SCROOGED

Some may argue that this movie doesn't belong on a horror blog, but if I were in charge...and I am...here's the kind of thing I would do...

Scrooged Movie Review

In this 1988 telling of the Charles Dickens story A Christmas Carol, we see Frank Cross (Bill Murray), the often-angry, always mean President of television network IBC, visited by three ghosts. The network is running a live performance of the Dickens story on Christmas Eve, and the ghosts arrive on this day to show Cross the mistakes he has made and the results of his future actions. Okay, so this movie is almost straight up comedy, but I can justify putting it on here because there are ghosts, death, and a disturbing scene or two.

You see?

Our ghosts are an interesting bunch--we first meet Cross' former boss Lew Hayward (John Forsythe), as he appears in Frank's office to warn him of the visitors he's about to meet.

Lew paid for the women

Soon after, Frank meets the Ghost of Christmas Past (David Johansen of The New York Dolls, aka Buster Poindexter of the song my girlfriend often sings during the Florida summers) and gets a trip down memory lane.

via an NYC cab

It is here we meet Frank's lost love, Claire (Karen Allen of Raiders of the Lost Ark fame), and see perhaps the best sequence in the film--the couple falling in and out of love in the late 1960's and early 1970s. From there we get the Ghost of Christmas Present, played by Carol Kane (Simka from Taxi) and The Ghost of Christmas Future.

It's not a bright future

There are also a ton of fun cameos in this one, including...

Lee Majors

Buddy Hackett

Bill Murray's real life brothers...

Brian Doyle,

John, 

and Joel

We also get Mama Fratelli from The Goonies...

Anne Ramsey

...as well as Rebeca Arthur, aka Mary Anne from Perfect Strangers 

and her Christmas present for everybody

As if that wasn't enough, we also get, in their final public appearance, the acclaimed Solid Gold Dancers.

And possibly their nipples

This movie is laugh out loud funny, and is possibly my favorite Bill Murray role. There are a few shortcomings here--the end scene does seem to drag a bit, and as awesome as he can be in some movies, Bobcat Goldthwait (Shakes The Clown, God Bless America) seems very out of place as Eliot Loudermilk, an IBS employee Cross fires early in the film. After many years of watching Scrooged on VHS or Netflix, I got this on DVD for Christmas a couple years ago, and at one point in the film, subtitles randomly appear for a second, then disappear just as quickly, which is pretty awesome. Scrooged has been a Christmas tradition for my girlfriend and I for seven years now, and as much as anything to do with the holiday, I look forward to watching this movie.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 9

Scrooged Movie Review

STRANGER THINGS (Season 2)

Stranger Things Season 2 Review

WARNING: This review will contain a few Season 2 spoilers, and WILL contain many spoilers from Season 1, so if you have not seen that yet, you might want to check it out before continuing....okay, now that you've been warned, lets get on with this. Season 2 picks up just under a year after the end of Season 1--Will Byers (Noah Schnapp) is back, his mother Joyce (Winona Ryder) is almost normal again and dating Bob (Sean Astin), and Eleven (Millie Bobby Brown) has survived and is living with Chief Hopper (David Harbour). Of somewhat less importance: Jonathan Byers (Charlie Heaton) and Nancy Wheeler (Natalia Dyer) are getting closer as Nancy, apparently deciding Steve Harrington (Joe Keery) is just too nice these days, pulls away from her boyfriend; a fella named Sam Owens (Paul Reiser) is now running Hawkins Laboratory; Dustin (Gaten Matarazzo) now has his front teeth; there is a new girl, Dig Dug master Max (Sadie Sink), in the boys' group and her step-brother Billy (Dacre Montgomery) is the new high school bully and heartthrob, with a specific hatred for poor Steve.

And a wonderful head of hair

This season seems much more scattered than the first season, as we see the characters not only intertwine in different ways, but also see them sort of grow apart and branch out on their own (more on that soon). Eleven wanders off on her own to find her mother, and eventually her "sister", a chick from the opening scene of the first episode who we know immediately has some sort of connection to El. This girl, who is a bit older than Eleven, is tattooed 008, and heads her own group of troublemakers. 

Here they are now

After the initial scene, the group is practically forgotten about until, much later into the season, Eleven tracks them down, briefly joins them, then leaves soon after to head back to Hawkins.

Complete with a new wave makeover

For as much potential as this part of the story had, it ended up being fairly disappointing--there was a tremendous buildup to what ultimately lead to nothing terribly meaningful--this said, Kali, or 008, or Eight--whatever you want to call her--could lead her gang into Season 3, so we'll have to wait and see on that one. Another outstanding buildup that leaves the viewer disappointed is that of Billy and Max. It is heavily teased throughout the season that these two are not quite as they seem, but at the end of the day, we find Billy is a jerk because his father is a jerk (Henry Bowers anybody?) and Max is just a girl with a crush on Lucas (Caleb McLaughlin). Much like with Eight, I am holding out hope there is more to come from these two in season three. I also felt this season focused way too much on Dustin, a character most effective as a side kick, while featuring way too little of Joyce. All that out of the way, the stuff we loved from season one is still present here--the strong character development, the impressive acting (Harbour in particular really steps up his game), the 80s nostalgia (the boys dress as the Ghostbusters for Halloween and argue because none of them wanted to be poor Winston), the music (though not as good as in the first season), and whatever is happening in, and approaching from, the upside down.

Cloverfield? M.U.T.O.?

Going back to what I said about the characters branching out--the final season closes with the boys each dancing with a different girl, implying that, perhaps, the group is growing up and apart--it will certainly be interesting to see what direction this goes in when we get to the third season. While not quite on the level of the first season, the second season of Stranger Things does not disappoint--a third season is inevitable, and I cannot wait to see it, but a part of me hopes it is so good they end at three...there's nothing worse than seeing a good show die a slow, painful death, and Stranger Things deserves a better fate than that.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

Stranger Things Season 2 Trailer

FRIGHT NIGHT PART 2

Fright Night Part 2 Movie Review

Three years after killing vampire Jerry Dandridge, Charley Brewster (William Ragsdale) is in college, has upgraded his choice in women (now with Alex, played by Traci Lind ), and no longer believes in vampires--the problem is, Jerry's vampire sister Regine (Julie Carmen) and her band of misfits are in town and out for revenge. With Alex not believing in vampires, Evil Ed gone, and Amy...well, we're not quite sure what happened to Amy...there is only one person Charley can turn to for help...

Peter Vincent...Vampire Killer!

As is often the case, the sequel doesn't quite live up to the original, but there is still plenty to enjoy here. Roddy McDowall is once again spectacular in his portrayal of Peter Vincent, the on-screen vampire hunter turned real life--an very hesitant--vampire killer. Ragsdale turns in another decent performance as Charley, but the acting drops off considerably from there. The villains are an interesting crew--we have Regine, the leader,

Jerry's sis

Louie, the Evil Ed wannabe who looks like some strange cross between Top Dollar from The Crow and Michael Westen from Burn Notice,

Party on dude

Belle, the sometimes male, sometimes female, roller skating terror,

Belle on wheels

and Bozworth, the bug eating creep who looks like my old buddy Quasar from my younger days.

With that diet he ought to move to Florida

The basis of the story is somewhat uninspired, but there are some pretty unexpected twists and turns along the way. The horror isn't quite as scary, nor the comedy quite as funny, as in the first film, but this movie certainly has its moments. The makeup and special effects are a step down from the original film as well, but they are still decent for the time. The movie does run a bit long, but the rapid-fire death scenes toward the end make it all worth it. I had always liked Fright Night 2, and was thrilled when my girlfriend got it for me years ago, as it had been years before that since I had watched it--I was very happy to discover I still liked it quite a bit. The movie screams 80s horror awesomeness, and should be watched by any fan of that decade.

As a side note, the story of the movie after its theatrical release is also interesting: the distribution of the film was halted with the murder of Jose Menendez, the head of distribution, and the movie played to a limited number of theaters. While it was released on VHS the following year, it received a very limited DVD release in 2003 from Artisan, and has not been officially released on blu-ray. As a result of this, the Artisan DVD is highly collectible (I have one--thanks Sani!), and many, many illegal copies have been sold. So if you have this film on DVD that is not from Artisan, or you have a blu-ray of any sort, congratulations--you have yourself a bootleg. 

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

Fright Night Part 2 Movie Trailer

OPEN WATER 2: ADRIFT

Open Water 2: Adrift Movie Review

A group of six morons and a baby take a yacht out into an ocean, and amidst their horseplay, they all decide to go for a swim--actually, one girl didn't want to go in, but she was forced to against her will--that's not really important. It's not until they're in the water, however, that they realize nobody bothered to lower the ladder so they could climb back on.

"Damn! We're in a tight spot!"

Other than also featuring people stranded in the ocean, this movie doesn't really tie in to the original, overrated film, and unlike that movie, isn't really based on a true story, though it claims to be. It is kind of, sort of teased that, as in the original film, we may see sharks, but surprisingly, that doesn't happen; instead, we get a lot of attempting to get back on the boat, a lot of whining and blaming, a quick flurry of action that sees one character get stabbed, one die of exhaustion, and another, the one who looks like a young Jeff Brantley, hit his head on the bottom of the boat and suffer a skull fracture.

"Right. Down. Broadway."

Outside that fifteen minutes, and a little in the end, there's not much action in this film, but it certainly does a better job keeping your attention than Open Water does. Strangely, you may actually find yourself caring about a character or two along the way, something you certainly wouldn't expect after the first half hour of the film. The end, and subsequently, who survives, will surprise nobody. The dialogue switches from captivating to mind-numbing with unusual regularity, and the editing leaves a lot to be desired. While not exactly the movie you are expecting it to be, Open Water 2: Adrift has some interesting moments that keep it...ahem...floating in a sea of mediocre sequels. 

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 5

Open Water 2: Adrift Movie Trailer

30 DAYS OF NIGHT

30 Days Of Night Movie Review

The residents of Barrow, Alaska are preparing for 30 days of darkness--what better time for a tribe of vampires to pay a visit? That's the basic story of this 2007 horror flick based on a series of comic books. The film stars Josh Hartnett (The Faculty) and Melissa George (Triangle, The Amityville Horror), and both do a fine job in this one--in fact, the acting across the board is pretty solid in this movie. Ben Foster (X-Men: The Last Stand) is very memorable in his brief time in the film, and Danny Huston (The Number 23) is terrifying as the head vampire.

You've got red on you

This movie has a very dark feel about it--even without the vampires, the mood of a town suffering a month straight of darkness is somber as it is. Gorehounds will be very pleased with this film--once the vampires attack, the violence and bloodshed are unrelenting--the aerial shot of the town under attack is particularly awesome. Not only is the film bloody, the violent scenes are often so realistic looking they border on being disturbing. The vampires themselves actually look scary, and, in a nice touch, also speak their own language. The body count is high, and the movie moves at a great pace. The movie is visually stunning, adding to the viewing enjoyment. Unfortunately, for everything this movie has going for it, the ending is a tremendous letdown, preventing this from being among the all time great vampire flicks--that said, 30 Days of Night is still a very good horror movie, and is one I have watched at least a dozen times.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 8

30 Days Of Night Movie Trailer

TARANTULA

Tarantula Movie Review

Professor Gerald Deemer (Hitchcock film regular Leo G. Carroll) and his colleagues have devised a formula that rapidly increases the growth of animals, but when a tarantula escapes the lab, the results are deadly. I really love watching 1950s sci-fi monster movies, and this 1955 classic is no exception. Let's face it--as much as we love this genre, most of the films are filled with awful dialogue, bad acting, horrible directing--this can certainly add to the enjoyment of some of the films, but Tarantula separates itself from a lot of the pack by actually delivering competency in these areas as well. The acting across the board is actually good, the dialogue is smart, the story is interesting, and the film has a wonderful pace. The makeup and special effects are quite impressive as well, but fear not, monster movie fans--some of the visuals and cheesiness we love are here too.

"..and then he said "Spider? I never even..."

The movie teases romance between our lead, Dr. Matt Hastings (husband of Shirley Temple and regular John Wayne sidekick), and understudy Stephanie Clayton (former Playboy model Mara Corday), but that really goes nowhere. It also...oh, you want to see Corday? Well, if you insist...

You're welcome

Tarantula is also known for the very brief appearance of a young Clint Eastwood, in an uncredited role.

"Get off my desert floor"

The 1950s produced dozens and dozens of giant, mutant insect and creature movies, but few are as good as Tarantula. While it falls short of what I would consider a "great" movie, if you are a fan of this genre, it should be considered a must-see.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

Tarantula Movie Trailer

KISS OF THE TARANTULA

Kiss of the Tarantula Movie Review

After learning her mother and uncle plan on killing her father so they can be together, creepy, spider-loving little girl Susan uses a tarantula to kill her mom. We flash forward a few years and see Susan is now in high school, still loves spiders, and is picked on by several people from school and around town--I'll let you guess what happens to them.

"Want to hold my friend?"

This movie came out during the mid-seventies, and was one of several movies of that decade that revolved around loner weirdos with some connection to animals, which they use to exact revenge--Jennifer and Stanley are two other good examples, and I am realizing now I have yet to review Jennifer--stay tuned. While certainly tame for a horror film (it is rated PG, though would likely get a PG-13 these days), it does have some pretty horrific moments and a small bit of gore. The music is pretty good in this one, helping to set an unsettling mood throughout. Suzanna Ling does a good job as the teenage Susan, and I was surprised to learn this was the only movie she ever appeared in. The rest of the acting is pretty rough, and the pace does slow down incredibly, making it seem longer than its 91 minutes run time. The dialogue is really bad here too, and the directing is awful, but the story itself is interesting enough to keep you hooked. Stick with it--you'll love what happens to the creeper uncle in the end. I wasn't expecting much out of this movie, but Kiss Of the Tarantula turned out a little better than I thought it would be. I give this one a mild recommendation in general, and a must-see if you are into the films I mentioned earlier.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 6

Kiss of the Tarantula Movie Trailer

CUBE ZERO

Cube Zero Movie Review

In this prequel to Cube, we see the men responsible for the cube as we simultaneously see the latest group of people go room to room in their attempt to escape. The third, and to date, final, movie of the franchise attempts to answer some of the questions left open by the other two films, while also presenting new ideas and concepts--this is a tricky endeavor in prequels, and unfortunately, this film does not pull this off well at all. As this is a prequel, one would expect the rooms to look just like they do in the first film--they don't. In fact, the rooms look very different here. Cube 2 is completely ignored (thank goodness), which means all the parallel universes and other such nonsense is out, the CGI is an improvement from that film, and this is probably the goriest of the three movies.

"I'm melting...melting!"

You know the type of characters to expect, and it's obvious from early in the film that behind the scenes man Eric (Zachary Bennett) will eventually enter the cube to help Rains (Stephanie Moore) attempt to escape. While we don't get to see who the top man of the cube experiment is, we do see who is presumably the top man at the actual location of the cube and he's...well...

Eye don't have the words

This character, Jax, is so over-the-top, and actor Michael Riley hams it up so much, that it's really hard to take him seriously, and worse, after waiting three movies to see who is pulling the strings here, this reveal is a major let down. If that's not bad enough, the final scene is beyond absurd. While not as bad as the second installment of the franchise, Cube Zero still falls well short of its potential, and is a rather disappointing finale to the series. 

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 5

Cube Zero Movie Trailer

CUBE 2: HYPERCUBE

Cube 2: Hypercube Movie Review

Just as in the original Cube film, a group of strangers awaken in a square room with no memory how they got there. They must maneuver from room to room as they attempt to find their way out of this hyper-cube. Unlike in the original, all the rooms are white, and very few are actually booby trapped--and the ones that are are, well, uninteresting. This movie relies WAY too much on CGI, and unfortunately, the CGI is all pretty awful.

It doesn't get any better than this

The characters are almost carbon copies of the original film--the caring motherly type, the back-stabbing jerk, the math genius--you get the picture--and other than maybe Jerry (Neil Crone, It), they are pretty unlikable. The story becomes overly convoluted, as we discover the hyper-cube includes alternate universes and time distortions, among other ridiculousness. The rooms are far less interesting than in the original--it's as if the people making this movie were more interested in what they could do in post-production than actually presenting a decent film. Watch this movie if you are having a Cube marathon--otherwise, skip it.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 4

Cube 2: Hypercube Movie Trailer

CUBE

Cube Movie Review

A group of strangers awaken in a seemingly never-ending maze of rooms--some of which contain deadly booby traps. As they get to know each other and learn of each others' individual knowledge and strengths, they work together to figure out how to escape. This low-budget Canadian film from 1997 is incredibly original and somewhat ahead of its time. As a viewer, it's exciting watching the characters go from room to room and discover if the next room is a trap or not. The film is also visually pleasing, as each room is filled with a different, vibrant color.

Red room, red room

This movie leans more toward science fiction than horror, but there is a fair bit of blood and gore, none surpassing the opening sequence.

When he saw this room he should have split

The acting is hit or miss here--half the cast is pretty good, while the other half is really, really bad. The characters are not developed much, making it a bit challenging to care what happens to them--except Quentin--you WILL want to see him killed. Director Vincenzo Natali provides some very interesting camera angles--you will either love or hate this approach, and I personally think it is very effective. Cube is not a great movie by any stretch, but it's uniqueness, presentation, and variety of rooms are enough to make it a very enjoyable film.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

Cube Movie Trailer

THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (2003)

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Movie Review

A group of friends on their way to a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert seek help from the sheriff (R. Lee Ermey) of a small town after a hitchhiker they picked up kills herself—unfortunately for them, the sheriff is also the patriarch of a family of killers and lunatics. This 2003 version of the 1974 classic still stands out to me as one of the best horror movie remakes of the 21st Century. Because this movie is so different than the original, I will keep the comparisons to the original to a minimum here—I will say this outing is a lot bloodier than the original, not as scary, and much more slick—to that point, when you watch this movie, you have to understand two things: the original was a low-budget grindhouse film with no expectations of achieving any sort of huge commercial success (much less becoming the iconic film it is today), while the 2003 version had a much larger budget and was created for mainstream popularity and acceptance. It is important to keep that in mind while watching this movie, or, if you saw this one before the original, keep that in mind while viewing the 1974 film. Anyway, some of the more ominous themes of the original film are dropped here, but that doesn’t necessarily make this version any less intense. The actors do a decent job, and director Marcus Nispel and cinematographer Daniel Pearl do a fine job making us believe the events of this film are actually happening in 1973. Another nice touch to the film is bringing John Larroquette back to narrate the film, as he had done the original. The story itself, of course, is a disturbing one, and some of the scenes are likely to leave you feeling a bit uneasy.

This scene certainly ruffled some feathers

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We know from the beginning which of the friends will be the one to make it to the end, so no surprises there, but after such a strong build up, the climax of the film feels a bit disappointing—still, the 2003 edition of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is a very enjoyable horror flick that, for better or worse, kicked off the trend of remaking classic horror movies that continues 14 years later.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 8

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Movie Trailer

THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (Original) (aka The Texas Chain Saw Massacre)

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Movie Review

Sally (Marilyn Burns) and her invalid brother Franklin (Paul A. Partian), along with a few friends, visit an abandoned house they had spent some time in as children--after encountering some strange people along the way, they eventually wander into a nearby house, which is the home of a masked, chainsaw-wielding killer.

THIS leatherfaced killer, to be exact

Director, producer, and co-writer Tobe Hooper made a huge splash with this low-budget 1974 horror film, which is far more suited for a local grindhouse or drive-in of the 1970s than any sort of mainstream theatre, but somehow broke through to a massive audiences and gave us one of the all-time great characters in horror history. Practically everything about this movie is unsettling, from the plot to the way it's shot to the music--everything comes together perfectly to tell a horrific tale. This landmark slasher film, which many consider one of the scariest movies ever made, is all the more impressive in that it manages to terrify the audience without actually showing much blood or violence. The acting is also very impressive here--Burns is really good as Sally, and Edwin Neal does such a good job as The Hitchhiker that you can't imagine him NOT being that insane in real life. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is considered one of the greatest horror movies ever made, a title it very much deserves--there is a lot to like about this movie, its shortcomings are very few, and it is basically a blueprint for tons of movies that would follow it.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 9

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Movie Trailer

IT (aka It: Chapter One) (2017) (From The Theatre)

It Movie Review

A group of teenagers must face their deepest fears in the form of Pennywise, a demented dancing clown who can project himself into the image of what most frightens the children. The kids must find a way to battle the clown, who, by the way, enjoys eating children and/or bringing them into his underground lair. This 2017 movie is based on the classic 1986 Stephen King novel, and is the second visual take on the book, the first being the 1990 television mini-series of the same name. I won't spend a ton of time comparing this film to either the novel (which I haven't read in forever) or the mini-series other than to say two things: the 2017 film can get away with a lot more than the television version could (it's rated R) and, whereas the mini-series jumped back and forth over the 27 year period that the novel spans, the 2017 film focuses exclusively on the Losers' Club as children, with a second film to come to cover 27 years later (due out in 2019).

Oh yeah, and Pennywise looks like this now

So you know how sometimes you see the news that Hollywood is remaking a horror favorite and you sigh, then you see the trailer and think "Okay, that doesn't look TOO bad", then the film shocks the world by getting rave reviews and smashing box office records and you think "Okay, maybe I will give this one a chance" and you walk into the theatre thinking "No way this is as good as everybody says" but then you watch it and as you walk out you say to yourself "Oh my God, it really IS as good as everybody says"? Yeah, that happened here. First and foremost, if you have not seen this movie, and it is still playing in the theatre as you are reading this, hurry to your local megaplex and see check it out...wait, finish reading this first, then go--this is a wonderful film to see on the big screen. Anyway, on to the movie--the scares are absolutely terrifying, the comedy is actually funny, the tension is strong, and, most surprising, the kids all do a fantastic job.

Losers' Club

To a person, every child actor in this movie nails their part, making the foul-mouthed characters likable and bringing believability to their friendship. Jaeden Lieberher is wonderful as Bill, the lead character, Sophia Lillis does a great job as Bev, and Jack Dylan Grazer (Brian's nephew) steals the show as Eddie, the hypochondriac who looks like me as a child and acts like my girlfriend as an adult. The movie makers are spot-on with the 1980s look and feel in this film, and the music matches it nicely as well--keep your eye on the walls in the kids' rooms for posters that scream 1980s. The cinematography is excellent, and though there is a bit too much CGI and a few too many jump scares for my taste, they are certainly not enough to ruin the film. I would not have imagined it when I first read this movie was being made, but It truly is one of the better horror movies to come out in quite some time.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 9

It Movie Trailer