Tuesday, May 3, 2016


Crawl Movie Review

A scumbag bar owner hires a hit man to off a nemesis, but a planned double-cross results in Marilyn (Georgina Haig), a waitress (and our hero), being terrorized in her own home. Okay, so when I saw the title of the film I thought it would be something along the lines of this classic.

Not THIS kind of crawl...

...THIS kind

I'm not sure what it says about me that I hear the word "crawl" and immediately picture slimy space creatures, but thankfully we're not here to discuss the emotional abuse several decades of horror movie viewing have taken on my mind and/or soul, so we'll move on...actually, discussing this part of my brain may be more interesting than talking about this 2011 Australian horror thriller. If you are prone to hallucinations, psychotic behavior, or falling asleep due to prolonged silence, you may want to avoid this film. I understand the technique of using silence as a way to build tension--I get that, I really do, but this film utilizes that approach far too often and for way too long at a time. When you're watching the movie on, oh, I don't know, say...Chiller Channel, and you have silence for minutes at a time, the volume turned up to 50 because perhaps something actually IS happening and the audio is just bad and you're missing it, and suddenly, as you stare out the window at the oncoming storm and heat lightning racing across the horizon whilst pondering the true meaning of life and the decisions you have made that have brought you to this exact moment in life, the channel cuts to a commercial with a leprechaun warning that you are now in trouble--now THAT'S a good jump scare.

Much scarier than our Croatian hit man

So this being an Australian film, they throw in a bit of dark Australian humor, which largely falls flat. Australians are an interesting bunch to me--they are some strange mix of the elegance of the proper English, the awesomeness of the Irish (not that I'm biased with that statement or anything), the hillbillies of the United States, and the general weird awkwardness of Canadians--often times their movies reflect this. Of the four, this movie leans much more toward the Canadian portion, which is quite unfortunate, but if you can manage to make it through a LONG period of time of little to nothing happening, the movie will smack you across the face with a REALLY good ending. Up until those last ten minutes or so, however, feel free to gaze off into the distance and think about how small we truly are in the universe...or stare at our lead, Haig, and try to figure out who she reminds you of.

I never was able to put my finger on it

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 5

Crawl Movie Trailer

1 comment:

  1. Hot girl with accent makes me a little bit interested.