SLITHER

Slither Movie Review

A meteor hits Earth, bringing with it an alien slug that soon enters the body of Grant Grant (Michael Rooker of Mallrats and Cliffhanger). Grant then transforms into a constantly growing slug-like creature and soon many smaller slug creatures terrorize the town, entering the bodies of people and turning them all into zombies with the mind of Grant. Now it is up to the town’s sheriff (Nathan Fillion of Firefly), Grant’s wife (Elizabeth Banks, Spider-Man 1-3), the town’s drunken mayor (veteran television actor Gregg Henry) and a teen girl (Tania Saulnier) to save the day. It had been a couple years since I watched this and I forgot how much I liked it. This movie is an outstanding blend of comedy, gore, horror and creature features with many nods to classic monster movies.

Monster awesomeness

Henry is a riot as the mayor and Fillion, Banks and Rooker are wonderful in their roles. There are tons of classic lines here too. There are a few genuinely creepy scenes in the movie, particularly when the slugs get into the Strutemyer house and follow Kylie out to the truck. The little girls are actually pretty scary in that scene! Pam from The Office (Jenna Fischer) also has a brief but memorable appearance as a police dispatcher. My only real complaint with the movie is that some of the gross out scenes are, well, too gross for my liking. Otherwise this is a very fun movie that I recommend.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 8

Slither Movie Trailer

JOY RIDE 2: DEAD AHEAD

Joy Ride 2 Movie Review

Melissa and her fiancé Bobby, along with Melissa’s sister Kayla and her date Nik, are on their way to Las Vegas for a bachelor party. Along the way their car breaks down. They walk through the desert of Utah until they come to a house that has not been inhabited for a while. In the garage they find a car and take it, but not before leaving a note, with Melissa’s phone number, promising to return the car once they get help. The car's owner (if you’ve seen the first Joy Ride you know exactly who it is) kidnaps one of them and the remaining three must follow the kidnapper’s instructions if they hope to get their friend back.

Trouble's waiting

This sequel to the 2001 original has some pretty intense and interesting moments, notably the game towards the end, but ultimately suffers from very poor writing. Some of the stuff in the movie is simply inexpiable and so bad it's distracting. Nick Zano (The Final Destination) turns in the strongest performance as Bobby and Nicki Aycox (Jeepers Creepers 2, Dead Birds) does a good job as Melissa. On the other hand, Laura Jordan is pretty bad as Kayla and Kyle Schmid (A History Of Violence, The Covenant) is absolutely dreadful as Nik, the self-proclaimed “third wave emo punk”, coming off as somebody doing a really bad impersonation of Matthew Lillard. Being a fan of Joy Ride, I really WANTED to like this movie, and I did like some parts of it, but there is just so much ridiculousness here that took a lot away from the film. Still, with some pretty good scenes and some intense moments, it’s not a total loss, and I did enjoy it a bit.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 6

Joy Ride 2 Movie Trailer

SHADOW OF THE VAMPIRE

Shadow of the Vampire Movie Review

F.W. Murnau (John Malkovich) wants to make the ultimate vampire movie. He is denied the rights to Dracula, however, so he must change the title to Nosferatu, and the name of Dracula to Count Orlock (along with some other changes). He brings in the mysterious Max Schreck (Willem Defoe), an actor who always stays in character, to play the Count. Strange things start to happen around the movie as Schreck’s behavior gets more and more bizarre, but Murnau is determined to finish the movie no matter what it takes. It had been a few years since I watched this and I forgot how amazing the movie is. Defoe, who was nominated for an Academy Award for his performance, is outstanding as Schreck, and, Malkovich turns in one of his best performances.

Defoe bringing the creepy

Catherine McCormack's (Braveheart, 28 Weeks Later) performance as Greta is strong as well. The directing and the way this movie was shot are incredible. There is dark humor throughout the film, touching moments, and just plain creepy moments as well. The final scene is one of the greatest, most surreal scenes in film history. A note to all Twilight fans: This (and the actual film, Nosferatu) are what vampire films should be. I really cannot recommend this movie enough.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 9

Shadow of the Vampire Movie Trailer

CARRIE

 Carrie Movie Review

This is a 2002 T.V. Movie remake of the 1976 horror classic. First off I will say I am a fan of the original. When watching this remake it is kind of hard to compare it to the original for many reasons. First, it is a TV movie, so obviously it lacked budget and worked within many limitations as far as what they could and could not show and say. Also they bring the story to modern times (well, 2002 anyway), so it includes things like cell phones and the Internet. It does follow the basic story (Carrie gets picked on, crazy mother, guy she has crush on takes her to prom, the big moment at the end) but it also has enough original stuff to separate it from the 1976 classic. Angela Bettis is very strong as Carrie White. She brings a lot more personality to the character, a lot more crazy, but also more humor. She also makes the character a lot more likable, which actually makes you feel a lot worse for her.

It's about to hit the fan

Katharine Isabelle (Freddy vs Jason, Ginger Snaps series) and Chelan Simmons also put in good performances. Patricia Clarkson as Carrie’s mom is a bit odd as she reminded me a lot of Lillith from Frasier. The casting of the two main villains was awful, with the guy playing the bully looking like somebody who himself would be picked on and beat up on a regular basis. Another setback for this movie is the special effects towards the end. This is of course typical of made for television movies though, so you really shouldn't expect anything more. I have read that this is actually closer to the book than the original as well. There are some really fantastic scenes here, including an exchange between the school principal and a lawyer that resulted in me actually cheering out loud--classic. I would recommend this movie given that 1) you understand this is not going to be JUST LIKE the original and 2) you keep in mind this was a made for television movie.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

Carrie Movie Trailer

MASTERS OF HORROR: JENIFER

Masters of Horror: Jenifer Review

There will be several Masters of Horror reviews coming up soon. Masters of Horror was a series that ran on Showtime. Each episode was about an hour long and directed by, well, masters of horror.

Jenifer, directed by legendary Dario Argento, is the story of a cop (Steven Weber of Wings fame) saving a mentally challenged and disfigured woman from murder. He finds himself falling for her and her seductive ways, and soon finds out a disturbing secret about Jenifer.

Yikes

This is a pretty well made episode. Weber does a very good job as the cop and Jenifer is very frightening looking. This is a must see for any fan of the old Tales From The Crypt series, which I am.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

Masters of Horror: Jenifer Trailer

MASTERS OF HORROR: SICK GIRL

Masters of Horror: Sick Girl Movie Review

Lucky McKee brings us this love story. Entomologist (bug geek) lesbian Ida Teeter (Angela Bettis) comes home one day to find a package on her doorstep from somebody in Brazil. Inside is an odd bug she has never seen before. This bug soon becomes a large part of the life of Teeter and her new lover (horror/porn star Misty Mundae/Erin Brown). Honestly, I was a bit disappointed in this one. I am a big fan of Bettis (horror fans know her from Toolbox Murders, the TV remake of Carrie, May etc) but her talents can only carry this one so far. This is a boring story that is painfully slow at times, and a really annoying character (a guy Ida works with) really bring this one down. It does have a fair bit of gore and is a throwback of sorts to creature features, so it does have that going for it.

Something's bugging her

If you have an hour to kill, or if you are a fan of Bettis or Mudae/Brown, give it a look. If not, avoid it.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 5

Masters of Horror: Sick Girl Trailer

MASTERS OF HORROR: CIGARETTE BURNS

Masters of Horror: Cigarette Burns Movie Review

One of my favorite directors, John Carpenter, brings us this episode. A millionaire collector hires a movie theatre owner (Norman Reedus of Boondock Saints and The Messengers 2) to track down and purchase for him a copy of the film titled Le Fun du Monde, a movie shown publicly just once, and known for turning it's viewers in homicidal maniacs (think The Ring, except instead of dying you kill others-- or yourself).

Something is happening here

A very interesting plot evolves as the film moves. I liked this one a lot. Carpenter's directing is obvious here; there are tons of gruesome scenes, and a very strong performance by Reedus carry this one. Recommended to any horror fan.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 8

Masters Of Horror: Cigarette Burns Trailer