Because nobody likes spending an hour reading a movie review, I bring you Quick Horror Movie Reviews, a site offering to the point reviews of horror films from a guy who has seen thousands of them. From the classics to the hidden gems, the slashers to the creatures, the multi-million dollar blockbusters to the direct to video awfulness, it's all here! Read, enjoy, and for the best experience, go old school and view the desktop version!
A couple young fellas take their girlfriends to an abandoned slaughter house where years prior a loner named Marty Sickle was killed. Naturally he has returned to terrorize anybody who comes near his place of death...or maybe he died...or maybe not. The movie kind of says both. He may have had his head cut off. But then again, maybe he didn't, but of course in the end, that is the only way to kill him, because, you know, that's how they killed him before, except he is not headless now. Yes. this gibberish basically sums up this horrid mess that looks like some college project gone awry. The sound is terrible throughout most of the film, and the video looks like it was done on a high tech camcorder from the 1980s. They loved using slow motion in this film too, which is a personal pet peeve of mine. To me slow motion should be used in sports replays and...well, that's all really. I have said before that when you see the same name repeated over and over in the credits it's probably a pretty awful movie--that happens here with writer, director, producer, editor, and even Marty Sickle himself, Paul Gagne. And lets talk about ol' Marty a second. His voice goes from sounding like Freddy Krueger to, well, not, and it happens so often it's hilarious--if that's not enough he looks like some weird cross between old school Undertaker from the 1990s WWF days and a simpleton brother of the talented actor Giovanni Ribisi.
"My name's Marty Sickle. People call me Marty Sickle"
This movie borrows a ton from many other movies from the past that did absolutely everything better. The continuity errors are pretty much everywhere. The acting--I won't even go into how bad the acting is. There's also a stoner character (of course) named, what else, "Stoner", who, among other things, calls for help at one point with the exclamation "Yo! Sheriff dude!" and attempts to cop a feel on the chalk outline of a dead body....my girlfriend had warned me this was the worst movie she has ever seen, and while I wouldn't go that far (she has yet to experience the masterpiece that is Hill 171) I would say it's not far off.
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