POLTERGEIST (2015)

Poltergeist Movie Review

A family moves into a house and almost immediately strange things begin to happen. Soon afterward their youngest daughter is trapped in some alternate dimension via a portal in her closet. We all know the original Poltergeist is a horror classic--this remake...well...we'll just say the words "horror classic" will never be used by any sort of majority to describe this film. The storyline is similar, but different enough to separate itself a bit from the original. The family in this film seems to be struggling more financially than the family in the first (this may lead the viewer to question how they can afford all the expensive stuff we see throughout the film). This film also seems less horror driven, and almost borders on comedy, in thanks mainly to the father/husband in the film, Eric Bowen.

Smile Eric

Let me preface this by saying I am a Sam Rockwell fan. I have loved him in practically everything I have seen him in (Seven Psychopaths, Iron Man 2, The Way Way Back, even Galaxy Quest), but he is absolutely miscast in this film. His performance completely throws off the mood of the rest of the film, one that should be of doom and horror is offset by Rockwell's portrayal of a father seeing his family falling apart and being nonchalant (at best) about it. The iconic scene of the daughter turning to her family and proclaiming "They're here" returns in this film, but the delivery is as mundane and uninteresting as you can possibly imagine.

"They're here...what's for breakfast?"

The clown also returns, but looking a bit more sinister, so I guess that's a good thing. The special effects don't seem any better than those in the original...that's pretty disappointing considering the CGI capabilities of a 2015 film and taking into account this film came out 33 years after the original! The special effects of the 1982 film, while dated now, were groundbreaking for the time. The special effects and CGI in this 2015 film are largely laughable. There are a few scares here and there, and some creepy images, but you really expect more from this film. Sam Raimi was one of the producers of this film, and you can certainly see his influence, but unlike some of this legendary works from the past, Poltergeist seems to lack any particular direction and vision. There are enough bright spots in the film to keep you watching until the end (Jared Harris as poltergeist expert/reality television star Carrigan Burke really shines here), but unfortunately this film is neither scary, funny, or terribly interesting--Instead, it is a movie that is doomed to be on lists of worst horror remakes and lost in the sea of mediocre movies for years to come. 



On A Scale Of One To Ten: 5

Poltergeist Movie Trailer

I STILL KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER

I Still Know What You Did Last Summer Movie Review

Having escaped the hook swinging fisherman in I Know What You Did Last Summer, Julie James (Jennifer Love Hewitt) joins friends for a vacation to a remote island--where it appears the fisherman has followed them. The first film in the series was sort of unique, and was actually a fairly decent horror film; as is often the case, however, the sequel has a difficult time recapturing whatever it was that made the original enjoyable. I believe the acting is the first thing that throws this film--Brandy, Freddie Prinze Jr., Matthew Settle, and Jennifer Esposito are all here, and each is just bad in this one. That said, no other actor in this movie can touch the absolute acting ineptness of one Mekhi Phifer (Dawn of the Dead)...not even this guy...

Yes, that's Jack Black

Once you get past the bad acting and questionable script, there actually is some stuff to enjoy about the film. Jennifer Love Hewitt is good in her role as leading lady, Bill Cobbs is creepy, and we get appearances (albeit short ones) from John Hawkes and Michael Bryan French. They attempt to throw in a bit of a twist at the end, but if you're paying at least a little bit of attention you will see it coming. Fortunately, some of the death scenes are gruesome enough to keep you going. This movie has that classic 90's horror feel to it, and while not a bad flick, it comes off as more a direct to video film than the follow up to one of the most well known horrors of that decade.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 5

I Still Know What You Did Last Summer Movie Trailer

THE RING TWO

The Ring Two Movie Review

Rachel (Naomi Watts) and her son Aidan (David Dorfman) have moved away from Seattle into Oregon to, among other things, escape the horrors we saw unfold in The Ring, but when a high school student turns up dead in the same manner as the victims back in Seattle, Rachel realizes the evil that is Samara has returned--this time possessing Aidan himself. This follow-up to the immensely popular original remake has tons of potential, but most unfortunately, it fails to deliver. Yes, we get some scary scenes again--the scene of Samara climbing out of the well is the thing nightmares are made of--but we also get a lot of, well...

this...

...and other poor CGI nonsense. The acting seems to have gone down a notch, especially from Dorfman, who went from genuinely creepy in the original to just sort of uninteresting in this outing. The movie drags terribly at times, and at over two hours long (this review is for the unrated edition), is a true test of patience and endurance. That said, the story is still pretty strong, as we get more details on the life of Samara and we get to see just how far a mother will go to save her child. The Ring Two is not a bad film, but coming off the heels of The Ring, one can't help but be a slight bit disappointed in it.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 6

The Ring Two Movie Trailer

KING OF THE ZOMBIES

King of the Zombies Movie Review

A plane carrying three people crashes on an island. The three men find help in Dr. Sangre (Henry Victor), a mysterious man with a mansion filled with servants...and zombies. This 1941 horror comedy is a lot more comedy than horror, as when on the rare occasion we see the zombies, they are far from scary. The acting is pretty bad throughout, with the exception of Mantan Moreland as Jeff, the valet of lead character James McCarthy (Dick Purcell). Jeff is the comedy relief of the film, and man, is he ever good at it.

Zombie food

 

His comedic timing, the delivery of his lines, and his facial expressions make him an absolute gem in this otherwise dull film. His teaming with Purcell reminded me a lot of the Abbott and Costello horror comedies of the same era (though Purcell and Moreland aren't quite as good). If you're looking for a scare, skip this movie, but if you're looking for a laugh, you may want to give this a shot.

 

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 5

 

 



King of the Zombies Movie Trailer

THE RING

The Ring Movie Review

Rachel (Naomi Watts Stay, King Kong), a journalist for the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, investigates the mysteries surrounding a video tape--specifically, do people really die after watching it? This 2002 film ushered in a trend in Hollywood--American remakes of Asian horror (this one being a remake of the Japanese film Ringu), and, unlike many films that would follow, it did it the right way. The movie starts off with a bang, slowly builds a very intense and interesting story, and delivers a fantastic ending. For the most part the acting is pretty good in this movie. Watts does a fine job, as does David Dorfman (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre) as her son Aidan. The special effects in this film are really fantastic, and the film is genuinely scary, in particular the scene that is probably most well known.

You guessed it

I remember seeing this movie in the theatre when it came back and actually gasping and moving back in my seat when I saw this scene, and the scares and surprises don't end there. The Ring really was one of the first movies to be released with a PG-13 rating that was actually scary, and that still holds up to this day. Samara (the girl above) quickly became an iconic image in the realm of horror films, and for good reasons--she is a well-written, sympathetic yet evil, frightening character. There are times throughout the film when it drags a bit long (the run time is just shy of two hours), and some of the decisions the characters make are highly questionable, but these things are not enough to ruin the movie by any stretch. While The Ring may not be a perfect horror film, it is still an outstanding horror movie that, in many ways, paved a path for many films to come, and it still ranks among my favorite horror films of its time.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 8

The Ring Movie Trailer

THE RAVEN (2012)

The Raven Movie Review

Inspired by the writings of Edgar Allan Poe, a killer terrorizes Baltimore, leading police to turn to the foremost expert on the inspirational stories--Poe himself. This film builds on fact--the final few days of Poe's life remain a mystery. From this a fictional story is created. That is a simple premise that seemed to elude many when this film was released, as people, I guess, expected the ENTIRE film to be historically accurate--again, it was never intended to be. With that in mind, what we have here is a really, really good film that sees Poe assisting the police in finding a serial killer that has also kidnapped the love of Poe's life, Emily Hamilton (Alice Eve, ATM). John Cusack (2012, 1408) plays Poe, and, as is typical, delivers a fantastic performance. The supporting cast, particularly Brendan Gleeson, also turn in impressive performances. This movie does a really impressive job bringing some of the words of Poe's work to life...often to bloody consequences.

Everybody knows this one

 

This is more a thriller/whodunit film than a straight horror, but considering the source of the story and the sheer amount of violence and bloodshed, it is no stretch at all to consider this a horror film. The cinematography is wonderful here, giving the viewer a plethora of beautiful shots and scenery. MANY of the works of Poe are mentioned in the film, much to the delight of myself, an avid Poe fan. The movie is already a white-knuckle ride, and knowing the work of Poe before watching the film will only make the viewer experience that much more enjoyable. My only complaint of this film is I wish they had toned down the CGI a bit on some of the death scenes--this always hinders a movie in my estimation. Outside of this minor complaint, however, there's not much to not like about this film (the music during the credits notwithstanding). I loved this film when I saw it in theatres, and I still love it to this day.

 

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 9

 

The Raven Trailer

HALLOWEEN II (2009)

Halloween II Movie Review

Somehow Michael Myers has survived a point blank gunshot to the head, and returns to terrorize Laurie Strode and the citizens of Haddonfield. Rob Zombie returns for this sequel to his remake of the John Carpenter classic Halloween, and the bloodshed starts immediately...unfortunately, it is followed by more flashbacks of Michael as a child, and Michaels's continuous visions of his mother (Sheri Moon Zombie reprising her role of Deborah Myers) and a white horse.

I couldn't make this up

This psychological look into the mind of Michael Myers is completely unnecessary and very distracting...cutting this out would have brought the film down closer to 90 minutes, something the film would have benefitted greatly from. One has to wonder if Zombie did this as a simple excuse to have a role for his wife in this movie. The character of Deborah Myers has changed as well (and not just the way she looks)--in the first Zombie Halloween she was very much a good hearted mother who only wanted her son to get better--in this film she wants him to kill everybody in site, including her daughter Laurie (or Angel), so they may be a dead family together. Another oddity that is different from the first: Michael now grunts and makes various sounds when killing people (he was completely silent in the first). Also, and most bothersome, is that Dr. Loomis (Malcolm McDowell) is an arrogant jerk--this is a really hard pill to swallow. This movie has plenty of action, gore, and death to make it a decent horror flick, and the cameos are there once again (including Howard Hesseman, Mark Boone Junior, Weird Al Yankovic, and my favorite, Silas Weir Mitchell and his "crazy eyes"), but outside of that, there's not much going for this film. A convoluted plot, irritating characters (honestly I just wanted Michael to kill all of them, including Loomis, which is Halloween blasphemy), and a subpar ending make this an overall disappointment of a film.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 5

Halloween II Trailer

HALLOWEEN (2007)

Halloween Movie Review

This remake (of sorts) of the John Carpenter classic takes us more into the childhood of killer Michael Myers--we see that he comes from a broken white trash family and is bullied in school, leading to him snapping and killing his stepfather and sister on Halloween night (after previously killing a bully at school). We then get to see young Michael in therapy with Dr. Samuel Loomis (Malcolm McDowell, A Clockwork Orange) before we flash-forward to a grown Michael (he grew from an undersized child to a giant of a man in these years) going on a murderous spree in his asylum before escaping to return to Haddonfield.

Michael vs Pumpkinhead?

Before continuing let me state for the record that the original Halloween is one of my favorite horror films. As hard as it may be, when I watch this film I attempt to separate myself from the original and enjoy the 2007 version, directed by Rob Zombie, for what it is. That said, my number one issue with this film is the prequel portion. In the over half dozen films to feature Michael Myers before 2007 it was established that Michael Myers was "pure evil", and as the series went on, he becomes practically superhuman--even ignoring this, the explanation that he was "evil" was more than enough to make him not only a believable killer, but a horror icon. With all this said, there is one perfectly acceptable conclusion--WE DON'T NEED TO KNOW WHY MICHAEL MYERS IS EVIL!!! Showing Myers as a child, and using such stereotypical excuses as to why he is evil absolutely shatters the illusion that makes the character so effective! I cannot state enough how much I HATE that Zombie did this; however, once we finally get to the point of Myers as an adult, the rest of the film is actually pretty good. Myers is a ruthless killer, and there is no shortage of blood, gore, and slayings. My second major issue with this film is Loomis. I understand that it would have been hard to pull off a Halloween film without this character, but seeing anybody other than Donald Pleasence play Loomis to hard to swallow (much like seeing anybody other than Robert Englund play Freddy Krueger), and this is certainly saying nothing bad about McDowell, who I consider myself a fan of, but something is just unsettling about seeing Dr. Loomis look like this...

Lost Allman Brother?



Now, as promised, I will get past the comparisons to the older films--we knew when it was announced that Rob Zombie was going to direct this film there would be a certain amount of sleaze, so that was not unexpected. The acting in the film is pretty good for the most part, especially Brad Dourif as the sheriff, and, being a Zombie film, there are some interesting cameos (Sid Haig, Ken Foree, and even Micky Dolenz show up). The one issue I have with the characters in the latter part of the film is the portrayal of Laurie Strode, the hero of the film. From the moment she first appears in the film she is unlikable. I don't blame this on the actress (Scout Taylor-Compton) but rather how the character was written. Another drawback is the sheer amount of profanity used by practically every character in the film. There is a subtle difference in using excessive profanity to build the character (see Goodfellas) and using it so much it makes the character seem dumbed down--that's what we get here, as the profanity is so gratuitous one wonders if Zombie channeled his inner ten year old trying to impress his schoolmates with the new word he learned. Not all is lost with this film however--once Michael gets to Haddonfield the movie takes off and never slows down as bodies pile up left and right. There are many nods to the original film splashed in here and there as well. There are some truly terrifying scenes, and really, these are all things you expect from a horror film. The end would seem to imply this Zombie remake was a one and done shot, but we know that not to be the case. I realize this review contains a lot of negativity, but truthfully, as a stand alone, I do enjoy this film--however, try as I may, I cannot help but compare it to the Carpenter classic, and that is a comparison Zombie's film will never find itself on the winning side of.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 7

Halloween Trailer

TREMORS

Tremors Movie Review

The denizens of a small town in the middle of a desert are terrorized by giant worm-like creatures that attack from below. This 1990 horror/sci-fi/comedy hybrid delivers on all fronts--it is funny at times, scary other times, and is an obvious nod to creature feature sci-fi films of the 1950s. The cast is filled with actors you will recognize: Kevin Bacon (Friday the 13th, Flatliners), Fred Ward (The Crow: Salvation), Michael Gross (Family Ties), Bobby Jacoby (The Wonder Years) and even country music singer Reba McEntire. The acting is pretty much on par with that you would expect. I have always been entertained seeing Gross play a character that is SO different than the ex-hippie Steven Keaton he played on Family Ties. Jacoby (now known by his real name, Robert Jayne) does a really good job as wise-cracking Melvin. On the other hand, Finn Carter is irritating as Rhonda, and, though I am a big Kevin Bacon fan, this is one of my least favorite performances of his.

I'm not THIS big of a fan

The creatures, termed "Graboids" in the film, are really impressive. They tunnel through the sand at rapid rates, have several tongue-like appendages, and absolutely devour their prey.

Say, here's one now

If you are looking for a terrifying film to watch with a storm outside at three in the morning, this is not what you should turn to--however, if you are looking for a movie that will entertain you, make you laugh, give you chills, and make you happy you don't live in the middle of the desert, Tremors is your film.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 8



Tremors Movie Trailer

INSIDIOUS 3

Insidious 3 Movie Review

Elise Rainier (Lin Shaye) comes out of retirement to help Quinn Brenner (Stefanie Scott), a teen having trouble contacting her dead mother--the trouble you ask? Evil spirits are terrorizing her. The third installment of the Insidious series is actually a prequel to the first two, and, most unfortunately, focuses largely on Elise. This sort of character is fine as a character that pops in for a few minutes, but to have half a film dedicated to her is a bit much, and Shaye's acting doesn't get any better--sadly she's not even the worst actor in this film. That dubious distinction goes to Tate Berney as Alex, Quinn's brother--mercifully he's only in a couple scenes, and honestly, I have no idea why the character was even written into the film. On the other end of the spectrum Scott does a pretty good job as Quinn, and Dermot Mulroney (Young Guns 2, Where The Day Takes You) is decent as Quinn's dad, though I expected a much better performance from him. The strength of the film, naturally, is in the scares.

Your face without eyes

Some of the spirits/demons are fairly scary (in particular The Man Who Can't Breathe), and we get a brief return of the red-faced demon everybody knows and loves. We do see some very intense, scary scenes in this film, including the spirit walking calmly about Quinn's room, making it darker as Quinn is frozen in fear. We also get some unexpected jumps, though the reliance on this is a bit much at times. As we approach the apex of the film we are re-introduced to Tucker and Specs, who once again provide unneeded comic relief (though it was much more welcome in this film). Of course we also see how the pair form a business with Elise.



I am a big fan of the first two Insidious films, and was excited when this third installment was announced, but alas, it fails in many ways to live up to the first two. As with all sequels/prequels one must separate it from the other films as much as possible and imagine it on its own legs--applying that theory to Insidious 3, you are still left with a film that is just okay and does little to separate itself from the pack of similar films.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 6

Insidious 3 Trailer

INSIDIOUS 2

Insidious 2 Movie Review

Picking up the pieces of the first movie in the series, in Insidious 2, we find that something has followed Josh (Patrick Wilson) from The Further. The film sort of jumps around from the time Josh was a boy, to the events of the first Insidious film, to the present day. The original cast returns here, and the main players (Wilson, Rose Byrne, Barbara Hershey) all do a fantastic job once again. The scares in this film, remarkably, as just as terrifying as in the first.

One of the creeps

Of course this film does have the same drawbacks of the first (weak acting from the kids and Lin Shaye) but once again, the viewer can easily get past this. The story is advanced nicely in this film, it has a very tense build to a wonderful ending, and once again the director and writer (Wan and Whannell) manage to make a genuinely scary film without clichés, gore and blood--and it does all this while maintaining a PG-13 rating. It is a rare occasion that a sequel can live up to an original if the first film is a good one--Insidious 2 does just that.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 9

Insidious 2 Trailer

INSIDIOUS

Insidious Movie Review

Josh and Renai (Patrick Wilson and Rose Byrne) have recently moved into a new home. It's here that one of their children, Dalton, falls into a coma-like state that doctors cannot explain. After experiencing ghostly encounters the family agrees the house is haunted and move again--but the experiences continue to take place, resulting in a terrifying realization: it's not the house that's haunted, it's the child. This is really just scraping the surface of this horror film from the dynamic duo of James Wan and Leigh Whannell, the pair that brought us the Saw series. This journey also takes us to the world of dreams, the nightmare of being trapped in them, and the possibility of ghosts and demons entering our world.

You'll also never hear Tiny Tim the same again

This is a really, really slick movie that pulls off something many other films attempt and fail at--it's rated PG-13, there's no blood or gore to speak of, but it's actually a very scary film. The premise is frightening, the mood and scenery are chilling, and the faces of "The Further" are just...creepy.

This is not a happy place

The acting ranges from very good--Wilson and Byrne do a wonderful job portraying the victims--to very bad--Lin Shaye is simply unbearable as the medium brought in to help, and as much as I enjoyed the interaction between her sidekicks, I found the comedy they added took too much from an otherwise straight forward horror film. Fortunately these couple minor complaints are not nearly enough to bring this film down. When I first saw it in theatres I proclaimed it one of the better horror films I have seen--several viewings later I stick to that comment.

On A Scale Of One To Ten: 9

Insidious Movie Trailer