Tuesday, July 25, 2017

ISLE OF THE SNAKE PEOPLE (aka The Snake People aka Le Muerte Viviente)

Isle of the Snake People Movie Review

An evil scientist (horror legend Boris Karloff) oversees an army of zombies on LSD, which, with the help of the equally evil dancer, voodoo priestess, and snake handler Kalea (dancer Yolanda Montes, aka "Tongolele"), he uses to fight off anybody who dare attempt to enforce law on his island...or something like that. This 1971 film (which was shot a few years before release) is an absolute mess of a movie--at times you will swear there was just a bunch of stuff filmed and thrown together to see what sticks. The directing is so off the wall and different from scene to scene you'd think it has a dozen directors--it doesn't, but it does have two--Jack Hill shot the scenes with Karloff in the United States, and Juan Ibanez shot the rest in Mexico. There are many, many scenes where the camera moves rapidly into the faces of the actors, to the ground, to random...stuff--not a zoom, but more of the scene through the eyes of a drunkard who has stumbled upon some dark rituals. There are tons of snakes and snake handling and snake dancing, primarily from the "hot" (I use that term very loosely) Kalea...


"Do you like what you see?"

...and also a little from Annabella (Julissa...yes, just Julissa), our damsel somewhat in distress.

Yeah, I'm not touching this one

Unfortunately, this movie suffers greatly from a thin plot, no direction at all, and multiple scenes so boring you will slap yourself to stay awake, and it all starts with an extended opening scene featuring a weird midget (that's his name in the credits--"Midget") grunting for fifteen minutes as a ritual involving another man and a chicken is performed. 

"Don't forget to take home some tasty friend chicken!"

As you watch all this unfold, you will find yourself wondering how Karloff ever got himself into something like this--he certainly deserved much better, and this would end up being his next to last movie. While this film does lack much substance, it is the bizarre you may find yourself attracted to--scenes such as Annabella dreaming of chasing herself are so out there and unique that they almost make the movie worth watching...almost.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 4


Isle of the Snake People Movie Trailer

Saturday, July 15, 2017

GET OUT

Get Out Movie Review

WARNING! THE FOLLOWING CONTAINS SPOILERS!!

Daniel Kaluuya stars (and does a wonderful job) in this film that is just like The Stepford Wives, except that instead of creating robot wives, rich white people kidnap black people and turn them into who they want them to be--it's also pretty much just like Invasion of the Body Snatchers, except that instead of aliens taking over the body of a host, it's aging, rich white people doing so. There's also much more profanity in this movie than in the other two, the last fifteen minutes packs more violence and bloodshed than those two, and it's not as good as either of those films, much less as good as you've heard it is...but it's certainly not a bad movie.

On A Scale...

"Wait, you're not done already are you?!"

Yes...yes I am.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 6


Get Out Movie Trailer

Friday, July 14, 2017

WAR OF THE WORLDS

War of the World Movie Review

After diving under the ground on bolts of lighting, aliens re-emerge, driving massive implements of destruction and killing every human being in their paths. This Steven Spielberg 2005 take on the H.G. Wells story follows Ray (Tom Cruise, The Mummy) and his two children as they run and do whatever they can to survive.

"Well there's something you don't see every day"

The aliens arrive via an apparent storm, and right from that moment, you know you're in for a big budget, big screen blockbuster film, and when Spielberg is involved, that's almost assured to be gold. After the initial destruction, we get to know the characters a bit more--Cruise is really good as Ray, an every day blue collar guy who, though he loves his kids, isn't quite sure how to protect them--we don't get the story of an every day guy who is suddenly the world's ultimate survivalist with all the answers here--Ray is flawed, scared, and never sure he is doing the right thing, and Cruise plays that role surprisingly well. After seeing their tripod machines and snake-like cameras, we finally get a look at the aliens, and they are actually fairly frightening looking.

"Say, do ya have any Germ-X handy?"

The main drawback to this film is Rays kids--they are SO over-the-top irritating that one has to wonder how Ray managed not to smack them repeatedly--I would pay money to be able to enter the movie world, track Robbie down, and beat the living hell out of the kid. They whine, scream, and overall make poor Ray's life even worse than it already was--it's a wonder he didn't just surrender himself to the aliens to escape the kids. The ending, which ties into what I just said, also fails to deliver the punch you are expecting, but overall, I still find War of the Worlds to be an entertaining, fun film to watch every couple of years.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7


War of the World Movie Trailer

Monday, July 10, 2017

THE BYE BYE MAN

The Bye Bye Man Movie Trailer

We start off in 1969, where a man grabs a shotgun and shoots everybody--including himself-- familiar with a certain name. Flash forward to modern times, and eventually some college kids discover writings left by the shotgun -wielding madman, and repeat what he was saying--"don't think it, don't say it"--over and over again. The name, as you probably know, is The Bye Bye Man, who will appear, alongside his trusty pet dog, to destroy the lives of anybody who dares know of him.

"Who said it?! Who thought it?!"

Who is The Bye Bye Man? Where did he come from? We don't know--nor do we ever really find out, which is just one of many problems with this film that, surprisingly, actually hit the big screen. Some other problems include a very shaky (at best) plot, poor (for the most part) acting, a barrage of horror cliches, and characters that are largely unlikable. Not all is bad here, however--there are a couple fairly scary scenes, some twists you may not see coming, and a somewhat decent performance from Douglas Smith as Elliot, the lead character--less impressive is Carrie-Anne Moss (Memento), who seems absolutely bored in her brief appearance. The Bye Bye Man is a so-so horror film that is so unoriginal it is destined to be lost in the ever-growing shuffle of forgettable horror films of this decade. 

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 5


The Bye Bye Man Movie Trailer