POLTERGEIST (2015)

Poltergeist Movie Review

A family moves into a house and almost immediately strange things begin to happen. Soon afterward their youngest daughter is trapped in some alternate dimension via a portal in her closet. We all know the original Poltergeist is a horror classic--this remake...well...we'll just say the words "horror classic" will never be used by any sort of majority to describe this film. The storyline is similar, but different enough to separate itself a bit from the original. The family in this film seems to be struggling more financially than the family in the first (this may lead the viewer to question how they can afford all the expensive stuff we see throughout the film). This film also seems less horror driven, and almost borders on comedy, in thanks mainly to the father/husband in the film, Eric Bowen.

Smile Eric

Let me preface this by saying I am a Sam Rockwell fan. I have loved him in practically everything I have seen him in (Seven Psychopaths, Iron Man 2, The Way Way Back, even Galaxy Quest), but he is absolutely miscast in this film. His performance completely throws off the mood of the rest of the film, one that should be of doom and horror is offset by Rockwell's portrayal of a father seeing his family falling apart and being nonchalant (at best) about it. The iconic scene of the daughter turning to her family and proclaiming "They're here" returns in this film, but the delivery is as mundane and uninteresting as you can possibly imagine.

"They're here...what's for breakfast?"

The clown also returns, but looking a bit more sinister, so I guess that's a good thing. The special effects don't seem any better than those in the original...that's pretty disappointing considering the CGI capabilities of a 2015 film and taking into account this film came out 33 years after the original! The special effects of the 1982 film, while dated now, were groundbreaking for the time. The special effects and CGI in this 2015 film are largely laughable. There are a few scares here and there, and some creepy images, but you really expect more from this film. Sam Raimi was one of the producers of this film, and you can certainly see his influence, but unlike some of this legendary works from the past, Poltergeist seems to lack any particular direction and vision. There are enough bright spots in the film to keep you watching until the end (Jared Harris as poltergeist expert/reality television star Carrigan Burke really shines here), but unfortunately this film is neither scary, funny, or terribly interesting--Instead, it is a movie that is doomed to be on lists of worst horror remakes and lost in the sea of mediocre movies for years to come. 



On A Scale Of One To Ten: 5

Poltergeist Movie Trailer

I STILL KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER

I Still Know What You Did Last Summer Movie Review

Having escaped the hook swinging fisherman in I Know What You Did Last Summer, Julie James (Jennifer Love Hewitt) joins friends for a vacation to a remote island--where it appears the fisherman has followed them. The first film in the series was sort of unique, and was actually a fairly decent horror film; as is often the case, however, the sequel has a difficult time recapturing whatever it was that made the original enjoyable. I believe the acting is the first thing that throws this film--Brandy, Freddie Prinze Jr., Matthew Settle, and Jennifer Esposito are all here, and each is just bad in this one. That said, no other actor in this movie can touch the absolute acting ineptness of one Mekhi Phifer (Dawn of the Dead)...not even this guy...

Yes, that's Jack Black

Once you get past the bad acting and questionable script, there actually is some stuff to enjoy about the film. Jennifer Love Hewitt is good in her role as leading lady, Bill Cobbs is creepy, and we get appearances (albeit short ones) from John Hawkes and Michael Bryan French. They attempt to throw in a bit of a twist at the end, but if you're paying at least a little bit of attention you will see it coming. Fortunately, some of the death scenes are gruesome enough to keep you going. This movie has that classic 90's horror feel to it, and while not a bad flick, it comes off as more a direct to video film than the follow up to one of the most well known horrors of that decade.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 5

I Still Know What You Did Last Summer Movie Trailer

THE RING TWO

The Ring Two Movie Review

Rachel (Naomi Watts) and her son Aidan (David Dorfman) have moved away from Seattle into Oregon to, among other things, escape the horrors we saw unfold in The Ring, but when a high school student turns up dead in the same manner as the victims back in Seattle, Rachel realizes the evil that is Samara has returned--this time possessing Aidan himself. This follow-up to the immensely popular original remake has tons of potential, but most unfortunately, it fails to deliver. Yes, we get some scary scenes again--the scene of Samara climbing out of the well is the thing nightmares are made of--but we also get a lot of, well...

this...

...and other poor CGI nonsense. The acting seems to have gone down a notch, especially from Dorfman, who went from genuinely creepy in the original to just sort of uninteresting in this outing. The movie drags terribly at times, and at over two hours long (this review is for the unrated edition), is a true test of patience and endurance. That said, the story is still pretty strong, as we get more details on the life of Samara and we get to see just how far a mother will go to save her child. The Ring Two is not a bad film, but coming off the heels of The Ring, one can't help but be a slight bit disappointed in it.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 6

The Ring Two Movie Trailer

KING OF THE ZOMBIES

King of the Zombies Movie Review

A plane carrying three people crashes on an island. The three men find help in Dr. Sangre (Henry Victor), a mysterious man with a mansion filled with servants...and zombies. This 1941 horror comedy is a lot more comedy than horror, as when on the rare occasion we see the zombies, they are far from scary. The acting is pretty bad throughout, with the exception of Mantan Moreland as Jeff, the valet of lead character James McCarthy (Dick Purcell). Jeff is the comedy relief of the film, and man, is he ever good at it.

Zombie food

 

His comedic timing, the delivery of his lines, and his facial expressions make him an absolute gem in this otherwise dull film. His teaming with Purcell reminded me a lot of the Abbott and Costello horror comedies of the same era (though Purcell and Moreland aren't quite as good). If you're looking for a scare, skip this movie, but if you're looking for a laugh, you may want to give this a shot.

 

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 5

 

 



King of the Zombies Movie Trailer

THE RING

The Ring Movie Review

Rachel (Naomi Watts Stay, King Kong), a journalist for the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, investigates the mysteries surrounding a video tape--specifically, do people really die after watching it? This 2002 film ushered in a trend in Hollywood--American remakes of Asian horror (this one being a remake of the Japanese film Ringu), and, unlike many films that would follow, it did it the right way. The movie starts off with a bang, slowly builds a very intense and interesting story, and delivers a fantastic ending. For the most part the acting is pretty good in this movie. Watts does a fine job, as does David Dorfman (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre) as her son Aidan. The special effects in this film are really fantastic, and the film is genuinely scary, in particular the scene that is probably most well known.

You guessed it

I remember seeing this movie in the theatre when it came back and actually gasping and moving back in my seat when I saw this scene, and the scares and surprises don't end there. The Ring really was one of the first movies to be released with a PG-13 rating that was actually scary, and that still holds up to this day. Samara (the girl above) quickly became an iconic image in the realm of horror films, and for good reasons--she is a well-written, sympathetic yet evil, frightening character. There are times throughout the film when it drags a bit long (the run time is just shy of two hours), and some of the decisions the characters make are highly questionable, but these things are not enough to ruin the movie by any stretch. While The Ring may not be a perfect horror film, it is still an outstanding horror movie that, in many ways, paved a path for many films to come, and it still ranks among my favorite horror films of its time.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 8

The Ring Movie Trailer

THE RAVEN (2012)

The Raven Movie Review

Inspired by the writings of Edgar Allan Poe, a killer terrorizes Baltimore, leading police to turn to the foremost expert on the inspirational stories--Poe himself. This film builds on fact--the final few days of Poe's life remain a mystery. From this a fictional story is created. That is a simple premise that seemed to elude many when this film was released, as people, I guess, expected the ENTIRE film to be historically accurate--again, it was never intended to be. With that in mind, what we have here is a really, really good film that sees Poe assisting the police in finding a serial killer that has also kidnapped the love of Poe's life, Emily Hamilton (Alice Eve, ATM). John Cusack (2012, 1408) plays Poe, and, as is typical, delivers a fantastic performance. The supporting cast, particularly Brendan Gleeson, also turn in impressive performances. This movie does a really impressive job bringing some of the words of Poe's work to life...often to bloody consequences.

Everybody knows this one

 

This is more a thriller/whodunit film than a straight horror, but considering the source of the story and the sheer amount of violence and bloodshed, it is no stretch at all to consider this a horror film. The cinematography is wonderful here, giving the viewer a plethora of beautiful shots and scenery. MANY of the works of Poe are mentioned in the film, much to the delight of myself, an avid Poe fan. The movie is already a white-knuckle ride, and knowing the work of Poe before watching the film will only make the viewer experience that much more enjoyable. My only complaint of this film is I wish they had toned down the CGI a bit on some of the death scenes--this always hinders a movie in my estimation. Outside of this minor complaint, however, there's not much to not like about this film (the music during the credits notwithstanding). I loved this film when I saw it in theatres, and I still love it to this day.

 

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 9

 

The Raven Trailer

HALLOWEEN II (2009)

Halloween II Movie Review

Somehow Michael Myers has survived a point blank gunshot to the head, and returns to terrorize Laurie Strode and the citizens of Haddonfield. Rob Zombie returns for this sequel to his remake of the John Carpenter classic Halloween, and the bloodshed starts immediately...unfortunately, it is followed by more flashbacks of Michael as a child, and Michaels's continuous visions of his mother (Sheri Moon Zombie reprising her role of Deborah Myers) and a white horse.

I couldn't make this up

This psychological look into the mind of Michael Myers is completely unnecessary and very distracting...cutting this out would have brought the film down closer to 90 minutes, something the film would have benefitted greatly from. One has to wonder if Zombie did this as a simple excuse to have a role for his wife in this movie. The character of Deborah Myers has changed as well (and not just the way she looks)--in the first Zombie Halloween she was very much a good hearted mother who only wanted her son to get better--in this film she wants him to kill everybody in site, including her daughter Laurie (or Angel), so they may be a dead family together. Another oddity that is different from the first: Michael now grunts and makes various sounds when killing people (he was completely silent in the first). Also, and most bothersome, is that Dr. Loomis (Malcolm McDowell) is an arrogant jerk--this is a really hard pill to swallow. This movie has plenty of action, gore, and death to make it a decent horror flick, and the cameos are there once again (including Howard Hesseman, Mark Boone Junior, Weird Al Yankovic, and my favorite, Silas Weir Mitchell and his "crazy eyes"), but outside of that, there's not much going for this film. A convoluted plot, irritating characters (honestly I just wanted Michael to kill all of them, including Loomis, which is Halloween blasphemy), and a subpar ending make this an overall disappointment of a film.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 5

Halloween II Trailer