SAW

Saw Movie Review

Strangers Lawrence (Cary Elwes) and Adam (Leigh Whannell) awaken in a bathroom and realize they are chained to something in the room, and, worse yet, a dead body is lying between them. Throughout the course of the film they realize their lives are connected in a way, and that they may be the latest victim of the jigsaw killer. This 2004 film, shot on a shoestring budget (just over a million dollars), sort of redefined how many looked at horror. It was original, it was fascinating, and, most importantly to many horror fans, it was bloody, gory, and more graphic than almost anything they had seen before.

"Why is this movie called...oh, I see"

 

At worst, this film gave birth to a subgenre that would come to be known as "torture porn". At best it re-envisioned what a good low budget horror film could be. The story is one we had never quite heard before--the "killer" locks people he feels don't appreciate life into a situation where, in order to survive, they must make physical sacrifices. Here's the thing--every trap he creates can be escaped (albeit before the timer stops), so if the victim dies, it can be argued they killed themselves instead of being killed by anybody else. As if all this awesomeness isn't enough, there is a twist ending you likely will not see coming--the first time I saw this film was in a packed theatre, and after everybody literally cheered out loud just prior to the end, they all gasped and fell dead silent when the twist was revealed. Over ten years later this ranks as one of the best endings I have ever seen in film history. Not everything is perfect with this film, especially the acting, but it is a fantastic film nonetheless that changed the face of horror, put Leigh Whannell (the writer) and James Wan (the director) on the map, and kicked off what would eventually become my favorite horror film series. I couldn't possibly count the number of times I have seen this film, and I love it every time.

 

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 9

 

Saw Movie Trailer

THE HITCHER (2007)

The Hitcher Movie Review 2007

When college students Jim (Zachary Knighton) and Grace (Sophia Bush) set off for a road trip they are terrorized by a crazed hitchhiker (Sean Bean) they refused to pick up. This remake of the 1986 thriller (starring the legendary C. Thomas Howell) amps up the blood and gore while taking the viewer on an intense, wild ride.

In this car

Jim and Grace are a horror oddity--likable characters. They come off as compassionate (albeit poor decision making) youngsters, and Knighton and Bush are, for the most part, believable. Bean is absolutely fantastic as hitcher John Ryder--of course this should surprise nobody familiar with Bean's work. For all the intensity, blood, and good performances, however, there are underlying issues with this movie that bring it down considerably. The police are dumbed-down to an almost laughable level and must be the most poorly trained officers in the country. The decisions our heroes make will having you wanting to reach through your screen to choke them. And...just how does Mr. Hitchhiker keep finding these poor kids? Throw in dialogue that isn't interesting in the least and you're left with a film that should be much better than it is--still, this is a fun movie to watch and I recommend it for, if nothing else, Bean's performance (and didn't I mention the gore?). 

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 6



The Hitcher Movie Trailer

POLTERGEIST (2015)

Poltergeist Movie Review

A family moves into a house and almost immediately strange things begin to happen. Soon afterward their youngest daughter is trapped in some alternate dimension via a portal in her closet. We all know the original Poltergeist is a horror classic--this remake...well...we'll just say the words "horror classic" will never be used by any sort of majority to describe this film. The storyline is similar, but different enough to separate itself a bit from the original. The family in this film seems to be struggling more financially than the family in the first (this may lead the viewer to question how they can afford all the expensive stuff we see throughout the film). This film also seems less horror driven, and almost borders on comedy, in thanks mainly to the father/husband in the film, Eric Bowen.

Smile Eric

Let me preface this by saying I am a Sam Rockwell fan. I have loved him in practically everything I have seen him in (Seven Psychopaths, Iron Man 2, The Way Way Back, even Galaxy Quest), but he is absolutely miscast in this film. His performance completely throws off the mood of the rest of the film, one that should be of doom and horror is offset by Rockwell's portrayal of a father seeing his family falling apart and being nonchalant (at best) about it. The iconic scene of the daughter turning to her family and proclaiming "They're here" returns in this film, but the delivery is as mundane and uninteresting as you can possibly imagine.

"They're here...what's for breakfast?"

The clown also returns, but looking a bit more sinister, so I guess that's a good thing. The special effects don't seem any better than those in the original...that's pretty disappointing considering the CGI capabilities of a 2015 film and taking into account this film came out 33 years after the original! The special effects of the 1982 film, while dated now, were groundbreaking for the time. The special effects and CGI in this 2015 film are largely laughable. There are a few scares here and there, and some creepy images, but you really expect more from this film. Sam Raimi was one of the producers of this film, and you can certainly see his influence, but unlike some of this legendary works from the past, Poltergeist seems to lack any particular direction and vision. There are enough bright spots in the film to keep you watching until the end (Jared Harris as poltergeist expert/reality television star Carrigan Burke really shines here), but unfortunately this film is neither scary, funny, or terribly interesting--Instead, it is a movie that is doomed to be on lists of worst horror remakes and lost in the sea of mediocre movies for years to come. 



On A Scale Of One To Ten: 5

Poltergeist Movie Trailer

I STILL KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER

I Still Know What You Did Last Summer Movie Review

Having escaped the hook swinging fisherman in I Know What You Did Last Summer, Julie James (Jennifer Love Hewitt) joins friends for a vacation to a remote island--where it appears the fisherman has followed them. The first film in the series was sort of unique, and was actually a fairly decent horror film; as is often the case, however, the sequel has a difficult time recapturing whatever it was that made the original enjoyable. I believe the acting is the first thing that throws this film--Brandy, Freddie Prinze Jr., Matthew Settle, and Jennifer Esposito are all here, and each is just bad in this one. That said, no other actor in this movie can touch the absolute acting ineptness of one Mekhi Phifer (Dawn of the Dead)...not even this guy...

Yes, that's Jack Black

Once you get past the bad acting and questionable script, there actually is some stuff to enjoy about the film. Jennifer Love Hewitt is good in her role as leading lady, Bill Cobbs is creepy, and we get appearances (albeit short ones) from John Hawkes and Michael Bryan French. They attempt to throw in a bit of a twist at the end, but if you're paying at least a little bit of attention you will see it coming. Fortunately, some of the death scenes are gruesome enough to keep you going. This movie has that classic 90's horror feel to it, and while not a bad flick, it comes off as more a direct to video film than the follow up to one of the most well known horrors of that decade.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 5

I Still Know What You Did Last Summer Movie Trailer

THE RING TWO

The Ring Two Movie Review

Rachel (Naomi Watts) and her son Aidan (David Dorfman) have moved away from Seattle into Oregon to, among other things, escape the horrors we saw unfold in The Ring, but when a high school student turns up dead in the same manner as the victims back in Seattle, Rachel realizes the evil that is Samara has returned--this time possessing Aidan himself. This follow-up to the immensely popular original remake has tons of potential, but most unfortunately, it fails to deliver. Yes, we get some scary scenes again--the scene of Samara climbing out of the well is the thing nightmares are made of--but we also get a lot of, well...

this...

...and other poor CGI nonsense. The acting seems to have gone down a notch, especially from Dorfman, who went from genuinely creepy in the original to just sort of uninteresting in this outing. The movie drags terribly at times, and at over two hours long (this review is for the unrated edition), is a true test of patience and endurance. That said, the story is still pretty strong, as we get more details on the life of Samara and we get to see just how far a mother will go to save her child. The Ring Two is not a bad film, but coming off the heels of The Ring, one can't help but be a slight bit disappointed in it.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 6

The Ring Two Movie Trailer

KING OF THE ZOMBIES

King of the Zombies Movie Review

A plane carrying three people crashes on an island. The three men find help in Dr. Sangre (Henry Victor), a mysterious man with a mansion filled with servants...and zombies. This 1941 horror comedy is a lot more comedy than horror, as when on the rare occasion we see the zombies, they are far from scary. The acting is pretty bad throughout, with the exception of Mantan Moreland as Jeff, the valet of lead character James McCarthy (Dick Purcell). Jeff is the comedy relief of the film, and man, is he ever good at it.

Zombie food

 

His comedic timing, the delivery of his lines, and his facial expressions make him an absolute gem in this otherwise dull film. His teaming with Purcell reminded me a lot of the Abbott and Costello horror comedies of the same era (though Purcell and Moreland aren't quite as good). If you're looking for a scare, skip this movie, but if you're looking for a laugh, you may want to give this a shot.

 

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 5

 

 



King of the Zombies Movie Trailer

THE RING

The Ring Movie Review

Rachel (Naomi Watts Stay, King Kong), a journalist for the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, investigates the mysteries surrounding a video tape--specifically, do people really die after watching it? This 2002 film ushered in a trend in Hollywood--American remakes of Asian horror (this one being a remake of the Japanese film Ringu), and, unlike many films that would follow, it did it the right way. The movie starts off with a bang, slowly builds a very intense and interesting story, and delivers a fantastic ending. For the most part the acting is pretty good in this movie. Watts does a fine job, as does David Dorfman (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre) as her son Aidan. The special effects in this film are really fantastic, and the film is genuinely scary, in particular the scene that is probably most well known.

You guessed it

I remember seeing this movie in the theatre when it came back and actually gasping and moving back in my seat when I saw this scene, and the scares and surprises don't end there. The Ring really was one of the first movies to be released with a PG-13 rating that was actually scary, and that still holds up to this day. Samara (the girl above) quickly became an iconic image in the realm of horror films, and for good reasons--she is a well-written, sympathetic yet evil, frightening character. There are times throughout the film when it drags a bit long (the run time is just shy of two hours), and some of the decisions the characters make are highly questionable, but these things are not enough to ruin the movie by any stretch. While The Ring may not be a perfect horror film, it is still an outstanding horror movie that, in many ways, paved a path for many films to come, and it still ranks among my favorite horror films of its time.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 8

The Ring Movie Trailer