a strip club, and infects a stripper, who infects other strippers, turning them into, yes, zombie strippers. For as bad as the plot sounds, the movie is even worse. There are a couple moments here and there that are interesting but most of the film is stripper turns into zombie, dances, kills one of the clientele, turns another stripper into a zombie, she dances, kills somebody, etc. The dialogue is awful, the acting even worse (a few people may recognize singer Roxy Saint as one of the strippers), and the special effects are horrible (especially anything CGI). There are a couple death scenes that are mildly interesting, and Robert Englund (A Nightmare On Elm Street series) is pretty awesome as the greedy club owner, but as for anything else positive about this movie, not much can be said.

His reaction when offered this role?

I understand they were trying to make a comedic B-movie here. The problem is that it is not funny (at all) and instead of coming off as homage to B-movies, it is just a really bad movie--Englund deserves so much better. I can only recommend this movie for Englund’s performance, or if you are a fan of Saint and want to see her topless and looking like a zombie. Otherwise, skip it at all costs.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 3

Zombie Strippers Movie Trailer  

TOP OF THE FOOD CHAIN (aka INVASION!)

Invasion! Top Of The Food Chain Movie Review

Atomic scientist Dr. Lamonte (Campbell Scott, The Exorcism Of Emily Rose, Singles) goes to an isolated town for research. While there he meets some very strange people--some local, some not of this world. Soon, bodies start turning up as Lamonte and the people of the town try to figure out who, or what, is killing and eating the small town denizens. This sci-fi comedy is a spoof of alien/creature features of the 1950’s and it one of the quirkiest films I have ever seen. Scott is absolute gold as the clueless scientist, and Fiona Loewi gives a very strong performance as the dreamy Sandy Fawkes, a girl who falls for Lamonte. Honestly, you could throw everything else in this movie out and it would be worth watching just to see Scott and Loewi.

Our campy couple

However, there is plenty more to enjoy here, from a very witty and, at times, laugh out loud funny script, wonderfully cheesy special effects, and, of course, the aliens. This Canadian movie, known as Invasion! on the U.S. DVD, came out in 2000 and I hate that I never heard of it before now. If you get this movie and understand what they are doing with it (I did), and if you are a fan of 1950’s sci-fi movies (I am), you will probably love this film (as I did).

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 9

Top Of The Food Chain Movie Trailer

NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD

Night of the Living Dead Movie Review

A group of strangers come together in a small country home to try to fight off zombies. This George A Romero film is an absolute horror classic. This film was pretty ahead of its time, and you really feel that here, as there are some truly scary moments, the zombies look pretty cool, and there is quite a bit more gore than was typical for this time (1968).

Here they come

Also out of the ordinary is the fact that our hero, Ben (Duane Jones), is a black guy…

This black guy

...this simply did not happen during this time. The acting goes from pretty good (Judith O’Dea as Barbra) to really bad (Jones), but there is so much to love about this movie that it doesn’t matter. The end of the movie also brings quite a social question into play, something that would become a Romero trademark. This movie is a cult classic, and also a must see for all horror fans, especially zombie movie fans, as this is the one that started it all.

Just because

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 9

Night Of The Living Dead Movie Trailer

HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL

House On Haunted Hill Movie Review

A rich business man (horror legend Vincent Price) is having a haunted house party and offers complete strangers $10,000 each if they can spend an entire night in his house on--you guessed it--Haunted Hill. Many people know the remake of this film, but this is the original (1959), and in my opinion, better of the films. Price is as great as ever here and the supporting cast is pretty good as well, particularly the oft-disturbed Nora Manning (Carolyn Craig), who brings with her, aside from talented acting, quite a set of lungs.

For the Scream fans

This movie was in a few ways ahead of its time, with some pretty creepy moments and a few twists and turns. Of course it also has the terrible dialogue and, at times, drags out quite a bit; however, if you are one who is into much older horror films, this one is a must.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

House On Haunted Hill Movie Trailer

LEGION

Legion Movie Review

The angel Michael (Paul Bettany, Kiss Kiss (Bang Bang), Iron Man) comes to Earth to protect an unborn child, the key to the survival of humanity, from being killed by his fellow angels, who are following God’s orders to eliminate man from the world. The premise of this movie is nothing new (for a similar, and far better movie, check out The Prophecy), and little else in the film is either. This is actually a somewhat enjoyable movie for the most part, however, in spite of the largely poor acting (Dennis Quaid even phones this one in). There are some pretty cool scenes and special effects (yes, the ones shown in the television spots and trailers) and the build up is decent.

We're out of strawberry shortcake!

Then you get the final half hour, which is a complete disaster and very poorly executed. Seldom do I say the ending of a movie ruins the rest of it, but in this case, that is exactly what happens. If you must watch this film, I recommend turning it off just after the mother tells the daughter off and imagine to yourself how the rest of the movie will turn out…. whatever you think, it probably will not be as bad as what actually happens.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 5

Legion Movie Trailer

CREEP

Creep Movie Review

Kate (Franka Potente, Blow, House) is trapped in the London Underground overnight after falling asleep and being locked in. Now she is running from a killer mutant out for blood. This film is strange in that it felt sort of unique but also reminded me of a few other films—Midnight Meat Train and The Descent being the most obvious. It is a fairly decent movie with a bit of gore and suspense, but the movie really suffers in that the hero/victim, Kate, is not a likable character at all—which is not to say that Potente did a bad job of acting, it’s just that the character, as she was written, was not likable. Honestly I was waiting the entire movie for her to die.

She doesn't here

The only two characters even remotely likable in the film, in fact, are such small characters that you seldom see them. The mutant is very disturbing and scary looking, which can sometimes be hard to pull off, so credit has to go to the makeup department for that one, as well as the actor (Sean Harris of 24 Hour Party People), whose movements and behaviors added to the creepiness. There is nothing groundbreaking in this film but there is nothing too terribly bad either. It’s actually stronger than a 6 I think, but not quite a 7, and I don't give half stars, so….

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 6

Creep Movie Trailer

INCEPTION (From The Theatre)

Inception Movie Review

A group led by Cobb (Leonardo DiCaprio, What’s Eating Gilbert Grape, The Departed) is able to enter peoples’ dreams, planting ideas and stealing information from them. The group is hired by Japanese businessman Saito (Ken Watanabe, Batman Begins, The Last Samurai) to enter the dreams of a rival businessman (Cillian Murphy, 28 Days Later, Red Eye) to plant an idea that will help Saito’s business. Meanwhile, Cobb, who was accused of killing his wife, has trouble telling the difference between reality and the dream world as he struggles to clear his name and return to his kids in America.

Awake or asleep?

This film, from director Christopher Nolan (The Dark Knight, Memento), questions absolutely everything about reality and takes the viewer on a wild ride the entire time. The story is fantastic, the acting is incredible, and many of the views are breathtaking. It can be a lot to follow at times, but as long as you pay attention and have an open mind to what is going on, it is well worth it. This movie clocks in at just shy of two and a half hours, and I really did not want it to end (though when it does, it delivers one of the best endings one could possibly hope for). Other than possibly Tom Berenger, every actor in this movie fits perfectly with their character and everybody brings their A-game. This may be DiCaprio’s finest performance, and that is saying a lot. Joseph Gordon-Levitt (3rd Rock From The Sun, Killshot) may have found his real breakthrough role here, Ellen Page, who was nominated for an Oscar for Juno, delivers a much better performance here than she did in that movie, and Murphy shows a lot more depth than he ever has. I have zero complaints about this film and I walked out of the theatre thinking to myself that I just saw one of the greatest, if not THE greatest, movie ever made.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 10

Inception Movie Trailer