Saturday, January 9, 2016


Tales From The Crypt Presents: Ritual Movie Review

After having her medical license revoked, Dr. Alice Dodgson (Jennifer Grey of Dirty Dancing and Ferris Bueller's Day Off, post nose job) answers an ad to go to Jamaica to care for a man's ailing brother. Naturally, being in Jamaica, the plot revolves around voodoo and zombies. This 2002 film was meant to be the third installment of the Tales From The Crypt movie trilogy of the 1990s, but since those movies didn't exactly fare well in the box office (for good reason), this one was shelved and Universal eventually sold it to Miramax, who shelved it a little longer before removing all references to Tales From the Crypt and releasing it. I understand the DVD reinserts our beloved Crypt Keeper, but, sadly, he is absent from the Netflix version, which is what I just suffered through.

Awesomeness you won't see on Netflix

I tell you all this because, frankly, that story is far more interesting than the movie itself. It feels like a somewhat updated version of 1950s and 60s voodoo films that included a lot of dancing by "tribal" people and not much else. They attempt some twists and turns, all of which you will likely see coming. The acting, aside from the performance from the legendary Tim Curry, is flat. The film has none of the humor and charm of the old television show. There's practically no gore or bloodshed to keep you interested. The use of slow motion and repetitive flashbacks slows down an already slow moving film. The only redeeming qualities to this film, outside of Curry and short appearances from Erick Avari and Stephen Tobolowsky (Ned! Ryerson!), are the locations and the ending, which is so fast, abrupt, and absurd it almost made up for the 100 minutes that preceded it...almost.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 4

Tales From The Crypt Presents: Ritual Movie Trailer

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