FERAL

Feral Movie Review

A group of friends lost in the woods are stalked by a virus-infected, zombie-mutant-creature thing. When the friends come across a loner (Lew Temple of The Devil's Rejects), they learn the creature is a person with the feral disease, a contagious condition that turns the victim into a killing machine. Should they believe the words of this stranger, or is he really the one behind all the evil? I sighed a bit as the movie started and I saw...

this

My expectations were low from the start, but the opening scene did manage to catch my attention. It went away a bit as we met the characters, and there wasn't much to like about any of them. Once I caught a glimpse of the zombie, however, my interest returned. At first, we don't get a good look at the monster, as it runs quickly and creepily through the woods.

He's no Bigfoot

Naturally, the feral beast eventually catches up with the others, creating more creatures. The makeup job on these beings is really well done for what was certainly a limited budget. The creature is somewhat undefined--it is a zombie for certain, but beyond that, one could easily compare it to a werewolf and vampire. You will likely either love this mix or hate that they never fully dedicated to one idea. I personally would tend to fall into the latter, but in this movie, I did kind of dig the hybrid approach; that said, this is unquestionably a zombie movie. The acting is rough, but you will recognize a couple other faces, as Scout Taylor-Compton of Rob Zombie's take on Halloween plays the lead (and is much more likable in this film than she was as Laurie Strode), and Olivia Luccardi of the highly overrated It Follows plays her girlfriend. There is a good bit of carnage in the movie, so the gorehounds will like that, if nothing else. Unfortunately, the story itself kind of hits a dead end long before the movie does. The final act plods along until we get a rather predictable ending that we have seen many times before. Even with this, Feral was much more entertaining than I expected it to be. 

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 6

Feral Movie Trailer

THE GALLOWS ACT II

The Gallows Act II Movie Review

Auna Rue (Ema Horvath) is a would-be actress and YouTube star. When she stumbles across the legend behind the stage play The Gallows, Auna Rue is soon haunted by the spirit of The Hangman. She does all this for the camera and her audience, because let's face it baby, these days, it's all about the likes! This is the sequel to the 2015 film The Gallows--if you are having a hard time remembering that movie, that can be easily explained--it was quite forgettable, and certainly not a flick that demanded a second act. But alas, it was a film that made money, so of course, the Blumhouse machine was going to churn out a sequel, and here we are. 

"That's what this is all about?"

The first film was of the found footage variety--this sequel is presented in the more traditional way, though there is a bit of the found footage feel when we see some of the YouTube videos. The movie is absolutely filled with jump scares...so many jump scares. As far as actual scares go, well, there are none. The film also lacks any suspense, comprehensive storytelling, or character development. The acting is bad, with Horvath, who looks like the love child of Neve Campbell and Hilary Swank, making for a weak lead (though, sadly, she turns in the best performance). We get a ton of hallucinations and false realities--you may try to make sense of this at the start, but you soon realize you are trying to make sense of the senseless and give up. The film comes off as a generic PG-13 horror film, but with just enough profanity added to get that R rating. This all leads to an ending that is so horrendous, so brutally bad, so nonsensical, that is actually adds a point to my score--this level of ridiculousness doesn't come along every day. In the unlikely event you saw The Gallows and thought to yourself "I really hope they make a sequel! It will be amazing!", you may want to save yourself the disappointment and skip this movie...actually, even if you never had this thought, you should still skip it. 

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 4

The Gallows Act II Movie Review

THE FURIES

The Furies Movie Review

Kidnapped women awaken to find themselves in a vast wilderness, where they are hunted by masked men. Our lead character is Kayla (Airlie Dodds), a woman we see get into a spat with her good friend Maddie (Ebony Vagulans) just prior to the kidnapping. Once she awakens, Kayla is on a mission to not only stay alive, but also to rescue her pal. Australia brings us this 2019 slasher flick that combines a fairly unique plot with an absolute ton of gore...and lots of cool masks.

Like this...

and this...

My favorite...

"Don't forget me!"

The kills come early and often, and they are certainly the most interesting aspect of the film. From slit throats to exploding heads to a grotesque scene of a woman having her face removed with an axe, the movie goes to the extreme with the bloodshed. The story catches your attention initially, but as it unfolds, and becomes more convoluted, your attention may wander. The acting doesn't earn the movie any points, though Dodds does a fair job. The fate of Maddie may be something you don't see coming--spending a bit more time with the character at the start of the film would have made this moment more effective. Unfortunately, the ending leaves much to be desired as well. The Furies isn't a great movie, but it is different enough to leave an impression, and makes for a good choice if you are seeking out a bloodbath.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 5

The Furies Movie Trailer

THE NIGHT OF A THOUSAND CATS (aka La noche de los mil gatos)

The Night of a Thousand Cats Movie Review

A rich dude flies around Acapulco to pick up women, bring them back to his castle, and feed them to, yes, a thousand cats. If you are thinking they are some sort of mutated demon terrors, or even a lion or tiger or panther...

Think again

This is a 1972 Mexican film that lacks in practically every department. It has some decent settings, and at least the version I saw was not remastered, so seeing all the scratches on the film, the missing reels, and so forth was cool. There are no other redeeming qualities in this film, but it does star...

Sadly, not that one. It actually stars the Mexican acting vet of the same name. 

This guy

There's nothing more to say about this movie. I really only even wrote this to reference Inglorious Basterds. 

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 3

The Night of a Thousand Cats Movie Trailer

BLOODY BIRTHDAY

Bloody Birthday Movie Review

Three kids born during an eclipse turn into vicious killers right around the age of ten. Released during the Golden Age of slasher films, this 1981 flick tries to bring something a little different to the table with the bloodthirsty brats. 

"Is it a machete?!"

The first thing you should probably know is that, despite the title, there's not a lot of bloodshed in this one, though the body count is fairly high. The kids actually turn in decent performances, with Billy Jayne as Curtis leading the way. Jayne plays the character so well you may find yourself wanting to reach through your screen to smack him. In a very early appearance, multi-talented 1980's pop culture star Julie Brown (the one from Earth Girls Are Easy, not the one from Downtown) pops up in a supporting role in this film, a few years prior to seeing her seemingly everywhere you turned. 

Wubba Wubba Wubba

As for everything else in the movie...it's just sort of there. The story plods along. Much of the rest of the acting is bad, but it's nothing too terrible. The dialogue is what you would expect from a movie of this era. There's the predictable number of topless women. There are a couple interesting death scenes, and some somewhat unexpected moments to keep you glued. The ending is a bit flat, but promises a potentially interesting sequel--unfortunately, the movie was a bust, and said sequel never saw the light of day. Bloody Birthday skims just above the surface of 1980's slasher mediocrity--there are better films out there from this era, but there are also a lot worse ones.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 6

Bloody Birthday Movie Trailer

RAWHEAD REX

Rawhead Rex Movie Review

As the result of a bolt of lightning, a monster named Rawhead emerges from the ground and begins terrorizing a small village in Ireland. I recall the first time I ever heard of this 1986 film--I was in eighth grade and with a group of friends, talking about horror movies while roaming the halls of our aging school building. A guy named Casey said the scariest movie he ever saw was called Rawhead Rex--none of the rest of the group had ever heard of this film, and as Casey was seen as a tough dude, we all believed this Rawhead Rex must be some movie! I would occasionally look for it at video stores throughout my teen years, but to no avail. I never forgot Casey saying this, and a "few" years later, I finally came across it (and on St. Patrick's Day, no less). Many years of wondering what this Rex fella looked like, and just how scary this movie would be, would finally be realized. As I, at last, saw Rawhead grace my screen, I did, in fact, realize one thing...

Casey WAS just only 14, after all

This movie was based on a Clive Barker story, and though I have not read the short, it is said the film strays rather far from it, and Rawhead himself looks little to nothing like how the monster is described in the story...and Barker hates the movie. The rubber monster suit is rough, the face is awkward, and seeing it try to keep up with the guy inside is a riot. The story is honestly a mess, and ultimately unimportant, as the only thing that will keep you going is the carnage, which the movie delivers in. If you are into cheesy 1980s special effects, you will love the scenes of Rawhead's becoming and his demise(?). The Irish countryside setting also has its appeal. All this, naturally, is offset by a shaky story and atrocious acting. Should you watch Rawhead Rex? If 1980s creature features are your thing, have at it. If a childhood friend proclaimed it the scariest movie he ever saw, and you built this up in your mind to be the next A Nightmare On Elm Street, you might just want stick with the story your imagination created.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 5

Rawhead Rex Movie Trailer

NO ESCAPE (2020 - aka Follow Me)

No Escape Movie Review

A guy who looks like Bryce Harper and has lots of followers on social media takes his equally obnoxious friends to Moscow, Russia for the next stunt to quench his need for attention and praise from complete strangers. Once there, as tends to happen when Americans go to foreign countries in horror films, things go sideways and the gang find themselves in trouble. Speaking of other films, this one hits up several of them for inspiration, most obviously Saw and Hostel. 

She doesn't want to play this game

There have been many movies titled No Escape over the years, so let me clear this up real quick--this review is of the 2020 film of that name--it was originally titled Follow Me, but I guess that wasn't quite generic enough, so it was changed. If you are familiar with escape rooms, you'll understand what is happening here--if not, an escape room game is when a group of friends try to piece together clues to, yes, escape from a room or series of rooms before the clock runs out. Here, this is amped up to put the contestants potentially into real danger. It's a cool idea, and really what inspired my girlfriend to recommend we watch this one. Unfortunately, this movie fails in almost every way to live up to its promise. Within minutes, you will hate every single character we later see portrayed as the victims. Sadly, as the movie progresses, this never changes--we are never given reason to care what happens to them, so when they inevitably end up in peril, you will likely cheer for their demise. The acting seesaws between bad and brutally so--Keegan Allen's performance as the aforementioned social media star, Cole, is especially horrendous. There are some neat twists and turns once the movie gets going--unfortunately, I saw them all coming, but had I not, I'm sure the ride would have been more fun. There's little originality in this movie, and not a ton of gore, but you may want to watch for the reveal--if you do decide to view this movie, however, skip past the first 35 minutes. Nothing interesting happens during this time, and if you end up hating the film...well, at least you didn't have to sit through all of it.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 4

No Escape Movie Trailer

THE LIVING DEAD GIRL (La Morte Vivante)

The Living Dead Girl Movie Review

After being brought back to life as the result of a toxic waste spill (the 1980's were all about toxic waste disasters), Catherine Valmont (Francoise Blanchard) must drink blood to remain alive. She eventually meets up with Helene (Marina Pierro), a friend Catherine had made a blood pact with when they were children. How will Helene react once she sees her old friend somewhat come back to life, and how far will she go to maintain this friendship? That's what we have going on in this 1982 French horror film. 

Catherine

Not Catherine

This movie takes a compelling approach, as Catherine seems equal parts vampire and zombie, making it hard to classify the film under either genre. Another interesting take is with how Catherine uses her long fingernails to kill her victims, resulting in quite a bit of bloodshed, all brought to us via the practical approach--this is really hit or miss here. There is also no shortage of nudity in this movie, so take that for whatever it's worth to you. Unfortunately, the movie also has an angle involving a couple Americans, and honestly, every time they were on the screen, my interest level plummeted.  The characters add an odd bit of goofiness to a movie that is better off without it, and it makes the film drag--a sad statement considering the run time is under 90 minutes. Outside of this, however, the story is solid, as we get a rather unique look at the titular character--the more she drinks, the more Catherine realizes who or what she is, and the more she believes she must be stopped. This all leads to a final scene that is so graphic it is actually a bit hard to watch. While not a great movie, if you are looking for an French bloodbath, The Living Dead Girl is worth checking out.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 6

The Living Dead Girl Movie Trailer

THE VAMPIRE DOLL

The Vampire Doll Movie Review

Kazuhiko Sagawa (Atsuo Nakamura) goes up the country to visit his fiancée, Yûko Nonomura (Yukiko Kobayashi, Destroy All Monsters); upon arrival, Yûko's mother, Shidu (Yôko Minakaze), breaks the news of Yûko's death to Kazuhiko, who then goes missing. Days later, Kazuhiko's sister, Keiko Sagawa (Kayo Matsuo) and her fiancée, Hiroshi Takagi (Akira Nakao), go in search of the missing couple. Where has Kazuhiko gone? Is Yûko really dead? What does Shidu know about all this? These are the questions in this 1970 Japanese horror film, brought to us by Toho...yes, the same company that gave the world Godzilla.. Toho decided to venture away from the giant monster movies here, and steered more toward something that very much feels like a classic Japanese ghost story combined with a Hammer vampire film. The result is impressive...and very creepy.

Vampire, ghost, or jaundice?

Had you told me prior to watching The Vampire Doll that Toho made such a movie, I would have scoffed a bit--in fact, I did just that when I began watching this film. It's not that I dislike their movies--on the contrary, I am a huge Godzilla fan--I just wouldn't have pictured them successfully pulling off an actual horror film, but it really didn't take long at all for me to be pulled into this story. The movie does have that slow burn build that many good Japanese films bring, but it never falls into the plodding pace of most Hammer flicks. As you likely suspect, there is not a ton of gore here, but the final scene does present a surprising amount of blood. The acting is strong as well, with Kobayashi turning in a memorably wicked performance. The explanation of what is happening with Yûko leaves a little to be desired, but the resolution is a satisfying one. If you haven't seen many older Japanese horror films and want a good jumping-off point, I certainly recommend checking out The Vampire Doll.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

The Vampire Doll Movie Trailer