Because nobody likes spending an hour reading a movie review, I bring you Quick Horror Movie Reviews, a site offering to the point reviews of horror films from a guy who has seen thousands of them. From the classics to the hidden gems, the slashers to the creatures, the multi-million dollar blockbusters to the direct to video awfulness, it's all here! Read, enjoy, and for the best experience, go old school and view the desktop version!
After the death of the mother/wife, a cannibalistic family moves on as they pass down to the eldest daughter the tradition of preparing supper. This is a very dark, depressing sort of film that benefits greatly from beautiful cinematography. The acting in this film is very good as well, particularly Julia Garner and Ambyr Childers as Rose and Iris, the daughters of the family.
The sisters
Bill Sage also does a good job as Frank, the father of the family. Kelly McGillis of Top Gun fame also makes an appearance, though if you've not seen her since the mid-80's, you likely won't recognize her. The movie does move at a slow pace at times, and I feel they could have cut about 10 minutes out. Another trap the film falls into is the stereotypical portrayal of a Christian family as a bunch of psychopaths--this is something you get used to seeing in films (especially horror films) but it's really over the top in this movie, to the point it is distracting. You may roll your eyes at this part of the movie, but it certainly is not enough to ruin everything. There are not a ton of death scenes here, but the ones that are tend to be bloody and somewhat disturbing in the realistic look of one or two of them. The ending is a jaw-dropper that is executed very nicely. Also of note is the music selection in the film--it is really fantastic. If you have the patience to sit through a largely dialogue-based horror film and have the patience for a fair bit of Christianity bashing you may enjoy this movie--I did.
A stranger (Jonathan Oldham) approaches Sai (Sarah Farooqui), an artist, to give her a drug that will let her enter a dream world where she can control what happens in real life. The drug--sap from a rare tree that must be burned and inhaled--doesn't quite work as promised--she can't really control anything in the dream world (not that is matters because nothing really happens there), nothing in that world happens in real life until much later in the movie, unless you're somebody else, but not everybody else, and the only thing Sai really wants is to be with Royce (Chris Ivan Cevic), who she is kind of already with, and later she continues to take the drug to be with him even after she already is. Yes, this movie is just as bad as it sounds--probably even worse, and that was one horrible run-on sentence.
The movie sucks more than this thing.
This is a dreadfully boring movie, and the 95 minutes it clocks in at feel more like 195. The acting is tolerable for the most part, with the exception of Oldham, who is beyond bad. None of the characters are developed beyond the superficial. The accents are strange, switching from American to English to--whatever else--at the drop of a hat. The lighting is horrid in this movie, and the special effects are equally as bad. One unintentionally hilarious thing about the movie is the rubber suit the Incubus (Ivan L. Moody of the band Five Finger Death Punch) wears, and the obvious outline of the vampire fangs. These things almost made it worth watching--almost.
Set in 1995, a family, a single woman, and a loser living with his mother are given camcorders as apparent winners of some sort of contest. They are given instructions to follow orders and keep filming, no matter what happens. They eventually figure out they are being watched and the orders they are being given become more sinister as the night rolls on. This found footage film is a combination of the good, the bad, and the ugly. Director Bryan Bertino (The Strangers) does a really good job setting an eerie scene, using creepy music and lighting, along with jarring camera techniques, to create a disjointed feel.
See?
The acting ranges from good (veteran television actress Alexandra Lydon does a fantastic job as Beth) to horrible (Tony Stashwick). To really enjoy this film you have to suspend disbelief somewhat--honestly, in the situation these people are put in, it's hard to believe anybody would be this stupid. Still, the movie did have some potential--until the ending. Bertino decided to end this movie with what is considered a twist, but comes off as so unbelievable that it takes away considerably from what was a decent movie to that point. All in all this movie has enough good points to make it worth watching, but it is certainly nothing spectacular.
Country boys Tucker and Dale go to the mountains to restore a cabin to use as their vacation home. When they rescue a college girl from drowning and take her back to the cabin, all the girls friends come to rescue her from who they assume are killer hillbillies. I first watched this film a couple years ago, and decided to introduce it to my girlfriend this time around. This is a horror comedy movie that is two things most films in this genre are not: it's very original, and very funny. Tyler Labine is extremely likable as the dimwitted but love-struck Dale, and Alan Tudyk (Of Firefly fame) steals the show as the "wise" Tucker.
Killer hillbillies or misunderstood, nice fellas?
Even the college kids, for the most part, are well played. The special effects in the movie are impressive, and the story is both hilarious and sweet, even presenting a life lesson. All this said, it is also extremely bloody and violent. The dialogue is funny--picture Three's Company type situations combined with Shaun Of The Dead type results. Fans of horror will appreciate the absurdity of the premise, and if horror-comedy is your cup of tea, few are as sweet as this.
Let me start off by saying I LOVE the original The Evil Dead. It's the movie
that introduced me to the awesomeness that is Bruce Campbell, was the first
taste of a horror-comedy I ever had, and changed the way I thought about girls
in the woods forever. It's a movie I have owned forever, watched dozens of
times, and loved every time. So it goes without saying that when I initially
heard somebody was remaking The Evil Dead, I cringed, flashbacks of the A
Nightmare On Elm Street remake slashing through my head. "No way will I
watch that one!" I proclaimed out loud. My girlfriend chimed in with a
simple "Yes you will". Months later I heard Sam Raimi and Bruce
Campbell himself supported this film and my mind changed, and my girlfriend,
for once, was right.
All of that said, as the movie started, I told myself to just sit back and
enjoy and try not to compare it to the original. I managed this for most of the
movie, but may break that rule a bit here. The movie starts off fast, with a
sequence explaining, to some degree, the evil in the woods. We're then
introduced to our group of cabin-goers, mercifully with different names than in
the original (I'm not sure my brain would have been able to process somebody
else being called Ash). This time, the group has gathered at the cabin to help
Mia (newcomer Jane Levy) kick a drug addiction. She's the first to start
noticing strange things happening, but for a good bit of the movie, her friends
dismiss it as her going crazy as a result of drug withdrawal--I thought that
was a good touch. The movie is similar to the original in that The Book of the
Dead is the source of all hell breaking loose, and wow, does it ever!
Naturally, they don't
The pace of the movie is very good. If you're watching this in the theatre,
and you have to go to the restroom, the only chance you have of going and not
missing anything is when they first arrive at the cabin. Once the mayhem
starts, it doesn't stop until the end. The story is familiar to The Evil Dead fans, but they added layers to it, which actually makes the story itself
somewhat better (or at least more rounded) than the original. The gore and
death scenes are incredible in this movie. Honestly, I don't know that I've
seen as much gore, and over-the-top blood use, in a movie I saw at the theatre,
and yes, I saw the entire Saw series, Final Destinations, etc, in the theatre.
For example...
The filmmakers here knew when to make the scene realistic, and when to make it
absolutely absurd, much like in the original. Another thing I really loved
about this movie is the lack of CGI. Practically all the special effects were
done the old fashioned way instead of relying on the crutch of computer
assistance--nice touch. Even the acting was somewhat decent in this film.
Of course, with all things positive, there are negatives here and there. I
didn't like the way they demonized Mia. They gave her the stereotypical
"evil" contacts (look more like dinosaur eyes than anything) and the
equally stereotypical, gravelling deep voice. FAR creepier was how the original
film did what was essentially Mia's counterpart, Linda, with the white
contacts, the evil doll makeup, and the creepy, childish voice and giggles.
Still, it wasn't something that couldn't be overlooked.
The movie rolled along, and for the first 70 or 75 minutes, I was pretty
much loving every second of it--then came the final ten or fifteen minutes.
Pretty much from the time the lightning strikes (that's all I will say, as I
don't want to give spoilers) until the end, the film takes a sharp left turn
and falls apart completely. Plot holes starts popping up like dandelions in the
summer. The excessive use of blood in the final scene is cool, but other than
that, I sat there wondering "Why...why...why".
I was prepared to walk out of thee theatre and proclaim this the best horror
film I had seen in years, and until that fateful scene near the end, it
probably was. However, the end is so bad it fell two points on my scale. Shame.
On A Scale Of One To Ten: 8
Special note: Stay seated through the credits. There's something groovy
afterwards.
Evil Dead Red Band Trailer (Spoiler: The "We're Going To Get You" part isn't actually in the movie)
Return Of The Living Dead 4: Necropolis Movie Review
As a fan of ROTLD 3, I was very much looking forward to this movie. Unfortunately, that enthusiasm soon died as I started watching it. The plot of the film is fairly bland but acceptable, the dialogue is horrible, and the acting is as bad as you will see. The zombies look, just, bad--think zombie makeup you can buy at K-Mart around Halloween.
"No, sir, K-Mart does not refund partially used makeup kits"
The only redeeming qualities of this film are the sheer amount of blood and gore, two characters that appear near the end of the film that may put on in mind of Cenobites from the Hellraiser series, and a cute, likable character named Becky, played by Aimee-Lynn Chadwick. Also of note is that some behind the scenes stuff is shown as the credits roll, showing the zombies goofing off between takes and some of the special effects. Those few minutes are actually more enjoyable than most of the rest of the film and added a point to my score you will see below. All in all I would say skip this one unless you can maybe pick it up for a buck somewhere.
On A Scale Of One To Ten: 4
Return Of The Living Dead 4: Necropolis Movie Trailer
This 2011 film tells the story of a group of kids in 1979 who witness, and record, a train accident while filming a movie with a Super 8 camera.
Here they are now..
People start to realize that something is not quite right about this incident, and begin to wonder if it's an accident at all. The truth turns out to be quite different from anybody expected. This is a fun film that packs action, comedy, drama, and suspense. The acting is pretty good, especially considering the majority of the main actors are children. The real appeal, however, is the action and storytelling. Director J.J. Abrams does a fantastic job telling the story in a retro-Steven Spielberg sort of way--it's no coincidence that Spielberg is a producer on this one. I think teens and adults alike will enjoy this film, which its rated PG-13.
